Sufferer Life Isn't Much Worth Living Anymore

[Becky gard]

Hi. I'm 41 years old and from Kansas. My name is Becky. I made good friends with a girl in high school and for whatever reason stopped talking to her after graduation ...she made choices that I didn't want involved with, so needless to say ten years went by and she was long forgotten.
Until jan 31 2003.
I'm typing on my phone and it's adgitating me so I'm going to just get to the point.
I hadn't seen her in 10 years.
I went to a bar to celebrate my 3rd year going to the hair show in Chicago...just bought airline tickets, Friday night it had to work the next day (sat) so planned to leave by midnight.
Walk in there is Shannon. She was rude, I was rude, and we bickered and named called.
11:30 pm decide to leave.
Go out side and Shannon is in her SUV with her husband and co worker (found some of this info out during trial)
Words exchanged.
Why is she even outside?
Why is she sitting in her vehicle and not Leaving?
I'm sick of being cAlled nAmes. I decide to throw a punch (her window is down) I tell her get out lets fight since you wanna go there.
She rolls up window. Now I'm really mad and kick her suv.
She throws it in reverse
And
Oh
My
God.
A ford expedition barreling at me so fast I don't have time to move.
Pain the pain is indescribable.
A wheel is heading towards me.
I see a watermelon being split open but I know it's some kinda mirage to tell me that's gonna be my head if I don't hold on.
I look up.
I see a iron bar.
No time to think.
I grab it.
I held on for 100ft

Begging
Please
Stop
Please
I'm sorry I hit you
Please dear god please stop.
Things are crunching, burning, snapping.
Black
I wake up
In the middle of the road
Can't breathe
It's like snap shots.
I remember yelling
I remember hearing hang on hang on
I wake up in ambulance my friend is yelling about my leg
I don't understand
Black

Wake up
A woman is holding me down.
I'm trying to flop off a bed
People EVERYWHERE
PAIN PAIN IN MY SIDES
OH MY GOD THEY ARE JAMMING TUBES into me

Black

My name is Becky in 2003 a girl named Shannon tried to murder me by running over me in her truck
I was in the hospital for several months
Broken ribs, pelvis, collarbone, foot, a hole torn outta my leg and knee I had multiple skin grafts vertebra were broke, I was nearly dead.
Life support
And never once did I see a therapist.

I was in a wheelchair for a year.
And today I have PTSD
And today I wish she would have done the job right.
I don't have any friends anymore.
I don't cope well with stress
I can't sleep unless I take my anxiety meds because I am terrorized.
And I've been to counselors they are idiots.
I forgot how to live and for a few years I've simply exsisted.

 

[Fadeaway]

Welcome to the forum. It is amazing you survived that. I can't begin to imagine what you went through. You found the right place for coping with the aftermath though. A therapist that specializes in trauma would very a very, very good idea.

Glad you found us.

 

[intothelight]

@Becky gard Welcome! :)

I hope you find this site and support helpful.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Welcome to the forum @Becky gard and sending :hug:s from the UK if you accept them.

You are extremely brave for disclosng as much of your trauma as you have on your introduction thread.

Having been a trauma medic you have my deepest understandings of the horror you suffered that day and I genuinely admire you for being so outspoken about it all.

Kindest regards

Laurie

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Welcome to the forum Becky. I'm so sorry for your suffering.

Warm Healing Wishes, Alice

 

[Born to Run]

This Shannon belongs in jail, it is a criminal. I hope she is. I hope you find the courage to see a good trauma therapist, they can help you. I know the feeling of wishing that people who tried to kill you rather had done the job till the end. For some reason though it is good we still live. I still find it hard to find that reason, but it will come.

 

[Becky gard]

This Shannon belongs in jail, it is a criminal. I hope she is. I hope you find the courage to see a...

She was. Charged with attempted murder in the 2nd degree and found not guilty.

 

[Fadeaway]

Becky, so glad you are back, missed you by a couple minutes in chat last night and wanted to say hello. Your story really moved me. The strength it would take to survive the injuries you did. It makes me angry that she was found not guilty after all you went through.

 

[Becky gard]

I had decided after I wrote that I wasn't gonna come back. But I saw I had replies in my email...and my curious nature decided see what people had to say.
I appreciate the kind words.
I don't understand how to use these kind of sites and don't know how I feel about it being so...impersonal. I wish we had support groups here besides just for military PTSD.
I feel like we are generalized and misunderstood and that's pretty pathetic since PTSD is the number one cause of suicide.

 

[Fadeaway]

Glad you did come back, and you are right, but this is the one place where you will find people who do get and support each other through it. I understand if it may seem impersonal at first, but the there are so many wonderful and caring people here.

 

[Becky gard]

Becky, so glad you are back, missed you by a couple minutes in chat last night and wanted to say hello....

Thank you. I'm just sitting here reading all the posts and crying like a baby. It's been a rough go for me...and I feel alone.
Often I say I feel like I'm standing in a room full of people screaming HELP ME and no one hears.
My poor mom doesn't know what to do.
I finally told her...I say mom...if the day comes I can't take it anymore...don't be sad for me...you MUST be happy...because FINALLY I have found peace. Until this mess...I said PTSD is a bullshit diagnosis....my oh my how very wrong I was. Until you have it I don't think it's possible to really understand the torment our lives encompass. Thank you again for your kind words.--Becky

 

[SoSadGuilty]

Hi. I'm 41 years old and from Kansas. My name is Becky. I made good friends with a girl in high schoo...

Wow you are a truly amazing person but have gone through that and still be fighting. I hope you are now getting some help with your ptsd. I hope that this forum will help you find meaning and joy in life again.