Relationship Is It Normal...??

[Nelson2015]

My (ex) fiancé and I used to be inseparable... He was so loving and kind. He has Combat PTSD with TBI, and he is going through a spell. We have been together for 3 years, and I was unaware of what was happening when he suddenly changed. We broke up due to what he is going through... Not my choice.

So anyway, we talk all the time through text. We have hanged out a few times. We send pictures and memes. He has opened up to me more since we broke up. But occasionally (like today) he goes from very talkative to not wanting to talk at all... Like acts like he is angry at me after a great conversation. Idk what changes.

What should I do when he acts like he doesn't want to talk? Just don't text him? He usually does text me after not hearing from me for awhile. Why do they do the I wanna talk... wait I want distance thing? So confused...

Thoughts?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sometimes a little thing can tip the scales so I go from fine to not so fine. This disorder can be quite unpredictable. People who have known me forever don't even understand it or what sets it off.

If he doesn't want to talk, I suggest giving him space. It's ok to check in with him periodically.

 

[Nelson2015]

@itsKismet

Thank you... We generally have days where we either talk or we don't. When we talk it's great and it's all day. When we don't talk he is fairly cold and angry about it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Think of it like sensory overload... sometimes it's just too much and they need a little radio silence. It's not you. That's probably one of the most important things a supporter needs to learn... It's not about me. If he doesn't want to talk, it not that he doesn't want to talk to YOU. It's that he just doesn't want to talk PERIOD.

 

[Nelson2015]

@Sweetpea76

I'm hoping it's just sensory overload. We are currently separating bills and trying to relet our apartment. He is letting bills go late, and when I bring them up he shuts down. Do you think it's too much for him to handle or is he actually angry that I bring things up? He acts like he is super mad... Then he doesn't talk for a couple days.

It's weird bc when we are talking it's great but the past couple days have just been bad.

 

[Nelson2015]

Also... When he says he will probably something and then lets it go what should I do? I'm having a hard time separating when I need to set boundaries and when I just need to try and understand that what he is going through and the way he is train me is not his choice...

 

[Nelson2015]

Pay* not probably
treating* not train

Thanks!

 

[Sweetpea76]

At this point in time, I'd just take care of the things that you need to take care of in order to protect your credit, and let him do him. The more you push for action or conversation when the stress cup is overflowing, the more he is going to shut down on you. When they are isolating, you just have to take care of yourself and let them isolate.

 

[Nelson2015]

@Sweetpea76

Unfortunately he was the sole income at the time... I just got a job and don't even have my first check.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Is anything in your name? If not, I'd just tell him "hey, these bills are due, and I can't pay them... do you want to give me some money so I can pay them for you? If not, just an FYI they are due." That's about all you can do. Even if he is not feeling well he is an adult, and unless you have a POA, you can't make sure he pays his bills.

If they are in your name, maybe you can call your creditors and tell them that you just started a new job and are having a slight pay lag. A lot of times if you make arrangements for payment they are pretty forgiving.

 

[Nelson2015]

@Sweetpea76

He told me last night that he paid our att bill... This morning it still said unpaid so I called att... He lied. He didn't pay it.

He is obviously lying about money which is not good. But my gut keeps telling me that other things he has been telling me are true... :/

Thoughts?

Also I know that PTSD is not an excuse to relieve yourself of financial responsibility, but does it have anything to do with the lack of concern he has?

Att is in my name... I can and will be paying it, but could he just not care bc that bill won't affect him and his credit?

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's hard to tell... sometimes when a sufferer is very stressed they cannot handle the day to day business of life.

With that being said, not every bad behavior is caused by PTSD. So it could very well be him not caring if something is in his ex's name, and feeling no obligation to pay it. Some times jerky behavior is just because your sufferer is being a jerk with or without PTSD.