Is Wishing You Were Dead The Same As Feeling Suicidal?

[Okuw]

I'm feeling more depressed this last week, too. In this case, I know what it is. Nervous strain of holding onto too much stress for too long for a good cause. Even with a good outcome, the damage to my PTSD body is done, and I (and those around me?) pay the price, watching me in pain and fatigue. Having the trophy in hand and wanting to be dead is lame.


PTSD just doesn't care what you have to show for the stress.

Self-care has to come back on higher levels until energy returns. Lots and lots of self-care and goodness, until you are spoiling yourself silly. Remove the stress as much as possible and trick into feeling as good as possible for a while in healthy ways. Medicate as necessary to do this if the natural ways do not work.

Laugh, move, rest, stretch, videos of puppies and kittens doing funny things, eat popcorn and candy. Treat yourself as you would a friend who is down. Don't stop until it's gone.

Lie to yourself if you must. Smile, it releases happy chems and tricks your brain.

Remove excessive chemicals that may be a drain on the body and eat nutrients, not just the cravings, even though eating sounds pointless.

Get a massage or do a bath.

Keep fighting the good fight, my friend. Many of us are having the same issues today. But we got this!

If within 3 days this isn't starting to move, call the Dr. and ask for medical support for recovery, not removal of meds.

 

[Ece]

i just typed into google "i wish i was dead" and see what came up.
I don't know if it's fear of death, or guilt at hurting those left behind....i worry about the care my animals would get. I don't know how i can feel guilty about burdening my husband with that, but then at the same time i just want to write this huge long letter about all the verbal abuse and insanity he's put me through and blame him for me dying and just get satisfaction that I'M DEAD and free from him. I want him to hurt about it. I want him to hate himself. I want him to feel how he makes me feel.
i keep thinking there is hope or change, but there never really is, and i'm so stuck here. And i don't want to start again, it's too hard,, i'm too tired. I'm so tired! I have medical issues and i am in pain constantly. I am tired of this pointless, lonely, boring, burdening life. I hate his arrogant talking down to me and the fake making up at the end. I've been telling him for months i'm depressed and unhappy and how he can help and he just turns it around that he's stressed and i really have no reason to feel bad. I have the life, being at home now, since i can't work because i'm ill. I should feel sorry for him!
And we have a company together. naturally every single thing i do is wrong. i work for a few hours, as much as i can a day, and it's all shit by the time he sees it. He's a control freak perfectionist.
i also just stopped talking to my mom, which feels great and guilty. She parentized me for 30 years or so. I was the adult, she the child. Me being constantly hyper aware of her mood because she'll either tell me again about her abuses (I was 7 the first time she told me in detail about her molestations) or she'll go mad and start beating me. Like, i was hiding inbetween my bed and toybox as a teen while she beat me until she got tired.
I've had to call every day as an adult. I finally stopped that.
She told me when i got married it was like i'd died.
she doesn't quit, so i finally finally am able to stop talking to her.
but i married her basically. my husband throws tantrums and blames me for everything (i dropped my glass! well if you hadn't been talking and distracting me, i wouldn't have, soo it's your fault!) like dumb things or big. always my fault.
There's so much. soo much hurt back and forth. i never want to go through this again. i don't want this life and i don't even want a do-over or to start over. i just want to be dead.

 

[Huvoz]

Ece! I just read this and had to reply - firstly please don't think of killing yourself to hurt somebody else!!
It would achieve its aim but if you really saw the devastation suicide causes in others you would not want to do that!
Leaving him would be a far braver and more honourable thing to do.
Many of us have to start again at an age we don't want to - you're not alone there! And if you really hate him as much as it sounds like you do, you really should do so, or if not - get thee into therapy!!
Like today!!

 

[Kuluf]

I'm new to this page/forum and bits and pieces of all of your stories read like mine in a way. I don't even know where to begin? But I do know I have dealt with depression ( or whatever I have) for at least 27 years. It got worse after the birth of my daughter. But there again it comes and goes. For a long time now I just wish I was dead. I have needed to say that for a long time but didn't know who to say it to. I have so many issues going on in my head. On the outside I don't think anyone suspects because I am generally a happy person. I have nothing to be depressed about. I look at my life and I just don't know! I have to force myself to be that way becasue I can't stand to be around people that are just miserable (mostly my inlaws)....constantly complaining about every aspect of their life. I just pray every night when I go to bed that I won't wake up. I would never try to take my own life but considered something to make my death look like it was natural.even then I just don't know. I know there are some that would be sad....the worst would be my daughter and my mother,brothers and sisters. I have very close friends that would be sad too but I have seen them all recover from a death and move on. Or like someone else mentioned, just disappear. But even then my memories would still be with and that wouldn't be easy either. I'm not sure if therapy would help or not. I have tried it in the past and when talking about certain people that I had issues with, my doctor realized they knew who I was talking about and they thought this person was very nice. that was the end of that. How could I talk about this person when my doctor couldn't understand my issues with this very nice person. Sometimes I just feel my family and friends would just be better off if I wasn't around and eventually they would be. What do I do? Who should I talk to? I can't burden my friends and family with my problems all of the time. I may talk about it to get it out there but if they knew how I really felt all of the time??? I just say it and move on and try to be happy on the outside. I used to cry all of the time and yet try to hide it. Then I felt like I hit rock bottom and I went on meds and gained 50pounds...but hey! I didn't give a crap if I was fat if these meds numbed the pain. Eventually they stopped working and I weaned myself off and was good for awhile. I lost my weight and felt good. Now I just don't cry and wish I could just slip away and be done. But like today, my feelings are just consuming me and I am left paralized and not able to do anything. So today I decided if there was anyone else out there that felt like I do , what are they doing about it?

 

[Pepezi]

i just typed into google "i wish i was dead" and see what came up.
I don't know if it's fear of death, or guilt at hurting...

I can see where you are coming from about wanting your husband to hurt knowing that he is the reason you did what you did. I have felt that way myself at times. Not because my husband abuses me physically or verbally...actions speak louder than words and it's lack of action that hurts me most . Could I just leave him...yes, but it's not really him...it is and it isn't I guess. It's his lack of support against his family that hurts the most. So I could leave him but I still wouldn't be happy...that bringing me to...I just wish I could die.

 

[Fajit]

Is wishing you were dead the same as feeling suicidal? I know this may seem obvious, but I actually mean the focus is in...

Wow every word is exactly how I feel it's almost like I was reading my own thoughts. It is a breathe of fresh air to read and feel like I'm not the only one. Thank you for justifying how I feel and think so I know I'm not crazy. I guess if there is a few people who feel that way there may actually be a way out I feel like I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel I hate telling me that I hate living and that death would make me feel better but explaining myself only makes me feel worse and then the end result of still being misunderstood is beyond frustrating so thank you

 

[Raju]

Ive been feeling like this nearly every day for the last few months, I have 2 babies, married and studying. I lost my mum 2 years ago to cancer then after trying 18 months for my first child finally got pregnant a month later (a month too late) then found my dad dead after a cardiac arrest whilst 6 months pregnant. I found out I was pregnant again when my son was 6 month old with my baby girl and had a planned section that went horribly wrong, to cut a long story short I spent 6 hours in surgery, very nearly died and had an emergency hysterectomy while I was under. I'm only 28. I've fought through it all but just recently I can't help but regret the fact I made it through and wish I'd have died. The feeling is getting worse every day and finding myself too thinking abut if my family would be better off not having me here rather than put up with my tears, mood swings and negativity. I feel like I'm dragging my husband down so much, he was so full of life and now has no get up and go in him anymore, he's struggling to control his temper now and snapping at me because I'm the way I am. He has no idea I'm feeling this bad and hurts more that he can't see how bad it is. I constantly fight myself thinking about the effect it would have on my babies but then also think they're so young yet and they won't remember me when they're older anyway. I want to be with my mum and dad so much and literally feel torn between wanting to be with them and not watching my babies grow up. I wouldn't want anyone else raising them because I don't trust anyone to do a good enough job so even considered what if I took them with them. Do I really want them to grow up in this horrible world where we work for nothing and kill ourselves trying to just get by. Ive grown to hate life itself and feel guilty for bringing them into this world when there's so much pain and suffering. I'd never hurt my babies and they are the sole reason I haven't actually taken my life but every day hurts and I can't explain this feeling to anyone I know because I know they won understand or will think it's just seeking attention. it flipping hurts so much though. I am glad others feel this way and I'm not on my own with it

 

[Nopuf]

I don't know if it is the same thing, but I think sometimes how much better people would be if I got run over by a bus...

 

[Asa]

I read this, after googling this subject, and I was touched by this. I guess because I feel exactly the same. However.....

I feel this way to a 'T.' ~ Exactly the same way.

 

[Toci]

I told my T about my suicidal thoughts. No plans, just thoughts. Much to my surprise she told me there is nothing wrong with that, to not feel threatened or afraid by them. Our brains are magnificent structures, they go places - good and bad - that you can't imagine. The trick is to see them as thoughts, be kind to them, and let them move on like all others.

There is something that keeps us from actually going through with something like that. Some say it's a sense of guilt and responsibility, or various other reasons. But I think if we're completely honest with ourselves, there is a small, but forceful part of us that hopes, dreams, and wants to live. There's an essence, an elusive core within us, completely untouched by whatever has happened to us. It's whole and indestructible, it's what let's us get out of bed, brush our teeth, think of others and their love for us. No matter how dimmed at times, it's there. We shouldn't lose sight of that.

 

[Akuja]

Is wishing you were dead the same as feeling suicidal? I know this may seem obvious, but I actually mean the focus is in...

I think those are two different things. Suicidal thoughts really only happen when someone is in such pain that they do not see another way out. To wish that one is dead is in itself a serious complication of course, but I also think if the wish to be dead continues then it can lead to actually attempting suicide.

What has helped me is to find my own likes and dislikes and to completely sever any kind of contacts that came from people who thought they should be in my personal life. Such measures are extreme and bring their own challenges.

The patient literally needs to learn to finally find out what they really want out of life before they can move into a more calm environment.

 

[Ebadas]

I am 36 years old and have been dealing with the thoughts and feelings described in this post since I was around 19. I remember driving down the highway and wishing that a LARGE truck would push me off the overpass, or that perhaps I'd be one of those lucky college kids who died because their friend was an asshole driving home drunk from a party. Maybe I would be blessed with a disease that would cut this ridiculous joke of life off short. All around me people are dying. I am envious. My best friend ever, of all time, coolest guy and friend I'd ever had, died on me last year. He died of a heroin OD. I know his death wasn't intentional but I actually became angry with him for dying before me and leaving me alone. I hate me life and I would be perfectly happy with not being alive. The ONLY reason I haven't taken my own life is because of the people that love me. There is an AMAZING girl that loves the shit out of me for some reason, my mom, sisters, my dog... Those people would end up carrying the pain I left behind... Suicide IS NOT AN OPTION for me. f*ck, I wish it were many times a year, but its not. I have a responsibility to something out there... I am a part of this universe and I need to learn to love myself as such