Sufferer Looking for Others Who Have Experienced Long-Term Betrayal & Scapegoating

[deno]

I’m new here and trying to connect with people who understand the effects of long-term emotional abuse, family betrayal, and scapegoating. I suspect that what I’ve been through falls more under CPTSD rather than PTSD, but I’m hoping that this still relates.

For most of my life, I was made into the scapegoat—first in my family, then in relationships. My sister, my ex-wife, and even an old romantic relationship all followed the same pattern: shifting blame onto me, rewriting history, and making sure others saw me as “the problem.” I now recognize the signs—gaslighting, projection, flying monkeys, smear campaigns, and constant emotional sabotage.

The hardest part hasn’t just been the damage they did—it’s the loneliness that comes with it. Most people don’t understand how deep this kind of betrayal cuts. When I’ve tried to explain, I’ve been met with disbelief, avoidance, or people acting like I’m just making excuses. Even my wife, who supports me, struggles to fully grasp what this has done to me.

I know I’m not the only one who has been through this, but finding people who truly get it has been difficult. If you’ve dealt with CPTSD from emotional abuse, scapegoating, or being manipulated by narcissistic or borderline family members, I’d really like to hear from you.

How do you cope with the loneliness? Have you found ways to heal from the damage? And how do you deal with the feeling of never being truly understood?

Thanks for reading—I appreciate any insights from those who’ve been down this road.

 

[Riley Jones]

I’m new here and trying to connect with people who understand the effects of long-term emotional abuse, family betrayal, and scapegoating. I suspect that what I’ve been through falls more under CPTSD rather than PTSD, but I’m hoping that this still relates.

For most of my life, I was made into the scapegoat—first in my family, then in relationships. My sister, my ex-wife, and even an old romantic relationship all followed the same pattern: shifting blame onto me, rewriting history, and making sure others saw me as “the problem.” I now recognize the signs—gaslighting, projection, flying monkeys, smear campaigns, and constant emotional sabotage.

The hardest part hasn’t just been the damage they did—it’s the loneliness that comes with it. Most people don’t understand how deep this kind of betrayal cuts. When I’ve tried to explain, I’ve been met with disbelief, avoidance, or people acting like I’m just making excuses. Even my wife, who supports me, struggles to fully grasp what this has done to me.

I know I’m not the only one who has been through this, but finding people who truly get it has been difficult. If you’ve dealt with CPTSD from emotional abuse, scapegoating, or being manipulated by narcissistic or borderline family members, I’d really like to hear from you.

How do you cope with the loneliness? Have you found ways to heal from the damage? And how do you deal with the feeling of never being truly understood?

Thanks for reading—I appreciate any insights from those who’ve been down this road.

Welcome to the community, and thank you for opening up about your experiences. It takes immense courage to share such personal and painful parts of your life. Here, you're among people who understand the complexities of emotional abuse, scapegoating, and the lingering effects those experiences can have on one's mental health and sense of self.

What you’re describing does indeed relate to the experiences of many who live with CPTSD. It's not just the events themselves, but the ongoing emotional isolation and misunderstanding from others that can deepen the wounds. Being scapegoated, gaslit, and emotionally sabotaged by those you should have been able to trust is incredibly painful, and it's understandable that you feel a sense of loneliness in your journey.

Coping with this loneliness often starts with finding empathetic and supportive communities, like this one, where you can share your story and connect with others who have been through similar situations. Some members find it helpful to read or participate in threads specifically focused on CPTSD and how it intertwines with emotional and familial abuse.

Healing is a deeply personal process, but many find solace in therapy, whether individual or group sessions, where the environment is validating and safe. Talking to a professional can offer tools to rebuild your sense of trust, agency, and identity outside of those harmful narratives imposed upon you.

As for dealing with the feeling of being misunderstood, it may help to connect with those who have similar experiences and can validate your feelings without judgment. Sharing your story within our forums not only helps you feel less isolated but also reminds others that they're not alone in their struggles.

Please remember that while peer support is valuable, seeking guidance from a trauma-informed therapist can be an important step. It's crucial to find someone who truly understands the intricacies of CPTSD and can offer support tailored to your experiences.

Again, welcome. Your story is important and valued here. Thank you for trusting this community with your experiences.

 

[wisteria]

I am still in denial, struggling to make sense of my experience with what you mentioned. I still even struggle to call what I experienced abuse so it's hard for me to even respond to your post. If my mother is a narcissist, she's a covert one, very insidious. So insidious, as I said, I struggle to recognize it. My ex was an a$$Hole. And yet, had he not turned physically abusive, I might not have ever recognized the emotional abuse. That's how 'normal' emotional abuse was to me. What's slowly helping me is noticing the similarities between him and my mom. Although the gaslighting is obvious, nothing else was. But the movie Gas Light- particularly the 1944 version- boy can I relate to that. That is the story of my relationship with him. Have you seen it?

Anyway, gosh, I struggle so much with making excuses, especially with my mother. That has kept me trapped in this denial for so long. That and all the invalidation from well meaning people like friends, who say "but she's your mom!" and "but she was hurt too." It's so hard to fricken explain that I end up doubting myself.

What has helped is validation, which has been so hard to find. There's two groups that I have been lucky to find that have helped SO MUCH. One is a tiny Facebook group and another is the STAR Network. I have barely scratched the surface of my denial but I don't think I could have without them.

 

[deno]

I really feel your post. The struggle to even name what happened is real, especially when the abuse is covert and emotional, not visible or violent. I remember thinking for a long time, 'Maybe it’s not abuse. Maybe I’m just too sensitive.' But the truth is, covert narcissism works because it’s hard to see. It's confusion disguised as love. It’s silence that screams.

I once said, 'If my family didn’t mean to hurt me, maybe I should just forgive and move on.' But I finally realized—intent doesn’t erase impact. And I spent decades trying to earn kindness from people who only gave me power plays.

What you wrote about your mom and your ex being similar—that was my moment, too. The pattern was there, but I couldn’t see it until I stepped outside the cycle.

Validation is rare and initially difficult to trust. But I want you to hear this clearly: You’re not crazy. You’re not too much. And you’re not alone. Your story matters—even if others can’t see it yet. You’re not scratching the surface anymore—you’re breaking through it.

 

[Ronnierose]

I'm brand new to this forum but already can 100% relate to deno. My new therapist recommended I read, "Adult Child of Emotionally Immature Parents", and "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma". The first book describes my mom and husband perfectly, while the second describes my life story from childhood until now (I'm 60). They validated, for the first time in decades, my feelings of loneliness, betrayal, rejection, and abandonment I've experienced my entire life. My husband has just carried on what my mom has done. I was also the scapegoat of 5 daughters, with one of my sisters being the favorite. My sisters rallied behind my mom, and to this day, I don't have a relationship with them. The books made me feel like I never had a chance at having a life without constant struggles. My therapist warned me to take the second book a little at a time, since it's pretty intense. She wasn't kidding! Thank you all for sharing and letting me know there are more "Ronnie's" out there!

 

[shimmerz]

I have been surrounded all of my life. I am a person who lives by high morals and values - which of course, the narcissists and their worshippers don't have so much of.

Decades ago when I was pregnant with my first son I was called crazy for the first time by my husbands family. I was 19 years old and I was told I was going to be a horrible mother because I wasn't taking their rule seriously. What was their rule you ask? That every pregnant woman kills any pet cats they may happen to have because the cat will smother the baby. No giving the cat away btw - because that is cruel. No. You had to have the cat euthenized.

Sick and twisted shit.

When my son's wives got pregnant they were all told as well that they needed to follow the same rule. I said to my sons when they called me to ask if I would take their cats, "because there are SO MANY news articles out there about these killer cats."

I took in the cats and kept them until they were safe in their own families again. All of them fell for it. None of them fought back. Their choice.

Me? I am happy I am not a mindless dweeb who mindlessly follows these twisted rules. Nothing I can do to change any of them besides challenge this stuff - but what do I know - I am crazy, right?

So what are some of the rules that you aren't following to make you their target, do you know?

Stay strong my friend. Don't let these people dictate your worth. Go out and find people who don't rely on cult leaders to see their worth. You are obviously strong. Well done. These people need their cult followers in order to feel their sense of worth. Keep up the good work of not being involved.

 

[Susan Jane]

I remember thinking for a long time, 'Maybe it’s not abuse. Maybe I’m just too sensitive.'

Hey Deno, I so relate to this, and I have a habit of thinking this too. My newest was at work, where my boss is a narcissist, and at first I liked it, it felt like home, a father figure and his approval and validation of my hard work made me feel better. This didn't last long, and the abuse/fight back started again. Then I realized I was just in a web again, one I am so comfortable with, and I fought back, narcissists love me, and I still sometimes play into their hands. You are correct it is abuse, I tried to work it out with him, no luck. When I explained that I thought he was arrogant, he said he is arrogant. Typical of this personality, admitting it, and that is all. I got out, I am not working at the moment, but man was it a hard lesson and still is, I am pulling myself out of the trigger and wow is it work. I pray I have finally learned my lesson, because this is the essence of my trauma, fighting it in the old way. I still feel proud that I caught it, too late to stop myself from the fall, but I am out of that web, for now :-) Susan

I know I’m not the only one who has been through this, but finding people who truly get it has been difficult. If you’ve dealt with CPTSD from emotional abuse, scapegoating, or being manipulated by narcissistic or borderline family members, I’d really like to hear from you.

I truly get it and show my solidarity.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

My entire life has been like that. Now I won’t associate with people who do that and I am doing much better.