Is my subconscious telling me I'm not looking at things it's showing me?

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I often have nightmares now about random people raping or assaulting me, sometimes it's my abuser assaulting me but it's never him raping me. I had an assault/near rape by random guy on Saturday night and on Sunday night I had a nightmare where I was told I wasn't abused but given pictures of me and grandad that were 'slightly inappropriate' I was too scared to look at them and felt sick then the dream ended. It's like my own subconscious is being like I keep showing you things but you don't want to look at it. I don't know if that's what my brain is actually doing though. Has anyone else had this? What do you think about it? I wasn't even thinking about past nightmares recently cause I was trying to learn Japanese.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
@Lilac98

I'm not saying you were not abused nor am I invalidating any of your concerns,I just wanted to throw that out there before continuing....

You said your sisters were abused and your Granddad went to prison for it. Even if you were not abused,that in itself is pretty traumatic. And it's even possible you witnessed some of that abuse,which could be a reason for your nightmares.
When he went to prison I would have been 6 and I wasn't aware from what I remember which isn't a lot of what was going on. I only found out he'd abused them when he came out of prison. Mum said at the time that he went to prison for doing something bad to my sisters I asked her what did he do but she said I was too little to understand so I didn't ask any more questions and just assumed he'd be out in a week or two and when he didn't come out I guess I just forgot about it. When he came out 4 years later I couldn't even remember what he looked like, it was like I was meeting him for the first time. He'd tell me things I didn't remember like I always used to climb on his head and him and nanny would always take me swimming.
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
I agree with @joeylittle ,maybe you should focus on the two incidents that you do remember.

If there was anything else that happened your mind will most likely (not always though) allow you to remember when you're capable of handling it.

The bad thing about digging for memories/abuse is your mind will come up with things that may not be accurate. It's not good to try and force things, it's much better to let memories resurface on their own.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I agree with @joeylittle ,maybe you should focus on the two incidents that you do remember.

If there was anything else that happened your mind will most likely (not always though) allow you to remember when you're capable of handling it.

The bad thing about digging for memories/abuse is your mind will come up with things that may not be accurate. It's not good to try and force things, it's much better to let memories resurface on their own.
I'm less sure about the assault nightmares but I still think the flashback was real and a sexual abuse counsellor before said it's likely to be real. I also told that counsellor about the two incidents I remember. And she said a childhood nightmare I used to always have when I was younger 'isnt a normal dream for a little girl to have' which I was surprised she said that but I didn't ask why cause I was worried what she'd say.
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
I'm less sure about the assault nightmares but I still think the flashback was real and a sexual abuse counsellor before said it's likely to be real. I also told that counsellor about the two incidents I remember. And she said a childhood nightmare I used to always have when I was younger 'isnt a normal dream for a little girl to have' which I was surprised she said that but I didn't ask why cause I was worried what she'd say.
I'm not really sure what to say because I'm a bit confused. I'm not sure if the two incidents you remember are things that happened or if they are dreams you remember having.

Either way, I hope you can get some professional help to sort through all of this. I think that's the best route to take. And I wish you well with it.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I'm not really sure what to say because I'm a bit confused. I'm not sure if the two incidents you remember are things that happened or if they are dreams you remember having.

Either way, I hope you can get some professional help to sort through all of this. I think that's the best route to take. And I wish you well with it.
The two incidents I remember are things that happened but I also had a flashback I don't remember but believe could be real and I used to have a recurrent nightmare as a child that a counsellor who specialises in sexual abuse said isn't a normal nightmare for a little girl to have, which I was surprised she said cause I never said anything about the nightmare being anything to do with abuse I just thought I might as well mention it cause I had it every night for at least a year when I was a kid.
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
Idk, I kind of get the feeling you're wanting or waiting on someone to tell you that yeah, you do have PTSD. Or trying to convince us that you do have it. But nobody here can diagnose you. Nobody here can tell you if you were sexually abused or not either. All we can do is empathize and offer support.

That being said, I think it might be helpful if you talked with a professional about all of this. That would be much better than trying to guess, assume or self diagnose.

You are clearly struggling with some things and you deserve help working through all of it. As I stated before, I wish you well with all of it.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Idk, I kind of get the feeling you're wanting or waiting on someone to tell you that yeah, you do have PTSD. Or trying to convince us that you do have it. But nobody here can diagnose you. Nobody here can tell you if you were sexually abused or not either. All we can do is empathize and offer support.

That being said, I think it might be helpful if you talked with a professional about all of this. That would be much better than trying to guess, assume or self diagnose.

You are clearly struggling with some things and you deserve help working through all of it. As I stated before, I wish you well with all of it.
I'm not trying to convince anyone I have ptsd or trying to get anyone on here to diagnose anything. I know I was abused I just told you that so I'm not trying to get people to tell me what I know.
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
I'm not trying to convince anyone I have ptsd or trying to get anyone on here to diagnose anything. I know I was abused I just told you that so I'm not trying to get people to tell me what I know.
Sorry if you were offended by my reply, it wasn't meant to offend.

Just saying professional help is the best route to take.
 
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