Supporter Looking For Information And To Understand

[DetachedDreamer]

Hello. I'm in a relationship with someone who has PTSD. We've been together for almost a year and a half now. He directed me to this site recently so that we may both educate ourselves and find support together. He's recently decided to start addressing his PTSD more seriously, and so we've both joined this forum to learn and grow.

Being as I'm young and understandably inexperienced, I realize that I have a lot to learn about being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD. I try to be as understanding as I can be, but at times I think I can become selfish and I find myself shutting down. Recently he's been triggered and I shut down my empathy completely. I felt like his problems were infringing on my own, when he knew that I was also going through a hard time in my life.

We have begun to work through it, and I've opened myself up again. But I don't ever want him to feel like I'm blaming him for being triggered. I don't want him to feel bad for being human and being hurt. I want to support him always, and I hate myself for what I've said to him. I made him think he was losing me because I started having doubts about whether or not he would get better. But he has made so much progress and I'm so proud of him.

Anyway, thanks for reading this. Not much of an intro I'm afraid.

 

[safenow]

Not much of an intro I'm afraid.

I think you did just fine. You stated the situation, and what your goals are. It takes a lot of courage to speak up on this subject. So pat yourself on the back.

Don't feel guilt over shutting down for a time. That's good response actually. You were protecting yourself. You set boundaries for yourself, and that's a healthy thing.

He stepped up to the plate and is working on getting help. Good for him. A great step in the right direction.

Don't forget to watch your breathing. And you can help each other in this. When we start to get anxious, we tend to hold our breath. Which you need to do the opposite. You need to really concentrate on the breathing. Slow, deep breathes, hold a couple of seconds, then release all the air, slowly and deeply. Do that several times (not fast or you're hyperventilate), and you will find it calms you. Both of you need that.

So, if you see his head going down and hear his voice start to elevate, take some deep breathes yourself, and remind him to do the same. then you'll stand a chance of being rational when you talk to each other. It doesn't always work, but most times it does.

Welcome to the forum. It's nice to meet you. Look around. There is a lot of good information here for both supporters and sufferers. If you have questions, feel free to ask. You'll get lots of support here. Great people.

safenow

 

[MagiLisu]

Welcome to the forum, I have only been here for a couple of days and already I feel so much better about my situation but at the same time have realized I still have a long way to go.

I have a lot of admiration for supporters. I try and let my supporters know how much I appreciate them being here for me. They quite often get forgotten about by other people as everyone worries about the sufferer. I wish you and your partner well.

 

[ms spock]

Hello Detached Dreamer,

Welcome to the Forum!

There are some great people on this forum, I hope you find the ones for you.

 

[intothelight]

Hi DetachedDreamer,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

There is an entire section for supporters and a place for you to find support. By increasing your understanding, taking care of yourself, and maintaining healthy boundaries, you can have a good relationship. Be proud of yourselves for taking the steps necessary to grow as individuals and as a couple.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.