It's All For Attention

[Orglethorp]

I'm not really sure what to make of this situation with my sorority sisters, right now. Being in a sorority means that these ladies are your sisters for life, not just temporary friends for the next 4 years while you finish your degree. To be completely honest, these ladies and I are that close. We all bonded instantly, and I trust these girls more than most. That being said, none of them know about my PTSD, or that I struggle with self harm & suicidal ideation from time to time. I do want to tell them, eventually, but I'm terrified that I'll be judged for it. We're in Newfoundland, after all, and regardless of how friendly as Newfoundlanders are known to be, the place is also notoriously out dated when it comes to views on issues of mental health, sexuality, etc.

Just over a week ago, when we were all together for our semester internal event (in other words, "girl's night in"), one of the girls started talking about how a former roommate of hers was a cutter, and how it was clearly all for attention. Now, while I agree after hearing the whole story that whoever this was, they clearly did want to be discovered, I was put off by the general attitude toward self injury that was coming through in the conversation.

Two days ago the same girl who has started that conversation attempted to overdose after finding out that her boyfriend of 3 years has been cheating on her the whole time. The thing is, she clearly was doing it for the attention. She didn't overdose on something fatally dangerous like pain medication, she just took 2 months' worth of birth control pills. It was stupid, and she'll be paying for it for a few days, but there's no way that was ever going to kill her and she knew it. She admits that she did it "to hurt him." She called 2 of our sisters after she did it, but then didn't want their help when they got there, fought against going to the hospital when the ambulance arrived, and left the hospital without being officially discharged a few hours later (don't ask me why that was allowed to happen, I do not know).

I realize that this girl is depressed and needs help, and I'm most definitely there for her. We all are, and we're all making sure she knows that. The thing is, while I completely agree with my fellow sisters that her actions were stupid, selfish and "for attention," (yes, I realize it's a cry for help) I'm worried that between last weekend's discussion on self harm and this weekend's incident, a president has been set for dismissing all such things as "just for attention." I'm worried that now if these ladies do find out that I struggle with genuine suicidal ideation, that they won't see it as anything different than what this girl has done.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I don't know if a suicide attempt is ever just for attention. It may be a cry for help. With her, I think it is. Especially since she brought up cutting the week before. I think she might have done that hoping someone would say, no, it is serious and that girl needed help. Maybe then she could have asked. Maybe you could find some literature and bring up times when people seemed to be looking for attention, and really needed help. They would take it more seriously. I tend to educate whenever possible regardless of who knows what about me, and then maybe people will bring it up in conversation with others.

You are in a difficult situation, but I hope that they would be able to see the difference. I feel for you because I don't look suicidal, but I am. I was suicidal when working, and both my doctor and therapist were shocked the first attempt I made last year. I guess my point is that you could discuss it without them ever knowing you had it.

 

[WillyKat]

Maybe the whole phrase "just for attention" should be done away with. I dunno. I just think that just about *anything* people do, other than sleeping, is just for attention. I suppose it probably means "just for emotional attention". Well, we all need that.

I'm of the opinion that if someone does something unusual and does it to get attention, then give it to them.

 

[squirrelygirl]

I don't know the extent of your sorority (are you a local? NPC? other type I may have missed?) but I think a great idea would be to get some kind of programming for your house about mental health issues. Talk to your risk management chair or membership chair if you have them (or whatever the equivalent may be) or your advisers if you have those.

 

[Orglethorp]

We are NPC affiliated, but we're an extremely new chapter. There are plenty of "chairs" not filled at the moment.

The girl I was talking about in this thread left the sorority, though.

 

[The Albatross]

Half hearted suicide attempts and comments about self harming from people who have no experience with it or mental illness are not necessarily problematic people. They are, in a lot of cases, not as traumatized or experienced with traumas or suicidal impulses, or mental illness ... they are lay people. Take them with a grain of salt. And I think that you've got two choices, out yourself and give these people an education, or ignore the girls who saw the self harm as "attention seeking" and be glad for them that they haven't had the experiences you've had.

Most likely if it was me, I'd choose the latter. But seek to assist the girl who abused her birth control pills, "attempting suicide". To her, this is a big deal. The others? Not so much.

 

[squirrelygirl]

If you're that new, do you still have various help from your (inter)national headquarters? You could always go that route as far as programming. These issues are something that needs to be addressed. NPC sororities really discourage these types of attitudes and behaviors... for my sorority, our IHQ is more than aware that trauma effects our sisters and that is why we are SO anti-hazing. Either way I'd highly recommend bringing it up before these attitudes are well-cultivated within the chapter.

 

[GreenFrog2]

I don't know if a suicide attempt is ever just for attention.

I think that there is always some kind of real reason for a suicide attempt - maybe as simple as not having good coping skills.

I am not familiar with sorority houses, but surely if you are all sisters then you could use this situation as an opportunity to learn more about suicide / trauma / self harm - perhaps a workshop or something? Not just on what these things are, but also on how to develop coping skills / deal with pressure, stress and loss / self soothing etc...

It sounds like you are all pretty young (uni age) and it I would have loved to able to develop these sorts of skills when I was studying - not just to help with at uni, but also as life skills.

 

[Orglethorp]

This thread isn't really relevant anymore, as the girl I was talking about left the sorority.

 

[GreenFrog2]

OK, but what about you and the other ladies - this sort of thing happens all of the time. I just thought it might be useful to use the opportunity to help everyone develop their coping skills, so when they end up in a really distressing situation they have better ways to cope.

 

[healthbuilder]

Hi Orglethrop,
As you are suffering from self harm, you need to follow self help or self esteem. It protects you from self harm and suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts are dangerous, we can't have control on them......