List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[amethist]

Brilliant Sandra, but hubby just choked on his coffee laughing when I read it to him. :oops: :roflmao:

 

[CraftyCath]

:roflmao: So funny Sandra!!!

 

[KP the nut]

Thanks people, just what I needed to help lift me out of the low

 

[Sandra]

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks ; "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says "Well, it's like this Sheriff.. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motorhome with her... so I did. We go inside, she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt...so I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now, go to town, cowboy... "
and here I am!

 

[Sandra]

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file. The woman was so curious that she respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" "My husband's." "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her too." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women. "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line."

 

[Sandra]

Sam and Bessie Goldberg are senior citizens, and, Sam always wanted an expensive pair of cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?" "What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday, and the same pants. What's different?"
Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again, he says, "Bessie, do you notice anything different about me?"
"What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and will be hanging down tomorrow."
Angrily, Sam yells, "DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN? Cause it's looking at my NEW BOOTS!"
Bessie replies, "You shoulda bought a hat!"

 

[Iam]

Love the jokes Sandra...THANKS!

 

[Sandra]

A lady just finishes scratching a lottery ticket.

Wife says to her husband, if I won would you leave me.
Husband says to his wife, of course I would.
Wife says to her husband, well I just won $3 so when do you pack?

 

[KP the nut]

 

[KP the nut]

 

[maddog]

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!"
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully - - "Thank God we can all still drive."

 

[KP the nut]

"Thank God we can all still drive."

V funny and scarey cos it's true