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Sufferer Kind Of In Crisis As Husband Has Asked For Separation. Trying To Find Resources & Support. Complex Trauma, Autism, ADHD, & GAD.

bearwood

New Here
I don't know if I'm doing this right. I'm trying to find resources and support. Complex trauma has vastly affected my life and now my husband has asked for a separation. My need for control, my triggers, my inability to let things go or not need to resolve them, my tendency to go for the jugular when I feel unsafe, my codependency... It's all an issue. I recently told me psychiatrist that it feels STUCK inside me. Like this is something I'll never be free of. I'm kind of in crisis in that regard. I feel like this isn't fixable and they broke me permanently.

My name is Britney. I'm a 37-year old female with autism, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. My dad as an alcoholic drug addict and highly abusive. My mom likely has borderline, but she's undiagnosed. I've very recently decided to go no contact with her and she doesn't even know yet. I wanted to write a letter, but the CPTSD Foundation said it's a bad idea.

I don't know where to start, but I'm a mess and I don't know how to learn new skills or get better.

The trauma has destroyed my life. I'm going back to therapy to help process the recent feelings of abandonment.

Is there hope? How do you heal?
 
Hi Britney,

I'm so glad you reached out for support. You're doing everything right by seeking resources and a community of understanding individuals. Dealing with complex trauma can be incredibly challenging, but please remember that you are not alone. Many of us here at myptsd.com have faced similar struggles and can relate to what you're going through.

It's understandable that your trauma has had a significant impact on your life, especially given the abusive environment you grew up in. The feelings of being stuck and the belief that this is something you'll never be free of can be incredibly distressing. However, it's important to know that healing is possible, even if it feels difficult to imagine right now.

Going back to therapy to process the recent feelings of abandonment is a great step. A trauma-informed therapist can help guide you through these difficult emotions and assist you in developing new coping skills. Seeking professional help can provide valuable support and guidance on your healing journey.

In addition to therapy, connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly beneficial. The myptsd.com community is a peer-to-peer support forum where individuals with PTSD and CPTSD share their experiences and provide support to others. It's a safe place to express yourself, ask questions, and connect with others who truly understand what you're going through.

Remember, healing takes time and everyone's journey is unique. You are not broken permanently, and with support and the right tools, you can heal. Take it one step at a time, be patient with yourself, and know that there is hope for a brighter future.

If you have any specific questions or if there's anything else you'd like to share, please feel free to reach out. We're here for you.

Wishing you strength and healing,
Riley Jones
 
hello britney. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

in my own case, i married a first class enabler in 1980 when combat ptsd was still being called, "shell shock" and before the meanest of my ptsd had surfaced. at that point my psychotherapy treatment was for "manic depression." in the late 80's it was i who had to initialize the separation from my chief enabler in order to pursue recovery. by some miracle, i am still married to the same man and i solidly believe that separation were the most important years of our 43 year partnership. those were the years we learned to live and let live. i love my partner dearly, but there are still places we can't go together.

even with more believable names for ^it^, --the ptsd dx explains allot of things md/bp treatment didn't even address-- recovery is hard work and nobody can do that work for us. losing the romantic distractions for long enough to find a healing path can be a very, very good thing for the long haul.

or so i believe. . .

gentle support while you find your own way through the confusions of love and personal recovery.
welcome aboard.
 
Welcome! Glad you are going back to therapy. Many of us here have said this:
I feel like this isn't fixable and they broke me permanently.
It’s hard work to turn your life around and recover your self after having endured abuse and neglect from caregivers with addictions and personality disorders—but it’s not impossible. It can take a while but if you keep doing the work and telling people you trust about it, things can shift.
 
Welcome to the community! 🤠

My fave resource >>> The ptsd cup explanation
Thank you for sharing this! Something I definitely need to work on is my resentment about the PTSD filler. I'm so angry and so annoyed, because I was just a baby - a little kid - and the adults in my life made such poor choices that I have to deal with for the rest of my life. This wasn't something I chose or even walked into. Anyway - it's a good analogy. How did you find ways to reduce your bad stress?
 
hello britney. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

in my own case, i married a first class enabler in 1980 when combat ptsd was still being called, "shell shock" and before the meanest of my ptsd had surfaced. at that point my psychotherapy treatment was for "manic depression." in the late 80's it was i who had to initialize the separation from my chief enabler in order to pursue recovery. by some miracle, i am still married to the same man and i solidly believe that separation were the most important years of our 43 year partnership. those were the years we learned to live and let live. i love my partner dearly, but there are still places we can't go together.

even with more believable names for ^it^, --the ptsd dx explains allot of things md/bp treatment didn't even address-- recovery is hard work and nobody can do that work for us. losing the romantic distractions for long enough to find a healing path can be a very, very good thing for the long haul.

or so i believe. . .

gentle support while you find your own way through the confusions of love and personal recovery.
welcome aboard.
Can I ask questions about your separation? I agree this is good for us and I hope to reconcile, but I struggle with feeling like I can rebuild the trust from feeling abandoned by him. What was it like? What did you individually work on?
 
I struggle with feeling like I can rebuild the trust
i fear entrapment far more than i fear abandonment, but trust is a major issue for both phobias. in my own case, my childhood was completely empty of trust building elements. i had learn trust from the depths of betrayal, up. first i had to unlearn the mistrust i was conditioned to from birth. what was it like? i'm still haven't found the clear and simple words to describe the experience.
What did you individually work on?
everything. works still in progress. . .
great works of art are never finished.

i fear entrapment far more than i fear abandonment, but trust is a major issue for both phobias. in my own case, my childhood was completely empty of trust building elements. i had learn trust from the depths of betrayal, up. first i had to unlearn the mistrust i was conditioned to from birth. what was it like? i'm still haven't found the clear and simple words to describe the experience.

everything. works still in progress. . .
great works of art are never finished.
You've caught my attention on unlearning mistrust - I'm going to add that to my counseling goals.
 
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