Is There A Point To Continuing Anything Therapeutic That Has No Predictable Schedule?

[ladee]

I LOVE this!! Seekers find. Because we are following a different guide, energy? I don't know. I don't question it. I know, that my life has been full of 'miracles'. Just what I needed, at the time, put before me in ways that others might not see or recognize.

And we absorb others pain sometimes to the point we don't know what is ours or theirs. But somehow we sort it out. And you put it so beautifully about not being able to 'un-grieve'. And that the place or feelings of loss remain, but something is added too. Maybe not to fill the hole left, but to add to the overall human experience.

And was tearful reading how you have come to view and experience 'hope'. Like other gifts given to us in love, it is something to be nurtured, added to, built on. The hope I had first starting this journey is not the hope I have now.

It's huge now. Because I came to understand that hope can be added 'to'. And the fact we can cultivate endless hope is up to us. Just what you were sharing.

I've always 'hoped', you would eventually find 'hope' or something to hang onto, and see yourself as not a waste of space, but a woman of purpose. It's not a requirement to touch a multitude, but we do have a responsibility to touch some. And it's life affirming, and sometimes, that hope is spread to a few a so on.. It builds on itself.

Sometimes I grouse because I am getting older, and feel I missed out on so much because this journey has taken so long. But then I think about what I have got to experience, and see and to sometimes share, that it is enough, in it's own time, in it's own way.

So happy, so relieved, that living is important to you now Junebug. But we have to walk where we walk. We aren't sheep, We don't zigzag thru a field in a group. Just extremely grateful, you held on, continued to seek, to learn, to look and see the star on top of the tree. We get to experience what we are looking for. In my experience.

I love you Ms Junebug. When I first got here on the forum, I always felt such a 'softness' seeing your name and reading your words. Even tho you might be struggling that day, there was still a softness around you. And since I've had so little 'softness' in my life, I was drawn to that and learned so much from you.

Happy for you , in the truest sense of the word. And you explain things beautifully. I always get it. Thank you for being a constant in my life since being here. Thank you for being you.

And we will both let the hope continue to build upon itself. We aren't done yet. We still have miracles to experience.
Love, hugs, and much respect!!! :hug:'s

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw @ladee , as usual your beautiful and gracious and encouraging, sweet self!! I am honored to send my love back in return. :):inlove::hug:

I LOVE this!! Seekers find. Because we are following a different guide, energy? I don't know. I don't question it. I know, that my life has been full of 'miracles'. Just what I needed, at the time, put before me in ways that others might not see or recognize.

And we absorb others pain sometimes to the point we don't know what is ours or theirs. But somehow we sort it out. And you put it so beautifully about not being able to 'un-grieve'. And that the place or feelings of loss remain, but something is added too. Maybe not to fill the hole left, but to add to the overall human experience

Isn't it funny @ladee , since not sure about you- but Idk how much of the seeking I woud have done without the need to? But that in and of itself I don't regret.

The hope I had first starting this journey is not the hope I have now.

It's huge now. Because I came to understand that hope can be added 'to'. And the fact we can cultivate endless hope is up to us. Just what you were sharing.

Yes, and I am so glad for you!! You do not realize it, but you have and are achieving what is considered the greatest milestone in life, that few actually achieve- self-actualization: knowing yourself, not limiting yourself, continuing to reach both inward and ouward. And doing it with finesse and grace. You are my Hero. :)

sometimes, that hope is spread to a few a so on.. It builds on itself.

And there is responsibility in it, I agree. I think, in a weird way, it was a 'good' sign I grieved losing the thought of maybe one day ever having any?

I always get it. Thank you for being a constant in my life since being here. Thank you for being you.

Oh, the same Ladee. Xoxox :hug:

And we will both let the hope continue to build upon itself. We aren't done yet. We still have miracles to experience.
Love, hugs, and much respect!!! :hug:'s

I hope so Ladee! And same for me, too! :)

The strange thing was, I came to understand something for myself (though I have yet to be able to understand how it can extrapolate to help all others): years ago I read about this little 'Saint'- not someone I entirely identified with, but gentle and loved flowers (though I have to add, though gentle some of the things I've read I wish I could punch out a family member or 2 of yours, just once :( , so maybe I'm not that gentle! :don't-know-what-the-angry-x1000-emoji-word-is!: ;) ) . She said re: physical pain, ~'Idk how people who don't believe in something greater don't kill themselves', which she was very tempted to. It occurred to me, she very much understood pain, and despite her softness was simply being direct. But it also occurred to me: she had all this interior understanding; faith; fortitude- but still she couldn't not go through the temptation of it. Her answer as a solution in response was simply, in a way- you don't give up. She did feel there was a purpose, even if she couldn't understand it.

I realize I've tried to live ethically all my life- but if it came to this ethical dilemma- well, I feel fairly confident based on the values of the society we live in I would win the argument, as regards my life doesn't have the value it should, and the peace is attained through riddance of (this) suffering or 'handicap'. But on the other hand, I recall way back hearing, "people don't need assisted dying, they need assisted living and assited loving". Which is very hard to do or accept for yourself, when you don't have much compassion for yourself. But that, of course, adds to the suffering. And in terms of society, one can easily be deemed an inconvenience.

Yet the other irony is, belonging, hanging in there, support, well those are also big gifts to be given, even if they are also big challenges to accept or accomplish. And not necessarily what a person is going to find mainstream- social media is one example- but I know that about myself too. Because I have to parcel my energy and attention, I have no desire not to prioritize, or to spend it trying to be someone I'm not. My limitations in one way, have made me richer as to what matters to my heart.

I would like in the future to see if I can work on this Compassion Focused Therapy they talk about. I know only enough about it that it takes exercises- which of course you can't just 'read' or 'listen to', but have to work on it (like a muscle).

I think too (unrelated)- or I am guessing, just from experience- that in terms of over-riding memories/ triggers, the devil is in the details. And by that I mean, have you ever noticed some of the lousiest memories- some small factors seem to come in to play, or stick with us/ be so salient? But, as you said, conversely it's in the opposite, of noticing the small things that can also help?

I only know, once (not my choice) I was forced to keep over-riding a trigger: now the trigger seems the imposter (not the other way around). Another time I was sick of being triggered by a nice object: I made a plan and all went well, now I have an opposite feeling.
Etc,

So, I think (for me) it takes a skeleton framework; being open that it may or may not suceed; contradicting thoughts as they start to arise- more from being aware of other, positive aspects, and trying to stay positive (above the red line) vs just negating them; and then just sheer good luck/ blessings/ giving it a shot.

What amazes me, is -Idk? What took so much effort and failed attempts, just- is so different, in terms of ~dealing with the memory. I liken it to one of the dog bite scars I have- (it was attained meant to protect me), well it's somewhat fading and I miss it, because I could look at it and love her, not so much for it, but for what I realize motivated it, and also knowing her own 'scars'/ experiences- and just really because I loved that dog, and I can laugh about the experience. And, well, my hand is still attached lol. :)

Love you Ladee, thank you I know you always understood. I am so lucky. :notworthy::):inlove::hug:

Sweet dreams to you xoxox.

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG- I think I got Christmas Day off!! :wideeyed::wideeyed::wideeyed::wideeyed: ??:)

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh wow !! @Junebug :) :) :) :hug: :hug:

 

[ladee]

@Junebug, Me, a hero??? Not hardly. Feet made of clay and old and tired... lol, but if you need a temporary hero, I'll stand by you, no matter what. Stand with you, while you give all these old false beliefs and lies a swift kick in the butt!!

Gentle does not mean the little saint wasn't a fighter in her own way. Sometimes the more gentle our hearts, the more easily hurt, the more of a fighter we become. Because 'wrong' is wrong, no matter who does the telling of the story, right?

And now you are going to give yourself permission to experience self compassion. That is a beautiful and loving gift you are giving yourself Junebug!! Because others can feel this for us , and thank the Universe they do, but when it's just us, by our selves, in the middle of the night, we do have to learn how to give this to ourselves. And it helps so much during the times it seems that no one understands us, because WE do. We do understand our selves and all the history we carry with us.

Love you Junebug. And I am blessed to have someone in my life that holds 'truth' to a higher level. We do not have to live the entire life that others affected, with the beginning we had, and many glitches along the way, as we were learning this new path. We get to find our own way, and what brings us a sense of peace and meaning. My life had to have more meaning than my abusers assigned me. Their truth is NOT mine.

Be gentle with yourself , you are learning to count on yourself. And that is powerful... love you , and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, self compassion is going to be your final frontier to self actualization... nothing has stopped you yet.

Transcending our beginnings is a beautiful experience. But we have to 'work those muscles'... until they can hold us up, regardless of the situations life presents... you got this !!!


And yay that you got Christmas Day off.. Hope you have something special planned as a gift for that day. Love you!! :hug:s

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh wow !!

Yes @blackemerald , oh wow is right!!! :):wideeyed: :hug::hug::hug: XOX

Me, a hero??? Not hardly. Feet made of clay and old and tired.

Oh @ladee , my definition of a hero does not mean perfect or young or 'ease'; it means soul and heart, being true, ,being honest, being brave, having depth, having guts to stand up for yourself and others or what you feel is right, being willing to give of yourself, or protect or not harm others, acting (or not-reacting) with some wisdom and foresight, believing in something more and greater than the status-quo, being genuine and transparent, having moxie :) . Stuff like that. ;) That's pretty tiring, btw. :)

Well @ladee , not sure if I'll ever feel self-sufficient or 'brave' or be a fighter in the conventional sense, but not fighting myself might be a good start?

Hugs and love to you!! :inlove::hug:

I have no idea what I will do for Christmas yet lol. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

ETA, I thought of something too, @ladee (in seriousness):

To me, most 'heros/ heroines' are unknown and out-of-sight; that is, by definition, to even accomplish what they do others cannot know, and they don't care they know. Like Oskar Schindler. (I read recently how he went back to 'failing' in business and they were critiquing that- this was because of such-and-such-and-such. Me personally, I think suceeding in 'business' was no longer his primary goal. But that's just my personal opinion. I don't think they 'get it').

The (very hard-fought) peace you have attained and created for yourself is a peace of gift to others around you, and the world. They may not accept that peace, but that's not your business or concern. It's still heroic, and still a (great) gift. It's also an act of courage to commit to having, and to spread hope.

Love to you @ladee xox.

 

[blackemerald1]

I have no idea what I will do for Christmas yet lol.

So now you must weigh up all of the options? Hmm that's a happy place to be at - isn't it? :hug: :)

 

[ladee]

About Oskar Schindler, I agree!!! I doubt his business had much meaning after what he did. Pay the bills, but his heart was somewhere else. The lives he touched and saved. So, also sure he didn't care what others were saying either.

And thank you for the hero explanation. It's ok for me to get uncomfortable hearing all those good things about myself. !! I do listen with my heart tho. Thank you Junebug.

And 'fighting' means, to perservere... no matter what, no matter how tired and crazy we get, to give our selves a break to be crazy, then get back on our path. This is not a straight trip my any means. And if we didn't take the crazy side trips, we wouldn't appreciate the sanity when it shows up!! right??

From my heart Junebug... you are a sweetie, and very appreicated... :hug:'s