Is What I Am Doing Wrong?

[Chris]

Ok I want some opinions, I am married with two children, however we are separated. We got married a little over 2 years ago, and I had been denying my PTSD from December 2005 until April 2011 when I was officially diagnosed with it. While we were together she would tell me that I had PTSD and I needed help. I didn't go of course (I'm Infantry were not susceptible to that right .... bullshit), anyways I am diagnosed with PTSD and I accept it. I ask her to work on it with me and she says no, she doesn't understand it and doesn't want to help me work through it. She waits until I am at work, and calls and tells me that she is leaving with the kids and wants a divorce. Fast forward to June, I have been released from my inpatient therapy, and I meet the most amazing woman. She understands PTSD, she doesn't see me as some sort of freak or killer, when I come out of a panic or anxiety attack shes the one holding my hand and drying my tears. The only place I feel safe or calm is when she is holding my hand or has me wrapped in her arms. The other night I had a nightmare followed by a flashback and panic attack which woke her up. She sat there and calmed me down and talked me through and helped me process everything that had happened. I love this woman with mind, body, and soul and want to spend the rest of my life with her. The feeling is mutual. There has been no chance of working things out with my wife since the day she walked out, we both want the divorce, I can't live with someone who would walk out on me like that in my worst time of need. I just wanted to know your opinions, am I wrong in having my girlfriend? I don't feel as though I am doing anything wrong, tell me what you think.

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate, it takes a very tough partner (both male and female veterans here) with iron skin to stand by their veteran with PTSD. Mine tried to make a go of it after I returned with PTSD in 2002, but after my deployment to Iraq in 05/06 I was downgraded medically. My then wife who was living in a different house to me, went of the PTSD course to see if she could make it work, she left towards the end.

I met a wonderful, kind, understanding woman too. I too feel safe when I am with her and when I am in her arms. Its one of the only times I can truly relax.

I think you are fortunate mate to find someone, I don't thing you are doing anything wrong. Just don't blame your wife mate, its not her fault, she just could not handle it. I don't blame my ex for walking out and ruining our marriage. Anyway, there are two better reasons to keep the relationship with your wife friendly mate. They are your future.

As for your girlfriend now, there are a shit load of articles on here that you can print off for her to read if she wants to. Its a long and hard road to recovery mate and having someone by your side makes it just so much better.

Jimmy

 

[Chris]

It is very hard to keep this friendly, especially every time she pokes her finger in the "beasts" cage. She is being very vindictive about this as if I have wronged her in some way. With every poke of that damn finger of hers, it riles the "beast" up a little bit more each time.

 

[Jimmy1]

Its hard to do and I don't know her or you, but think about it from their perspective. Their loving husband went away doing his duty and came home a different person than she married, and that person did not appeal to her.

I used to believe in 'Till Death Do Us Part', but PTSD screwed that up.

The only thing I can say is for your kids sake, keep the beast sedated. They see enough shit in this world.

 

[Chris]

I agree, and I know that y'all will help me out on that one.

 

[Ammonthejarhead]

Its Ammon, I took the computer away... I only had 2 serious relationship when I served. My first wife left me when I went to Somalia because she didn't believe in war (she should have thought about that before marrying a Marine) and my fiance left me when I was deployed and actually dumped me 2 days before I was supposed to return home. Its hard brother to find a woman that can support a strong man when he starts to fall apart.

 

[Chris]

Well I found one brother, and she won't be the one that got away.

 

[Ammonthejarhead]

Thats good to hear, I found myself a strong woman also that has stood behind me during my treatment... she also used bring grub and desserts for the other Vets in the clinic who didn't have family or loved ones on the outside. One of the Vietnam Vets started calling her "his adopted daughter" because he hasn't talk to his kids in more than 10 years. The good gals are out there.

 

[Misera1013]

I'm so glad that you found someone!!!!

 

[reddevil1111]

Shoot. I want to upgrade as well.
Mine hates me and lets me know every day.
Its like being able to see the bomb, knowing its a bomb and not being able to do anything about it.
The thing will blow up someday. When, I have no clue.
Yesterday she went on about it being her turn to be mad and upset and it was my turn to just take it.
I want to get along with her and make it work but that trainwreck is getting closer.
Once you find someone who understands you and loves you I would not let go ever. For any reason.
You are a blessed man and I hope you find happiness.
As for Jimmy -Whats that God? ahhh ok Lord, I will tell him! Jimmy? he says I will be ok but your f*cked !!! :cautious:;)

 

[Chris]

You know what devil, I am going to tell you what my old man told me, he said "Keep your head down and push through it, but when it happens, look up to the heavens and shout IT'S ABOUT f*ckIN' TIME, IT SURE AS HELL TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!!!" I would like to thank all of you for your support, I was really at my wits end and I am glad I found a caring family, dysfunctional, but caring, lol.

 

[Chris]

she also used bring grub and desserts for the other Vets in the clinic

Well ask her to send some vittles this way I'm a starvin' grunt LMAO!