Loneliness

[stuff]

I was thinking a lot about the loneliness I feel. I definitely feel loneliness from a lack of physical contact with people, but I do have a lot of friends, but somehow surrounded by all these friends, the loneliness that's worse is the loneliness of knowing that other people will never understand. Not being understood is the loneliest thing I ever feel.

 

[Leigh925]

Not being understood has made me feel totally invisible. Therapy is helping me feel "seen" for the first time. Although it has been scary. Being invisible has its perks when you are scared of being hurt. I am surrounded by people all of the time. I have people who would consider me their close friends...yet often I walk around with a gaping hole, void or emptiness that is indescribable. I did just start to realize though that it is not because I don't have people who care about me but more so because I have been numb for so long and I won't feel people's care for me because of my abandonment issues and general lack of trust. I have been protecting myself from being hurt by staying disconnected but walk around with the void instead. I am slowly repairing it but it has been difficult and not without a lot of anxiety but I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. Hope it gets better for you!

 

[Seasounds]

I really relate to the feeling of loneliness; it helps me to speak to people on this forum, who do understand. I was just thinking about this today. Sometimes I also find sympathetic people in Alanon.

I use to feel so hurt and afraid, that I wouldn't ever share anything, with anyone. Talk about being isolated! I'm an introvert, to boot! Finding ways to share, small bits of myself, seems to be useful. It takes some courage, and some resiliency, to deal with the rejections.

As i can't count on others to reach out to me, nor to understand my world, I work to bring myself into relationship with others, (to help me feel less lonely) by initiating conversations; I will find things, however small, that I have in common with others. (Believe me, I don't like small talk, but it is an entry way into finding friends.)

I'm glad you posted. On this Saturday night, lying in bed sick, if feel someone relates to my world, too. Thanks!

 

[greenleaf]

Loneliness is really really common with ptsd; a lot of the posts and articles elsewhere talk about related stuff as "isolation". If you search for isolation here on the forum, for instance, you can find zillions of posts and also lots of good suggestions and insights. Terrible that so many, possibly millions, of folks with ptsd (and other issues) are all out here feeling isolated, when there are so many of us and we are all together in a way.

(I'm also having trouble with isolation feelings even while with pretty good friends, as part of me has trouble feeling safe. My memory of how isolated I felt as a kid is so intense it's difficult to tolerate. I do have a good trauma therapist now, @Leigh925, and a good physical therapist, who are actually helping me feel "seen" -- it's amazing.)

 

[KwanYingirl]

Loneliness is a state I've had my whole life. I just can't make friends and don't feel worthy of affection. I isolate daily. My dog is my best friend.

When I was working in the medical field I had a lot of friends but they have all abandoned me since my chemical exposure.

I wouldn't socialize with them at bars I preferred to stay home and drink. If I did agree to go out I needed a few beers in me to ease the anxiety of a social event.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I used to have fits over the fact that nobody could or would ever understand me. Crying, screaming, hopeless despair. Yeah, it was pretty bad. My dad would tell me over and over and over again that nobody would EVER be able to understand me and that I had to accept this fact. It sounds mean, but he meant well, and yeah, he was right. Nobody is ever going to be able to understand me completely, and most people will only understand a little, if any at all.

I was finally able to accept that nobody would be able to truly understand me. It was very freeing to not be fighting for something that I could never have. I am not Buddhist, but I have read some of the teachings. One is learning to be happy with what you have instead of always wanting more. In a way, I think this fits. I have accepted that I won't get that sense of understanding, and I am ok with that. Instead I am striving for love and acceptance. I am able to get love and acceptance, without true understanding. I have found that I truly want the acceptance, not the understanding anymore. I am not accepted by many, rather just a few, and that is enough for me.

 

[vtap]

I was feeling lonely for a long period actually. Trauma has crushed my ability to have a relationship and living as a single male is tough. I then joined meetup website to socialize with like minded people. This has helped. I have also made myself more career focused and this has helped also as I've kept myself busy.