TheMinsterman
Gold Member
It's been a while since I posted, but I felt this was very important to post, for those going through all this as I was, to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, however dark it may be right now. I've not posted in a while because I've been working on myself, part of that was removing myself from PTSD as a topic, a constant reminder of what I'd lost, and really focusing on myself again, who I am, who I was losing by being so attached to being defined by somebody else.
I want you to know that if things do not pan out the way you want them to, don't despair forever, there is a life after loving a survivor if you want to make one. It's scary at first, it can be very hard to readjust too after so long in the trenches with your survivor, facing the horrors of the condition together, but you can adjust. You can pull yourself out of the mire of dedicating your existence to somebody else and moulding your life around their condition and believe me, it's an uplifting experience to once again find yourself, to break through the shell you built around yourself where you justified all the emotionally hurtful things you let go out of misguided love and to reengage with the person who became consumed in your partners condition.
It may not feel like it now, but there is happiness after loving a survivor and losing them.
You're not a failure because it didn't work out, whether it is your fault or theirs (it's highly likely to be a combination of you both in most cases like any relationship), you could never "save them" and you should never have placed that expectation on yourself, that is their responsibility ultimately. You're not worthless because they cannot or do not love you any more, you're not defined by their approval or affection no more than they are defined by your feelings towards them. You're not going to feel this rejection forever, I promise you that, it takes time, it takes a lot of self-reflection and a willingness to engage with living for yourself again, not somebody else, but you will start to wake out of this self-imposed hibernation and the pain will reduce day by day.
You just need to be brave enough to embrace the fact that you matter, how you feel matters, you're not defined by your sufferer nor is your value reflected in how they necessarily perceived it in the end.
Many of you have followed my journey, I loved and lost a woman I have known for over a decade, she changed almost overnight, it was a massive shock and a very long road for me to work through my pain. Some of you will be here from longer relationships, others shorter, but all of this applies to all of you, there is a life after them to be had, you just need to be brave enough to take that first step to claiming it for yourself. I still speak to my ex as I type, you may still speak to yours, they may disappear entirely, all of that is irrelevant though when you start focusing on yourself and embracing how important you really are, whatever their role in your life is after that is down to your personal circumstances, but they won't define you any longer.
Don't be afraid to be happy alone.
Don't be afraid to love after you've lose your sufferer, if that is what you choose to do.
Don't feel guilty that you couldn't save them and they couldn't see you for who you are.
It can be hard to let go, but allow yourself to, it will hurt, but it will be better for you in the long run. You are valuable, don't live a life where you don't value yourself and sell yourself short to chase the affections of partners who may not be in positions to reciprocate yours, it's very often not the fault of either of you.
I want you to know that if things do not pan out the way you want them to, don't despair forever, there is a life after loving a survivor if you want to make one. It's scary at first, it can be very hard to readjust too after so long in the trenches with your survivor, facing the horrors of the condition together, but you can adjust. You can pull yourself out of the mire of dedicating your existence to somebody else and moulding your life around their condition and believe me, it's an uplifting experience to once again find yourself, to break through the shell you built around yourself where you justified all the emotionally hurtful things you let go out of misguided love and to reengage with the person who became consumed in your partners condition.
It may not feel like it now, but there is happiness after loving a survivor and losing them.
You're not a failure because it didn't work out, whether it is your fault or theirs (it's highly likely to be a combination of you both in most cases like any relationship), you could never "save them" and you should never have placed that expectation on yourself, that is their responsibility ultimately. You're not worthless because they cannot or do not love you any more, you're not defined by their approval or affection no more than they are defined by your feelings towards them. You're not going to feel this rejection forever, I promise you that, it takes time, it takes a lot of self-reflection and a willingness to engage with living for yourself again, not somebody else, but you will start to wake out of this self-imposed hibernation and the pain will reduce day by day.
You just need to be brave enough to embrace the fact that you matter, how you feel matters, you're not defined by your sufferer nor is your value reflected in how they necessarily perceived it in the end.
Many of you have followed my journey, I loved and lost a woman I have known for over a decade, she changed almost overnight, it was a massive shock and a very long road for me to work through my pain. Some of you will be here from longer relationships, others shorter, but all of this applies to all of you, there is a life after them to be had, you just need to be brave enough to take that first step to claiming it for yourself. I still speak to my ex as I type, you may still speak to yours, they may disappear entirely, all of that is irrelevant though when you start focusing on yourself and embracing how important you really are, whatever their role in your life is after that is down to your personal circumstances, but they won't define you any longer.
Don't be afraid to be happy alone.
Don't be afraid to love after you've lose your sufferer, if that is what you choose to do.
Don't feel guilty that you couldn't save them and they couldn't see you for who you are.
It can be hard to let go, but allow yourself to, it will hurt, but it will be better for you in the long run. You are valuable, don't live a life where you don't value yourself and sell yourself short to chase the affections of partners who may not be in positions to reciprocate yours, it's very often not the fault of either of you.
