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List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd
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The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased . . .. . . .
And Dog was happy. . . . .
And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.... :rofl:
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased . . .. . . .
And Dog was happy. . . . .
And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.... :rofl:
3 Dogs
Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they strike up a conversation. The black Lab turns to the chocolate Lab and says, "So why are you here?" The Chocolate Lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off," comes the reply from the chocolate Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The black Lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?" The yellow Lab says, "I'm a digger I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquires. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too, the dejected yellow Lab says.
The yellow Lab then turns to the black Lab and asks, "Why are you here?" "I'm a humper," the black Lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes. I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away" The yellow and chocolate Labs exchange a sad glance and says, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"
The black Lab says ...."No, I'm here to get my nails clipped." :rolleyes:
Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they strike up a conversation. The black Lab turns to the chocolate Lab and says, "So why are you here?" The Chocolate Lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off," comes the reply from the chocolate Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The black Lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?" The yellow Lab says, "I'm a digger I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquires. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too, the dejected yellow Lab says.
The yellow Lab then turns to the black Lab and asks, "Why are you here?" "I'm a humper," the black Lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes. I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away" The yellow and chocolate Labs exchange a sad glance and says, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"
The black Lab says ...."No, I'm here to get my nails clipped." :rolleyes:
I thought one good pic deserves a few more :wink:
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A young Native American boy went to school for the first time off the reservation. On that day the teacher had every member of the class stand and tell the class their name and something about themselves. The first child stood up and said my name is Tommy and I like to play football. The next child stood up and said my name is Sarah and I like to play dress up with my friends. And so it went with each child in turn standing up and telling the class their name and such. When it came to the Native American boy he stood up and proudly announced his name, to which everyone in the classroom including the teacher burst into such laughter that the boy didn't even bother to continue telling anything else he just sat down in embarrassment.
That night when the boy went home he asked his grandfather. "Grandfather, why do Indians have such funny names?" to that grandfather replied, "Well that is because we name our children after the first thing we see when we come out of the tent. Like your brother Running Bear, and your sister Spotted Doe." Grandfather looked at the boy curiously and asked "Why do you ask Two Dogs ****ing?"
That night when the boy went home he asked his grandfather. "Grandfather, why do Indians have such funny names?" to that grandfather replied, "Well that is because we name our children after the first thing we see when we come out of the tent. Like your brother Running Bear, and your sister Spotted Doe." Grandfather looked at the boy curiously and asked "Why do you ask Two Dogs ****ing?"
A woman went out to a yard sale one day, and found a beautiful lamp. She just had to have it, and it was only $2... she couldn't believe her luck!!!
She rushed home with her new gem, and eagerly began to polish the lamp to bring out its lustre. Much to her amazement, a genie popped out of the lamp, and tells her, "I can only grant you a single wish, so choose carefully what you wish for".
The thunderstruck woman paused only a moment, and said to the genie, "I wish that my cat here were a handsome prince, someone to love and cherish me all the rest of my days".
The genie announced, "Done!!" and instantly vanished into thin air.
The woman looked across at where her cat had been sitting, and true to the genie's word, there sat a strong, handsome prince, all of her own.
The prince walked over to her, and said to the woman, "What would you like me to do for you, my love?.
The woman lept into her handsome prince's arms, nuzzling up to his chest and whispered, "I want you to make sweet, sweet love to me for the whole day, and then again, all night long!!!"
The prince didn't say anything, and the woman opened her eyes to look at him, only to find him looking at her with eyebrow cocked and a quizzical look on his face.
The woman asked her sweet prince, "What's the matter my love"? to which the prince replied,
"I bet you wish you hadn't gotten my nuetered last week now, don'tcha?!?"
She rushed home with her new gem, and eagerly began to polish the lamp to bring out its lustre. Much to her amazement, a genie popped out of the lamp, and tells her, "I can only grant you a single wish, so choose carefully what you wish for".
The thunderstruck woman paused only a moment, and said to the genie, "I wish that my cat here were a handsome prince, someone to love and cherish me all the rest of my days".
The genie announced, "Done!!" and instantly vanished into thin air.
The woman looked across at where her cat had been sitting, and true to the genie's word, there sat a strong, handsome prince, all of her own.
The prince walked over to her, and said to the woman, "What would you like me to do for you, my love?.
The woman lept into her handsome prince's arms, nuzzling up to his chest and whispered, "I want you to make sweet, sweet love to me for the whole day, and then again, all night long!!!"
The prince didn't say anything, and the woman opened her eyes to look at him, only to find him looking at her with eyebrow cocked and a quizzical look on his face.
The woman asked her sweet prince, "What's the matter my love"? to which the prince replied,
"I bet you wish you hadn't gotten my nuetered last week now, don'tcha?!?"
Popeye,
That first story killed me ;D and the second one is kinda sweet... kids eh, so innocently funny. My God daughter is turning 5 next month, and she is a genuine clown... confindent as all get out, too!!
Oh yeah, and please do share any more that come to you, I'd enjoy them for sure.
That first story killed me ;D and the second one is kinda sweet... kids eh, so innocently funny. My God daughter is turning 5 next month, and she is a genuine clown... confindent as all get out, too!!
Oh yeah, and please do share any more that come to you, I'd enjoy them for sure.
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