Sufferer Looking for Others Who Have Experienced Long-Term Betrayal & Scapegoating

[Torch]

The hardest part hasn’t just been the damage they did—it’s the loneliness that comes with it. Most people don’t understand how deep this kind of betrayal cuts. When I’ve tried to explain, I’ve been met with disbelief, avoidance, or people acting like I’m just making excuses. Even my wife, who supports me, struggles to fully grasp what this has done to me.

When it comes to people acting like I'm making excuses for needing rest and 'mental health time', I make a point to treat the day as a house-cleaning day. This way, I can tell others that I'm cleaning house and doing chores- which is true! I get a lot of housework done on these days! I also make a point to split up the day with intermissions of watching tv, playing video games, napping, reading, what can be considered as escapist or numbing behaviors. Overall- the message of self-care comes through for me. Cleaning my habitat is self-care, and making sure I have enough time to rest and recuperate is self-care as well. Ideally, by spitting the day into these two camps, I don't overindulge in one or the other to a point where it's causing dysfunction. Not to say I'm perfect and this never happens, but you get the idea.

How do you cope with the loneliness? Have you found ways to heal from the damage? And how do you deal with the feeling of never being truly understood?

Thanks for reading—I appreciate any insights from those who’ve been down this road.

Radical acceptance - which I admit does not work all the time for me. I still get upset about the injustices about what happened to me, the seemingly perpetual state of imbalance the situation has brought to my past and my life. I'm not sure I will never be able to judge the situation without the biases I bring to it, especially when I got the metaphorical 'short end of the stick' (short end of the stick that is, for the last 10-13 years or so). I do believe this is called 'being human'.

But when it comes to coping with the loneliness, the damage, the fallout, the aftermath, radical acceptance is what has helped me the most. I can't change the past and no one else can either. I feel the loneliness, the physical pain, the mental pain, the loss, the grief, the anguish. I feel it all when I can and I make sure to savor it. Because like health, I know emotions can be taken from me too.

Sometimes, people just don't belong. Even with those who used demonstrate trust and care. Unfortunately, as humans everyone must 'belong' to some extent and in some shape or form. This tension might last until death for me, and it might last until death for you as well. I am still searching and might die that way. Is it something you can learn to sit with and go on living with?
There may not be a 'good' choice available, but deciding to live, even when the faced with of a future of certain loneliness, is still a choice.