Learned Helplessness Getting In The Way Of My Healing

[Heather]

Saw my therapist today and he asked me if I thought I would ever get better? I just stared at him. I honestly don't know. Part of me has hope. Part of me still feels like a piece of sh*t.

He says that unless we address the "learned helpless" behavior I will always remain stuck. It will forever hold me back. I felt like a mute puppy sitting there...wanting to scream at him but the words wouldn't come. Wanting to say "look! you are talking to someone who use to mutilate her face with a razor blade. So, yes! part of me has very little hope that anything WILL ever get any better (asshole)".

But then there's this other part that does see changes. I actually give a sh*t about myself and my life. I've totally re-done my apartment. IT IS CLEAN AND ORGANIZED! That is a huge accomplishment for me. I make the beds every morning. Again that is huge for me. Huge! I never used to care.

He also let me off the hook with the EMDR. Told the trauma therapist I wasn't going to do it anymore. That now was NOT the right time. I told him I didn't know if that was the right thing to do. I was scared about what it might bring up. I've missed a lot of appt.'s with her because of my health problems lately and scheduling issues. He said it served no purpose in forcing me to go.

AAAuuugghhh!! whose enabling the learned helplessness here?

I'm so confused.

 

[SimplyComplex]

I don't think you can blame your T for enabling you. He called you out on it. No one should force you into doing therapy you dont want...no one should even. What can you do to take control of your recovery?

 

[Heather]

I disagree. He should be pushing me and I've told him this. I need a push every now and then. How else am I going to get better?

In the past a little push has been effective and it's allowed me to face things that I haven't wanted to face. He was the one that said to me: no more avoiding. I'm asking him to help me do that and he's not.

I started talking about why it was hard for me to do the EMDR and he just let me off the hook by saying, "well, you're not ready". That's not what I needed. I needed him to hear me and talk it out with me! And that's not what I got at all.

 

[Innordinate]

Maybe he pushed you by letting you think he didn't.
Sounds like you're going to make the decission he wants you to make on your own instead of him making it for you.....

 

[intothelight]

Hi Heather,

I ran into a similar situation with my T. You might want to ask him why he doesn't think you are ready and what he would suggest you do to get ready.

Keep fighting!

Deb

 

[SimplyComplex]

My therapist never pushes me. Lord I would like her to. But my recovery isn't her job. That is my job. If I won't do what I need to do, then I won't get better.

I have read in several places that therapy done with pushing is ineffective. And look, even you say it helped but was short term. You might have faced some things, but you didn't learn to push yourself. His mistake might have been pushing you, not letting you off the hook. You have to take the steps on your own. Sometimes I can't say things, I write them and email them. Sometimes that is the best I can do.

If you don't show up for appointments, you aren't ready. It seems simple. These is the learned helplessness things he is talking about. Wanting him to do therapy for you. Wanting him to force you to go. Blaming him for you not getting to your appointments or making you do things you don't want. This is the learned helplessness. How can you take charge? How can you make yourself do the work?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think he might be trying to help you to learn to push yourself- you said you need a push- to get out of the learned helplessness.

I agree with ITL- to ask what you should do, and how can you accomplish it, and maybe ask him if you have any questions- if he thinks why or why not EMDR would or wouldn't be helpful at the moment?
He's on your side.
((((Heather))))

 

[Heather]

You might want to ask him why he doesn't think you are ready and what he would suggest you do to get ready.

Good question Deb. I did and he said working on the abortion. Learning to forgive myself for that. Building self-confidence and becoming stronger emotionally. Once I get further along then maybe I'll be able to handle EMDR.

Is that a cop out answer on his part? I don't know. Am I pushing myself to hard? I don't want to end up in the hospital by taking on to much. I don't want to be a non-functional mess like I was last summer and honestly that is my biggest fear. Right now I am functioning OKAY. My biggest fear though, is any more stress will seriously set me back and I won't be able to take care of Nicole or myself. My options for any additional support right now is very limited.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's a complete and straight-forward answer of what he thinks and what you need to do.

(((Heather)))

 

[OKRADLAK]

I am sad to say that I have no hope of recovery short of biological manipulation. I get very motivated in therapy and then it turns to sh*t. Then I have to fake, "Yes, I feel better!" And if I am honest then Iget blamed, "You are not trying hard enough"

THere seems to be a set time in which they (or your insurance co) wants you better, or at least improving. I never hit that and have learned what they want. So I have to pretend. It is not even conscious.

 

[Lionheart]

For me, I learned that any guilt or frustration about being wherever I happened to be on my road to recovery at any given time was the fastest way to slow down my progress. There is a process of learning to trust yourself to be ready when the time is right, and this comes naturally as you build confidence in yourself and unlearn the helplessness. That's the good news, you get to be in control of the pace of your recovery, do as much or as little as you need and this will come to be a more natural process for you, I think. Wishing you the best.

 

[shadowchaser]

What it sounds like to me is he is trying to tell you in a nice way that you need some more work first and second that you need to make certain decisions not him.