Hi, I’ve been thinking about the relationship between depression & dissociated states. I have been suspected of a depression in 2016 when I finished my studies, as my volition sort of went away. But the weird thing is that during all that period I still was waking up and doing things, just constantly caught in a haze and lateral migraines.
During that time, I remember talking and doing things as they were expected to be done, while feeling "something" running in the backstage. I was constantly daydreaming or reading whatever, but all in a rush. It sort of blew away when I started to date people again and it was super painful. I sort of hit a wall I had no idea it did exist, with all feelings hyper sharp. Then it stopped and I went so far in that dissociated mode I can’t even remember what I’ve said or done at the time. I found notes and messages I don’t remember having written.
Now I’m caught by moments of absence and they can last, but I feel I’m much more "there" than what I used to be. At that time I did read about dissociation and I was like omg that’s not me, it’s really more than what I’m experiencing… But I don’t know now… it feels that most of the time, I was somewhere disconnected. I wonder if it’s possible to remain in that way for a really long time. Certain people I know I wonder if they aren’t simply in autopilot forever.
