LoveHimThroughIt
Bronze Member
I am in a very new relationship. I found out I will be moving for work and wanted to meet someone from my future home, so I went online. We met online the first week in August. The relationship is currently long distance until I move in a few months. Things heated up rather quickly and he let me know very early on that he has Combat PTSD. Our conversations were intense and wonderful and we both developed strong feelings pretty quickly. After talking for a month, he flew to meet me. It was the most magical, amazing time. We quickly fell into this great dynamic of interacting, there was no awkwardness or discomfort (for me anyway, but he seemed to feel the same). On the day he left, probably about 15 minutes before I drove him to the airport, he started to withdraw. On the drive to the airport he became so exhausted that he slept the whole way. Our goodbyes were quick (because I didn't want the last thing for him to see before he left to be me crying).
After he landed, he was supposed to call let me know he arrived safely, but I didn't hear from him. I texted him and he replied but his tone was different, shorter, colder. I didn't realize it at the time but in hindsight I see now that he was pulling away. It has been three weeks. I have only heard from him via text, and with the exception of one check in, only in response to me having a meltdown (usually about once per week). He has tried to alleviate my stress with his short responses, which I realize must be very difficult for him and I feel bad after it happens.
My girls in my PTSD Support group keep trying to tell me that this must mean he has really genuine feelings for me but he just can't process them. They tell me that maybe he was falling for me and it is scaring him or the PTSD makes him feel like he doesn't deserve to be happy or to be loved. They said that because we're in different states and he cannot be with me in person, and protect me, it may be causing him to be in turmoil.
My other friends, not familiar with PTSD say things to me that are completely different. They use that line "if someone wants to be with you, they will" and tell me that he's trying to push me away so that he doesn't have to be the one to break up with me. They tell me that he's probably using the PTSD as an excuse to keep me in the dark while he dates other people who live near him. I don't want to believe either of these things, but I also cannot dispute that they might be the case. I have no way of knowing.
He is the greatest man I have ever met. I want to be with him and be there for him. I know he is not the PTSD, and that it will never go away. My gut is telling me that I am pushing him away with my meltdowns and I am afraid that when he resurfaces, he won't feel the same as he did before this trigger period. I am afraid that I fell this hard, this fast for someone. I am afraid to lose him. Every day during a blackout period feels like I've lost him already and I'm having trouble processing that because I have issues with loss due to death of a parent. So, this is raising up some pretty significant trigger-like feelings in me too. I don't want to screw this up because he is the best thing that ever happened to me. (yes even with the PTSD, I still say he's the best thing that ever happened to me because he is).
I would really like Combat PTSD sufferers to give me their point of view on this.
After he landed, he was supposed to call let me know he arrived safely, but I didn't hear from him. I texted him and he replied but his tone was different, shorter, colder. I didn't realize it at the time but in hindsight I see now that he was pulling away. It has been three weeks. I have only heard from him via text, and with the exception of one check in, only in response to me having a meltdown (usually about once per week). He has tried to alleviate my stress with his short responses, which I realize must be very difficult for him and I feel bad after it happens.
My girls in my PTSD Support group keep trying to tell me that this must mean he has really genuine feelings for me but he just can't process them. They tell me that maybe he was falling for me and it is scaring him or the PTSD makes him feel like he doesn't deserve to be happy or to be loved. They said that because we're in different states and he cannot be with me in person, and protect me, it may be causing him to be in turmoil.
My other friends, not familiar with PTSD say things to me that are completely different. They use that line "if someone wants to be with you, they will" and tell me that he's trying to push me away so that he doesn't have to be the one to break up with me. They tell me that he's probably using the PTSD as an excuse to keep me in the dark while he dates other people who live near him. I don't want to believe either of these things, but I also cannot dispute that they might be the case. I have no way of knowing.
He is the greatest man I have ever met. I want to be with him and be there for him. I know he is not the PTSD, and that it will never go away. My gut is telling me that I am pushing him away with my meltdowns and I am afraid that when he resurfaces, he won't feel the same as he did before this trigger period. I am afraid that I fell this hard, this fast for someone. I am afraid to lose him. Every day during a blackout period feels like I've lost him already and I'm having trouble processing that because I have issues with loss due to death of a parent. So, this is raising up some pretty significant trigger-like feelings in me too. I don't want to screw this up because he is the best thing that ever happened to me. (yes even with the PTSD, I still say he's the best thing that ever happened to me because he is).
I would really like Combat PTSD sufferers to give me their point of view on this.
