Sufferer Learning to Integrate, not Just Survive

[IntegrateMePlease]

Hey everyone,

I’m a Mental Health Nurse from Australia, working in forensic mental health. I’ve been in the field for about ten years, but only recently started turning the same compassion I’ve shown patients back toward myself. I was diagnosed with CPTSD and PTSD (at separate times for different reasons), ultimately the result of long-term childhood trauma (CPTSD) and multiple recurrent assaults (PTSD) within the facility where I work, and I’ve spent my entire life cycling between hyper-vigilance and collapse without really understanding why.

I’m at a stage where I’m tired of just managing symptoms. I want to integrate. I want to understand the younger parts of me that still panic, attach, and push people away in the same breath. I’ve been learning about Buddhism, practicing DBT skills, and using some personal systems to regulate and observe myself; small rituals that help me slow down before I spiral.

I’m here to connect with others walking a similar path. I'm hoping to find people who know what it’s like to rebuild a sense of safety from the ground up. I don’t need rescuing and I'm not looking for it, I'm just looking for understanding and honest conversation.

Outside of recovery, I’m into reading, hiking, and fitness. Nature has become a quiet teacher for me; it reminds me that healing isn’t linear, just cyclical.

Thanks for having me here. I’m looking forward to learning how to feel a bit more whole again.

Kind regards,
IntegrateMePlease

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum - sorry you have reason to be here, but glad you found us

I have DID, and personally the idea integrating makes my toes curl! But I can definitely relate to needing to step in before things spiral, and the amazing ways being in nature can help with that!

 

[Survivor3]

Hiya @IntergrateMePlease. I have a history of complex trauma, depression and anxiety. I also like reading, art and am studying Buddhism. I'm about to finish my first year as a mitre. Welcome aboard . S3.

 

[Friday]

Aloha!

 

[arfie]

hello integra. welcome to the forum.

u.s. veteran's day is next week. my foster daughter, 9, is badgering me to attend her elementary school's festivities to honor the veterans in their family. i am experiencing psychotic paralysis. the army quite literally saved me from the ravages of child sex trafficking and i started my active therapy at base clinics, but i still have not been able to integrate my military training and domestic life. the two aspects of myself still feel like natural enemies. combining the two feels a bit like mixing chlorine and ammonia. both powerful elements best stored in separate containers.

dunno if this has anything to do with your case, or not. i mostly wanted to welcome you aboard.