Supporter Living With Ptsd (ex) Girlfriend

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :)

 

[anonymous]

I am a sufferer and have been codependent before so understand some of your experiences and understand a lot of hers too. Sometimes coming across situations shows up our own vulerablities and forces us to look at people, relationships and life differently in a way that usual life experiences don't. It sounds like this happened for you. I also wanted to say that PTSD does have common symptoms and that people have unique personalities and experiences too and these affect how the condition looks and everything else.

Two things I will mention from a sufferer perspective. One is that for a lot of us with sexual trauma, eating disorders are way more complicated and connected than they may appear and they are common. It may seem to be about how one looks but it isn't.. I wish I could say more but it's too triggering for me. What I will say is that it is a battle with ones body and with the ability to self nurture. For me it has zero to do with image or narcissism.

The second is about intimacy. For me personally it is way more difficult to be intimate (talking about emotional) with someone that I care a lot about and that is in my life longer term. When my trauma symptoms are up it is excruciating. On a deep instinctual level intimacy is mixed with/attached to danger for me. This is one of the things that causes me the most pain in my life. Especially as someone who cares a great deal about others and is highly empathic. I harm those I care about and am stopped from getting the closeness I would love. Not saying this is the case with her but it is with me.

Well done for realising you can't save her. Only she can do that. As you care but allow her to be free and rather save you then things should start feeling better.

If you look back at the information she sent you about PTSD in the past does it make more sense now?

 

[GrapplingGrief]

I am a sufferer and have been codependent before so understand some of your experiences and understand...

Thanks for your reply. I think eating disorders (which she doesn't suffer from anymore and wasn't when we were together), in her case at least, had a lot to do with control, and perhaps gaining back control of her body. It is the same way with her fitness goals. Again, control.
She only sent me a couple resources and they weren't very informative I'm afraid. I don't think I would've "got it" from them ever. I really needed her to be able to communicate with me better. If she was able to be like, "Okay honey, I know we haven't talked about the abuses I've been through but I'm having flashbacks and triggers, and I need some time to myself," I could've understood. But it was silence, fearful eyes, and just a general sense of her being unhappy, which made me think she was unhappy with me and our lives. I love her though. She never demanded anything. In fact, she had no idea how to respond to my treating her well. I took this as her being unappreciative in the moment but I know now it was just her being frozen or numb 'cause of other PTSD stuff going on. then she got caught in a bad cycle. And she's still in it, well, she is still isolating from me but acting regular with everyone else, which completely sucks but is apparently par for the PTSD course.