List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[Loloma]

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.
A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...
"Shit" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

 

[Loloma]

From A Mother With Love


Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.
Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
Love Mom.

 

[Sandra]

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Redneck mailbox

 

[Sandra]

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from
The hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said,'What a beautiful baby.'The mother said, 'Why,Thank you, Johnnie. Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet,beautiful little hands,a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?'

'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision.'

'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be screwed if he needed glasses.

 

[Loloma]

An old Australian battler lies dying in his bed. He calls over Shirley, his faithful wife of 60 years, and says, "Shirl, when we started out, tried to buy a business in the depression, went bust: you were with me"
"Oh, yes, Bruce", she says.
Then the war started, I joined up, and was sent to the front line, where I lost me legs. You stayed with me."
"Oh yes, Bruce" she says.
"Then, came home, couldn't get a job, due to me disability, and bought a farm."
"Oh, yes, Bruce", she says.
"The farm flooded, then just when we got over that, there was a bushfire, and then the drought, which wiped us right out: you still stayed with me."
"Oh yes, Bruce,"
"Now here I am, in excruiating pain, about to die, useless and you're still with me."
"Yes Bruce."
"Shirl."
"Yes, Bruce?"
"You're bloody bad luck"

 

[Loloma]

Joke about Australian love of beer


After their boat sinks, two aussies are left floating around in their lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. All of a sudden one of them spots a funny looking bottle bobbing in the water and pulls it out. He sees something written on the bottle but can't quite read it so he gives it a bit of a rub.
SHAZAM.....out pops a genie!
"For releasing me from the bottle I will grant you one wish."
The guy glances at his mate, smiles and without further hesitation says, "I wish the whole ocean was beer!"
The genie claps his hands together and BOOM, there's a blinding light and the genie is gone. The guy quickly leans over the side of the boat and takes a big swig of "water".
"You're not gonna believe this mate, but it's really beer!"
His mate screws up his face and says "That's just bloody brilliant mate! Now we’are going to have to piss in the boat!!”

 

[Loloma]

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

 

[Sandra]

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Boy would I love to do this to my abusers.

 

[Sandra]

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[Sandra]

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[Sandra]

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[Sandra]

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