Yellowaura
New Here
Ok I've decided to put down my situation, as much for myself really to accept and get out of my own denial. Don't think you have to respond, I just need to put it out there somewhere.
Me and him - met him through a friend, we became friends and he persued me for about 6 months. I was unsure due to wanting to make sure i had the ability to trust again after being in an abusive relationship years before. The first 2 years of our relationship he had 2 tours, 1 to afghan. He is loving and affectionate. Never had any issues in the intimacy department apart from the occasional confidence issue (me more than him).
He lived with me as soon as he could. Less than 6 months into our relationship he was commuting to camp every day if he could.
He came back different.
We had decided to make big plans for holidays etc and talked about mRriage in the future and his future career plans. His sleep patterns, irritability and anger occasionally showed face, but the main issue were the nightmares. Every morning, when he was home, he would say did you sleep well- I always said yes, but never brought the nightmares up. I could tell you about everything he went through in afghan, everything. He has relived a few episodes on more than 1 occassion. He never had problems with things I would plan, but he has always said he doesn't mind. And most of our holidays have been last minute because he can't decide.
Christmas he would always want to be with my family, but mainly me. When his mum asked to visit he let her but always told her weekends were 'our time' together.
He bought himself a motorbike when he came back. He has now had 4 accidents since he returned with it. Allot his fault, the latest being caused by a comrade who didn't see him. He has the CCTV footage and wanted me to watch it because it was so 'cool'.
We've not long returned from a £5k holiday. We had an amazing time. He really needed it as he has been HATING his job for about 18months now. Also in April I signed half of the house to him, it is his home as much as mine, I'd only had the house for 4 months before I met him. This was finalised 5 weeks ago, 2 weeks after his most recent accident.
He has been spending a bit more time on camp recently due to workload but also I've nearly lost my job twice this year.
He has always sent me messages and phoned me when he's not been with me, rang me on his way home after nights out drinking with the lads on camp. This has increased since he came back from afghan over 2 years ago. I've never stopped him doing anything he has ever wanted to do. He has had some of the lads stay over on weekends and has always said if he brings them over it's because they are what he classes as decent people and not just idiots of which he has said alot of the lads he meets are.
When these accidents happen he beats himself up about it, and the last one got to him and he thanked me for sticking with him because 'he must be wearing thin by now with all the s#%# that happens to him'. My reply was well you've always got ms, I'm notgoing anywhere. He brought his bike up back to our house from where it was being stored on the monday. All week he was texting I love you and wish I could come home but he couldn't drive due to the accident causing him quite bad damage and a potential operation on the horizon.
Gosh this is long. Sorry if it's confusing.
Anyway, Friday night we went to his friends house who was expecting their first child and we had a meal. His future career conversation came up- he wants to go special ops, and we all had a conversation about someone who had died during the training because of an accident. My comment was flippant but I NEVER said I didn't want him to do it but just that I wasn't as keen on him doing it. However he might not be able to now due to the damage this accident has caused, but I didn't mention that.( A few weeks before, he had sat me down and offered for me to do new training for a new career as mine is basically hell. He then said if you had a real reason, I would give up special ops for us. )
Friday night we drove home, chatted a bit. He told me if special ops didn't work out he would prob just go for promotion. It would not be what he wanted but it would be more money. (when we first met btw he told me a little White lie which I think was just to impress ms that he had money saved in the bank for the future, I never cared if he had a penny to his name but he has never come clean about this.)
Saturday I got up, went to work, kisses him goodbye. I got home and he told me the whole ' we need to talk'. He left 15 mins later crying saying he needed space and was so unhappy. I was gobsmacked. The day before he had called 3 times we had gone to friends for dinner. No sign. We had completed the house paperwork the week before. He had brought his bike up from near camp back home on the Monday.
I left him to it as I could see he was hurting as he was crying so much leaving. Few days later, I get a text message saying I'm not coming back, this has to be done. I need to be alone. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm sorry. I hope you will forgive me and we can be talking and friends again. This is just as hard for me as it is for you. When you are ready we will talk.
I stood my ground and told him he is not doing this by text message and I will see him in a few weeks face to face. 2 weeks later I asked him when we could meet and he has been Telling me he is working so will let me know. He hasn't. It's 4 weeks today. His things are still at the house. He has not asked to meet up and I'm not pushing it.
He has been telling lies to people, family and friends, and ignoring some people saying he is working all the time. He has said to his grandparents our last holiday was make or break(back in august) and that he had talked to me about being unhappy but nothing changed. He didnt talk to me at all apart from about how unhappy he was at work.
He is blocking people out massively, except a couple of people on camp who he had previously classed as 'idiots'. He is going out drinking alot with them, spending most evenings with them, yet never wanted to be around them before because of their infantile behaviour.
He ignores his sister and still hasn't called his mum, except for sending inappropriate jokes to her when she sends him a basic message.
His grandfather spoke with him Saturday and just came out with 'is something bothering you from
Afghan' he replied with well, it was at the beginning but I think I'm over that now. I'm stronger than people think I am. His grandfather didn't say anymore on it.
The whole family are concerned about him and keep saying that this out completely out of character. Apparent his work have seen a change in him according to what they said to his mum, but they cannot help if he doesn't ask.
He has not really contacted his 'friends' except an awkward and cold message once (even his friend who had their daughter this week he said 'best of luck' and 'congrats we should wet the baby's head by drinking'- that's the only contact he has had with him in a month).
His message to his mum when she asked him why he was doing this was that 'I love her with all my heart I'm just unhappy. It's nothing she has done, it's all in my head. There's nothing wrong with me'.
It just sounds like he is so lost in his own head. I'm trying to be strong for him, but I've just come out of hospital due to a miscarriage complications- I didn't even know. I haven't told him as I think it would be too much to cope with.
He won't talk about 'in his head stuff' as he is worried he would be kicked out and his career could
Never progress. Noone outside can talk to him about it because he doesn't reply when anyone asks him how he is.Previous relationships he has always ran to his family when they have ended. He has been having nightmares still to this day, flinches all the time, plays ALOT of computer war games, never has a good nights sleep, always thanks me for standing by him.
Sorry it's so long. Just had to get it all out. His family want him to see someone. He says there is no problem.
Me and him - met him through a friend, we became friends and he persued me for about 6 months. I was unsure due to wanting to make sure i had the ability to trust again after being in an abusive relationship years before. The first 2 years of our relationship he had 2 tours, 1 to afghan. He is loving and affectionate. Never had any issues in the intimacy department apart from the occasional confidence issue (me more than him).
He lived with me as soon as he could. Less than 6 months into our relationship he was commuting to camp every day if he could.
He came back different.
We had decided to make big plans for holidays etc and talked about mRriage in the future and his future career plans. His sleep patterns, irritability and anger occasionally showed face, but the main issue were the nightmares. Every morning, when he was home, he would say did you sleep well- I always said yes, but never brought the nightmares up. I could tell you about everything he went through in afghan, everything. He has relived a few episodes on more than 1 occassion. He never had problems with things I would plan, but he has always said he doesn't mind. And most of our holidays have been last minute because he can't decide.
Christmas he would always want to be with my family, but mainly me. When his mum asked to visit he let her but always told her weekends were 'our time' together.
He bought himself a motorbike when he came back. He has now had 4 accidents since he returned with it. Allot his fault, the latest being caused by a comrade who didn't see him. He has the CCTV footage and wanted me to watch it because it was so 'cool'.
We've not long returned from a £5k holiday. We had an amazing time. He really needed it as he has been HATING his job for about 18months now. Also in April I signed half of the house to him, it is his home as much as mine, I'd only had the house for 4 months before I met him. This was finalised 5 weeks ago, 2 weeks after his most recent accident.
He has been spending a bit more time on camp recently due to workload but also I've nearly lost my job twice this year.
He has always sent me messages and phoned me when he's not been with me, rang me on his way home after nights out drinking with the lads on camp. This has increased since he came back from afghan over 2 years ago. I've never stopped him doing anything he has ever wanted to do. He has had some of the lads stay over on weekends and has always said if he brings them over it's because they are what he classes as decent people and not just idiots of which he has said alot of the lads he meets are.
When these accidents happen he beats himself up about it, and the last one got to him and he thanked me for sticking with him because 'he must be wearing thin by now with all the s#%# that happens to him'. My reply was well you've always got ms, I'm notgoing anywhere. He brought his bike up back to our house from where it was being stored on the monday. All week he was texting I love you and wish I could come home but he couldn't drive due to the accident causing him quite bad damage and a potential operation on the horizon.
Gosh this is long. Sorry if it's confusing.
Anyway, Friday night we went to his friends house who was expecting their first child and we had a meal. His future career conversation came up- he wants to go special ops, and we all had a conversation about someone who had died during the training because of an accident. My comment was flippant but I NEVER said I didn't want him to do it but just that I wasn't as keen on him doing it. However he might not be able to now due to the damage this accident has caused, but I didn't mention that.( A few weeks before, he had sat me down and offered for me to do new training for a new career as mine is basically hell. He then said if you had a real reason, I would give up special ops for us. )
Friday night we drove home, chatted a bit. He told me if special ops didn't work out he would prob just go for promotion. It would not be what he wanted but it would be more money. (when we first met btw he told me a little White lie which I think was just to impress ms that he had money saved in the bank for the future, I never cared if he had a penny to his name but he has never come clean about this.)
Saturday I got up, went to work, kisses him goodbye. I got home and he told me the whole ' we need to talk'. He left 15 mins later crying saying he needed space and was so unhappy. I was gobsmacked. The day before he had called 3 times we had gone to friends for dinner. No sign. We had completed the house paperwork the week before. He had brought his bike up from near camp back home on the Monday.
I left him to it as I could see he was hurting as he was crying so much leaving. Few days later, I get a text message saying I'm not coming back, this has to be done. I need to be alone. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm sorry. I hope you will forgive me and we can be talking and friends again. This is just as hard for me as it is for you. When you are ready we will talk.
I stood my ground and told him he is not doing this by text message and I will see him in a few weeks face to face. 2 weeks later I asked him when we could meet and he has been Telling me he is working so will let me know. He hasn't. It's 4 weeks today. His things are still at the house. He has not asked to meet up and I'm not pushing it.
He has been telling lies to people, family and friends, and ignoring some people saying he is working all the time. He has said to his grandparents our last holiday was make or break(back in august) and that he had talked to me about being unhappy but nothing changed. He didnt talk to me at all apart from about how unhappy he was at work.
He is blocking people out massively, except a couple of people on camp who he had previously classed as 'idiots'. He is going out drinking alot with them, spending most evenings with them, yet never wanted to be around them before because of their infantile behaviour.
He ignores his sister and still hasn't called his mum, except for sending inappropriate jokes to her when she sends him a basic message.
His grandfather spoke with him Saturday and just came out with 'is something bothering you from
Afghan' he replied with well, it was at the beginning but I think I'm over that now. I'm stronger than people think I am. His grandfather didn't say anymore on it.
The whole family are concerned about him and keep saying that this out completely out of character. Apparent his work have seen a change in him according to what they said to his mum, but they cannot help if he doesn't ask.
He has not really contacted his 'friends' except an awkward and cold message once (even his friend who had their daughter this week he said 'best of luck' and 'congrats we should wet the baby's head by drinking'- that's the only contact he has had with him in a month).
His message to his mum when she asked him why he was doing this was that 'I love her with all my heart I'm just unhappy. It's nothing she has done, it's all in my head. There's nothing wrong with me'.
It just sounds like he is so lost in his own head. I'm trying to be strong for him, but I've just come out of hospital due to a miscarriage complications- I didn't even know. I haven't told him as I think it would be too much to cope with.
He won't talk about 'in his head stuff' as he is worried he would be kicked out and his career could
Never progress. Noone outside can talk to him about it because he doesn't reply when anyone asks him how he is.Previous relationships he has always ran to his family when they have ended. He has been having nightmares still to this day, flinches all the time, plays ALOT of computer war games, never has a good nights sleep, always thanks me for standing by him.
Sorry it's so long. Just had to get it all out. His family want him to see someone. He says there is no problem.
