Relationship Isolation again but progress nonetheless

[Woundedhealer]

So after not seeing my boyfriend for 6 weeks and then not even texting for 2 weeks, we somehow found our way back together and spent a few weeks enjoying each other’s company. Although he wasn’t yet in the frame of mind to talk about the hard stuff, I was able to get across a few of my boundaries ...

1. he doesn’t get to break up with me every time he feels bad ... if he wants to end it then it has to be done when he’s not symptomatic
2. If he needs to isolate then he needs to tell me with a simple text
3. We both have to be doing therapy

We spent a wonderful Friday evening together, I spent the night and then 4 days went by with no response to texts etc

Obviously, I knew something must have happened and he was shutting down again.
So last night , I reminded him in a text in a very considerate and respectful way of the boundary we had agreed upon about him needing to tell me what he needed or didn’t need from me in a simple text.
He responded immediately saying he was sorry, he was dealing with custody issues over his kids, he was overwhelmed and he needed to take some time to sort out life.

I responded I understand, I’m here if you need me.

So although I am saddened that he is having such a hard time, I am also thankful that he respected me and my boundaries and now I can just carry on with my life and working on me while he deals with what he needs to deal with.
I feel like we’ve turned a corner ... and I’m totally okay with just letting him be.
I know in my heart he’ll reach out to me when he’s ready cause that was our deal. I had explained before that just that simple text allows me to honour his needs but also gives me the reassurance that he’s still committed to us.

I am okay ... Of course I miss him and it sucks that he’s so overwhelmed but I know he’s doing what he needs to do for his health and his life!

Thanks to this forum and my therapy I am learning to set boundaries and stick to them and man does it ever feel good to honour myself!

 

[Mytime]

Great job at looking out for your needs.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What an awesome job! Simple boundries do wonders for both parties! Go you!

 

[Respectfully1979]

So after not seeing my boyfriend for 6 weeks and then not even texting for 2 weeks, we somehow found our way back together and spent a few weeks enjoying each other’s company. Although he wasn’t yet in the frame of mind to talk about the hard stuff, I was able to get across a few of my boundaries ...

1. he doesn’t get to break up with me every time he feels bad ... if he wants to end it then it has to be done when he’s not symptomatic
2. If he needs to isolate then he needs to tell me with a simple text
3. We both have to be doing therapy

We spent a wonderful Friday evening together, I spent the night and then 4 days went by with no response to texts etc

Obviously, I knew something must have happened and he was shutting down again.
So last night , I reminded him in a text in a very considerate and respectful way of the boundary we had agreed upon about him needing to tell me what he needed or didn’t need from me in a simple text.
He responded immediately saying he was sorry, he was dealing with custody issues over his kids, he was overwhelmed and he needed to take some time to sort out life.

I responded I understand, I’m here if you need me.

So although I am saddened that he is having such a hard time, I am also thankful that he respected me and my boundaries and now I can just carry on with my life and working on me while he deals with what he needs to deal with.
I feel like we’ve turned a corner ... and I’m totally okay with just letting him be.
I know in my heart he’ll reach out to me when he’s ready cause that was our deal. I had explained before that just that simple text allows me to honour his needs but also gives me the reassurance that he’s still committed to us.

I am okay ... Of course I miss him and it sucks that he’s so overwhelmed but I know he’s doing what he needs to do for his health and his life!

Thanks to this forum and my therapy I am learning to set boundaries and stick to them and man does it ever feel good to honour myself!

This thread really resonates with me. I am in a similar position currently and giving my partner time and waiting for him to come back to me. We've not seen each other for 6 weeks and only had minimal text messaging conversations. I am hopeful that if I continue with being patient and gentle, he will want to catch up so we can have 'the chat' and establish some ground rules. Agreed that this forum is super helpful and makes such a difference being able to connect with people who are dealing with the same issues.