Relationship Is It True Ptsd Sufferers Can't Commit?

[KyGirl31]

I'm curious has anyone here been told by their sufferer from the get go that they can not commit to you? Even if a lot of their actions contradict that. He will not let us happen intimately or otherwise because he says he just knows how he is. He says he's protected me and as bad as he wants he couldn't hurt me. Then he tells me he knows he has some deep guarded issues but he's worth it. I kinda feel like he doesn't want me to give up but it's like he goes back and forth. So just curious is that normal for them to say they aren't able to commit to someone from the get go and things change?

 

[.Bubbles.]

I can only speak for myself, and my opinions(as a sufferer). I would be careful in this situation. I'm just worried that he might be "stringing you alone" Yes it's true someone with ptsd has deep rooted issues. It's true we gaurd ourselves to an extent - some more than others. But personally, I didnt let my conditions stop me from grabbing with two hands someone that was right. I didn't want that person to get away *shrugs* You need to be careful you /him aren't making excuses. The last thing you want is to be taken for granted, under the exscuse he has ptsd. Everyone is different though - same diagnoses or no.

 

[monicaelise]

I'm certainly no expert, AT ALL, but I don't think you can make generalizations like this. There seem to be plenty of people with PTSD who are capable of committing, it's just that the commitment doesn't always look the way commitment does in a standard relationship. I definitely didn't worry about "commitment" with the man I was involved with. If anything, the problem was ...is.. with me.

I think some of the old timers, who have been in very long relationships with their sufferers, will probably tell you that commitment isn't necessarily an issue for everyone.

 

[rightkindofme]

I've been married for almost seven years. We are more in love by the year. I'm more and more grateful I get this relationship. PTSD doesn't make you unable to commit.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi ky, I'm a sufferer. I agree that it is impossible to make generalizations and also that PTSD doesn't prevent an individual from committing anymore than other personal circumstances would prevent someone from making a commitment.

That's already been said. I felt compelled to respond specifically because there have been a handful of young men with whom I was very straightforward about not wanting to commit to, either ever or in the foreseeable future, and my statements were always very early and ranged from "I'm not interested in committing to a relationship with you" to "Run away right now, because if you come to be attached to me, I will destroy you."

I was very serious on all counts. There are a couple I wished I'd said this to and did not. I hurt a lot of people I wish I hadn't. But at least to some, I could say very frankly, I warned you.

They may have felt like they were getting mixed messages. There's no guarantee all of my behaviors are lucid and rational. But I always made it clear that those statements were, and I felt like I'd been entirely honest.

So. Be careful. Best wishes.

 

[mamachick]

Hi Ky, Im a sufferer and agree with what others have said her, having ptsd does not prevent committing, and we are all different.
Im no expert here either, but I can see why many have difficulty committing.

Since our sense of radar is often messed up, on top of the ptsd, we have often trusted the wrong people and been burned. Not just intimate relationships, but in general. Also, many of us have hung on to biological family who have been untrustworthy. I can only speak for myself, but I am clearly non committal at this time. Even setting a date to drive an hour to have dinner with college friends is tentative now. I am at this place because I need to find myself, but I can think of other reasons too.

I also agree that you need to be careful not to be strung along. You need to protect yourself and if you need commitment, your needs are as important as the others in a relationship.

 

[SRE7267]

Hi Ky. I experience similar non-committing with my sufferer, so you aren't alone in it and it really can be very confusing. Its a tough spot to be in and I feel for you. With that said, I agree with the others that being cautious is important... To be careful not to allow him to use his PTSD as an excuse.

For you, it's important to be clear with what you want and need and to establish acceptable boundaries or a timeline of sorts for how long it is that you are willing to be patient as he works through some of his committal issues. I don't want you to find yourself where I am... Where he "commits" when its safe and runs when its not... Love him, be patient, be kind and understanding but be strong and clear that you also have things that you want and need out of the relationship too. Do not forget about YOU throughout all of it. All the best :)