Is Not Feeling Worse?

[Definitely..maybe]

Lately I don't feel things. I'm going to college and taking seperate classes for a different career in addition to, that's something I never thought I could do. I'm doing it because I have to but lately I just don't feel much anymore.

It's great because I can't remember my traumas very well, my hyper vigilance is almost non existent, like I'm just not worried about bad things happening anymore. But it's horrible because I'm also trying to HEAL! I restarted therapy and have been working on so much. I wish I could say it was the therapy helping but even in therapy I can only tell my T a brief outline of things, I don't remember 75% of my traumas- only the most significant things. Even then it feels like it happened to someone else- I'm just re telling a story.

It's made me doubt my PTSD, my trauma, myself. I liked feeling, even when it was awful, so much better than not feeling. I just feel like I've left my body- like I'm just doing what I have to do and nothing else.

Sorry if this is confusing- I just don't know how to make sense and would love any thoughts. I, of course will discuss with my doctors too, but would love personal thoughts.

 

[TimeToHeal]

I totally get this!!!! I have been struggling with not feeling for quite awhile now. It actually seems to have gotten worse lately, over the past couple of weeks. It's like I'm just functioning, going through the motions, almost like a robot or something at times.

I've discussed it with my therapist - especially since it seems to have gotten worse. We have done 2 sessions of EMDR -- I had very different responses to each session. After the first session, I dissociated worse than any time I can recall in the last several years, and then became severely depressed for about 4 or 5 days. After the second session, it was like I had no emotional response at all. I didn't think about the session or the things that came up. As the days went on I found myself feeling very disconnected from many things. I felt disconnected to therapy, disconnected to my therapist - who I normally stay in contact with via email between sessions (I still haven't emailed her in like 2 weeks!) - I've been feeling a sort of disconnect between my thoughts and my feelings - or lack there of, I guess.

So yeah, I get it. I'm sorry, I don't really have any advice per se, but you are definitely not alone!

Safe :hug: for you.

 

[Powder]

Going through college and counseling at the same time must be placing many demands on you. This may serve as a distraction. I think that you should focus on accepting your coping skills and use therapy as a place to learn more and more healthy coping skills.

I am not informed enough on this particular issue. But it seems to me that getting through school has helped my life, overall, so much that I prioritize it. I would not recommend dropping out just because you have become more numb in order to function in school. But I would check that and get another's more trained opinion.

If you are aware of this, then that is good. It would be less good if you were unaware of your own coping devices.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Thank you both. It is so nice when people can relate although I am so sorry you're struggling too, @TimeToHeal !:hug:

I definitely do not plan of dropping out of school at all, I am going to at a slower pace than I would like, but it's something I can't give up- too important to my future. Thank you for your thoughts @Muse !

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Do you have a chart of emotions to help you identify what you're feeling? I was given one in the hospital. It is common to not be able to feel, and the goal is to have appropriate emotions as opposed to overreaction on one end or numbness on the other end.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

@Solara no, but I'm going to look one up now. Such a good idea! Thank you!

 

[Powder]

Good, I'm so glad you have a pace to complete college in mind. :)