I quit my job a year and a half ago in a violent PTSD induced psychotic break which led to a year of legal problems that have since been resolved.
I am still not working and am probably at least a year or more away from working again, if I ever do. I can't use my last job as a reference which leaves big hole in my resume.
I miss some of my former co-workers who I thought of as friends. They have been instructed to not communicate with me, as I was charged with uttering threats when I quit. I thought I was sticking up for myself at the time, now I see I was an abusive lunatic.
My days/weeks/months are so lonely, I isolate almost completely. I don't feel comfortable going outside, and have no friends or family left. They don't understand my rage and outbursts, and neither do I.
My Dad died earlier this month and I didn't receive one call, card, email or text. I feel not alive.
I recently switched from Seroquel to Risperidone. My weight is very slowly going down, which is good. My anger is more under control, also good.
But I feel like I'm in a fog all day for so long, with no motivation, energy or interest in doing anything besides sit on the couch watching TV.
I've slowed down the drinking which means more sober time being bored and alone.
The constant suicidal ideation and attempts have gone away for now.
I feel I'm finally out of crises mode, but get very upset with myself for all the shit I caused myself and others so every hour is filled with a lot of shame, guilt and regret.
I started volunteering a year ago on a peer support line for mood disorders, first doing so just to have something positive to put on my resume, but I actually like it and it may turn into a paid part time job.
I'm also trying a mindfulness class but it's not for me, I don't have anything in common with mildly depressed/stressed privileged people with no real life challenges or traumas.
I don't feel I relate to anyone and don't think I have anything to offer. I live in poverty, have limited use of one hand because I cut too deep, and have scars on both wrists. I'm very overweight and socially awkward.
I've resigned myself to living alone and if I am able to work, likely they'll be just minimum wage jobs until I retire in 15 years, alone and poor. I have no pension or savings.
I try to pick myself up by writing all the things I should be grateful for. Sometimes that works for a few minutes, other days it just makes things worse.
Is anyone else all alone?
I am still not working and am probably at least a year or more away from working again, if I ever do. I can't use my last job as a reference which leaves big hole in my resume.
I miss some of my former co-workers who I thought of as friends. They have been instructed to not communicate with me, as I was charged with uttering threats when I quit. I thought I was sticking up for myself at the time, now I see I was an abusive lunatic.
My days/weeks/months are so lonely, I isolate almost completely. I don't feel comfortable going outside, and have no friends or family left. They don't understand my rage and outbursts, and neither do I.
My Dad died earlier this month and I didn't receive one call, card, email or text. I feel not alive.
I recently switched from Seroquel to Risperidone. My weight is very slowly going down, which is good. My anger is more under control, also good.
But I feel like I'm in a fog all day for so long, with no motivation, energy or interest in doing anything besides sit on the couch watching TV.
I've slowed down the drinking which means more sober time being bored and alone.
The constant suicidal ideation and attempts have gone away for now.
I feel I'm finally out of crises mode, but get very upset with myself for all the shit I caused myself and others so every hour is filled with a lot of shame, guilt and regret.
I started volunteering a year ago on a peer support line for mood disorders, first doing so just to have something positive to put on my resume, but I actually like it and it may turn into a paid part time job.
I'm also trying a mindfulness class but it's not for me, I don't have anything in common with mildly depressed/stressed privileged people with no real life challenges or traumas.
I don't feel I relate to anyone and don't think I have anything to offer. I live in poverty, have limited use of one hand because I cut too deep, and have scars on both wrists. I'm very overweight and socially awkward.
I've resigned myself to living alone and if I am able to work, likely they'll be just minimum wage jobs until I retire in 15 years, alone and poor. I have no pension or savings.
I try to pick myself up by writing all the things I should be grateful for. Sometimes that works for a few minutes, other days it just makes things worse.
Is anyone else all alone?
