Is It Possible To Dissociation Unnoticeably?

[BuckarooBanzai]

Well I have not been diagnosed with DID nor do I believe I have it. This is part of what scares me. .... I have PTSD with dissociative symptoms

I don't know whether you have DID or not.

A therapist or psychiatrist will not diagnose a person with DID unless he or she actually witnesses alters coming out to talk. It is possible to be a multiple (have DID) and yet be able to hide it from one's therapist/psychiatrist. Point in fact: I used to have DID but, when I improved to the point where the DID was no longer detectable, the diagnosis was dropped.

If the fear you mentioned is of DID, not to worry. DID is not the end of the world, but rather the result of an intelligent person's effort to save himself from severe childhood pain. It is a creative way to deal with an impossible childhood reality.

Ben

 

[katz]

I read this thread and it really made me start thinking. About 90-99 % of my memories of childhood are all from the 3rd person. I think that I "left" so often that I didn't even realize it. So, I guess I was just doing it with out being aware of it myself.

Some of the adults must have seen it, I was put on seizure meds. They thought that they were petite mal seizures.

Is it possible to "decide" to disassociate? I mean intentionally? I wonder what causes the "loss of speech" when we disassociate? I see that a lot of us stop talking.

Another question I would like to ask everyone is : does anyone have a "place" that you go too--I mean intentionally? I have some memories of quickly looking around the room while "it" was going on. I was looking for the corner of the room. It was a "place" I went to as a child when "he" would come into the room.

 

[GWhizz]

I read this thread and it really made me start thinking. About 90-99 % of my memories of childhood are all...

I wouldn't say I have a choice in it. But I do zone out and block out things intentionally, like planned avoidance. With my old T I'd always look to a certain point on the ceiling panel and I do physical things too like scratching my face. But I think that's actually me trying to stay where I'm at by scratching myself. During my trauma I was so unaware that I was doing it that I didn't even associate the trauma with the same person. As I got older and things got worse (more painful and more attention required), I couldn't dissociate when I really wanted to.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Is it possible to "decide" to disassociate? I mean intentionally?

Yes, it is possible. I can do it. It is like going into a meditative state.I can make everything 'go away', even to the point of being in a black place.

And, of course, a mulitiple (person with DID) can switch to an alter. That's also a form of dissocation.


Ben

 

[Gs172003]

I wouldn't say I have a choice in it. But I do zone out and block out things intentionally, like planned...

You not being able to do it anymore...what caused that? Cause I can't do it under certain circumstances anymore either

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Children generally dissociate much easier than adults, so it could be that you have noticed your dissociative ability diminishing over time.

Ben

 

[katz]

That's an interesting thought, because I stopped doing it the day that the doctor officially diagnosed my PTSD
I saw my mom's mouth drop open when she heard.
Since I came home from the hospital (I was in for something else )- I have never disassociated since.
That was over 7 years ago.

 

[katz]

One the weirdest thing about my disassociated state is how much I can "see" from "up there".
I remember most of my memories from up by the ceiling. Like watching a movie. That's how I know what happened. I watched it happen. I can't get myself to remember anything from first person.
That's probably why I'm having such a difficult time trying to learn to feel.

 

[GWhizz]

You not being able to do it anymore...what caused that? Cause I can't do it under certain circumsta...

All I can say is that I don't remember many fine details of my trauma before age 10. After that it became more brutal/intense. I would be forced to stay present and perform. Though I still felt a numbness / going through the motions, I was more aware of what was happening. Like I was watching rather than prior complete amnesia. This could also be attributed to my maturity levels. Now when I dissociate though, I have used self harming to ground me. I don't choose it, rather the child part knows pain can help me stay present.. Messed up alright. I thought dissociation was meant to help you evade pain. I'm so confused!

 

[Gs172003]

All I can say is that I don't remember many fine details of my trauma before age 10. After that it becam...

My husband now talks to me where he didn't used to. Makes things more difficult

 

[katz]

All I can say is that I don't remember many fine details of my trauma before age 10. After that it becam...

Since many of my "incidents" happened when I was so young. I doubt that I will ever remember them from the 1st person. But my mental pictures, from the "ceiling", can all tell me that I was very, very young-when it started.
A lot of the time, I look for other things to judge how old I was. I can see what I'm wearing or how tall I am. I have also used the teacher or classroom to figure out what grade and then what age I may have been. I even look at how tall I am to the furniture.

There is one time that I remember. As "it" started, my eyes were darting around the room to find my usual "spot" to go too. (up by the ceiling)

Sadly, as the years have gone on...I have memories of the ceiling in almost all the rooms of the house that I grew up in. I had always hoped that "it" had only happened once. Now I know different...

Even the times when I was not at home..the mental pictures are from "up there".

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

That's probably why I'm having such a difficult time trying to learn to feel.

Yes. Your dissociative experiences reflect depersonalization. If one spends his childhood splitting off all negative affect, it makes sense that he would have trouble playing affective connect-the-dots as an adult.

Now when I dissociate though, I have used self harming to ground me. I don't choose it, rather the child part knows pain can help me stay present..

Oh dear.

Are you in contact with this child? Now is the time to dust off your parenting skills; this little one needs you to guide him, to help him find healthier coping mechanisms.

Perhaps he could substitute holding ice cubes?

Ben