Just A Little Spat....

[Bosco2153]

It started so unexpectedly. We were discussing whether to spend a small amount of money on one home improvement or another, and he got furious...more than his norm. He's my sweet, passive husband of 30 years. At one point he told me to shut the $%@$ up...totally out of character. I was afraid of him for the first time ever. So I spent the evening in our home office on my laptop until he went to bed, and now I'm in the living room wondering if I can sleep in our bed next to him. Part of me wants to allow myself to freak out and sink into memories and relive moments of my past abusive relationship, and part of me just wants to get on with things and put it behind us...but that element of fear has changed things after all these years. I'm not even sure if my fear is sensible or if I blew it out of proportion because of my PTSD. I'm not good at knowing when fear is normal. I think I'll just finish my popcorn and then meander down the hallway and see which direction tugs at me. Sigh. I really just want to be in a dark closet with a thick blanket.

 

[Stickler]

T'were it me, I'd be in the closet to sleep...But it seems to be really important in my world to try and honor, as much as possible, the fears of my headspace littles?

This is certainly something to talk out calmly in a better moment.

 

[Stickler]

T'were it me, I'd be in the closet to sleep...But it seems to be really important in my world to try an...

...or , well, in my opinion, it needs to not be swept under the rug...not so much to pillory him about it, but...why is it so important to him that he get his way in this?
Is this really about something else?
Does he realized he frightened you?
...and other things I can't think of offhand.

 

[Saint Nik]

This is certainly something to talk out calmly in a better moment.

@deedlerock I totally agree with @Stickler I too would definitely want to bring this up and talk about it in a calm manner. It's the only way you are going to clear this up and not link it with terrifying memories from your past! Especially the fact you mention that your husband is sweet and passive, he could be feeling stressed about something and it might open things up for him too and you both can share! So yeah, I agree, definitely get this out in the open when you can and don't bottle it up, holding it all in to only fester and make you feel 10x worse!

 

[Bosco2153]

Thanks to both of you for your kind replies. I got through the night...slept in the guest room with the door locked (it was often during the night that my ex/abuser would be his worst after an argument). I am building up more fear as the hours go on, but I plan to resolve it...I've gotten fairly good at recognizing and managing when I feel the downhill spiral. My husband went off to work while I hid in the guest room...so I just have the day to get through and am trying to keep myself grounded with silly stuff like gardening and genealogy...while keeping constant watch over my shoulder for motorcycle parts (my ex threw at me years ago) to come flying at my head. I will get through it. Thanks again.

 

[Saint Nik]

You sound like you know the signs, your awareness is very good now for looking for the red flags of when your past comes up and makes you want to hurl into this downward spiral. You are doing everything right with your grounding techniques. . . I hope one day I can have the bravery of facing a trigger such as yourself right now! Keep doing what you are doing and also your replies are helping me so much too! I seem to crumble at the first signs of my triggers!

I will get through

I believe you and I am in awe of you, I know how hard this must be for you. Soon this will be resolved and hopefully these waves of intense overwhelming emotions will ease for you and you can reach some equilibrium! :hug: