Lost my job

[willhealeventually]

I’m in my early 50s going through a divorce with two kids.
Today, I learned that I lost my job.
After everything that has happened to me, I feel like I’m not going to recover from this job loss. I have no strength left to keep going and to keep trying - the world confirms that no matter how hard I try, I will fail.
I used to be very successful. But I managed to ruin everything.
I feel like I have no idea where to even start rebuilding my life.
I am in partial hospitalization program, which has been helpful - until I learned I have no job to return to.
I feel hopeless

 

[Friday]

I used to be very successful. But I managed to ruin everything.

I’ve done that a few times, now.

It doesn’t get easier with repetition, if anything it gets harder, but the upside is knowing it can be done. Even if in the moment I have no idea how the f*ck to do it.

One thing I’ve learned? If I can’t see the point? It doesn’t mean there isn’t one. Just that I cannot see it.

Now isn’t forever. Not knowing WTF I’m gonna do, or how... not seeing the point... just because I don’t know right now, can’t see right now, doesn’t mean I’ll never know. Even when it feels that way. Now isn’t forever.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I’m in my early 50s going through a divorce with two kids.
Today, I learned that I lost my job.
After everything that has happened to me, I feel like I’m not going to recover from this job loss. I have no strength left to keep going and to keep trying - the world confirms that no matter how hard I try, I will fail.
I used to be very successful. But I managed to ruin everything.
I feel like I have no idea where to even start rebuilding my life.
I am in partial hospitalization program, which has been helpful - until I learned I have no job to return to.
I feel hopeless

I know that hopeless feeling. I went thru a divorce, narcissistic family distancing, loads of derealization, emotional mess, anger w no one to yell at, emotionally triggered seizures, driving restrictions and a narcissistic bully for a boss. Getting out of awful marriage and my job was a blessing in disguise. Now two years later, I’m starting to use the word happy- and smiling. I have a long way to go- but the sun will shine- when you’re ready. You have kids to keep the hope for a happier tomorrow.

For now-the things you can do- do them and acknowledge it as baby steps.

 

[Ronin]

Ok, you are currently in a hospital... do they have anything like a social workers section working with them?

Someone you could talk about options on this with, while still in, or to direct you to organizations assisting people for when you are released? (IDK the correct word rn, I mean like once out of the hospital.)

If your age is the main reason you feel so down... it may be harder to find a job, facing discrimination and closed door, but that does not mean you cannot do it, k? Hard is not impossible. You also gained SO much experience & wisdom while working all of those years, that is valuable, and you will be able to use it, once getting some distance & clarity. Give that time.

 

[Deanna]

I'm so sorry and I don't think you ruined everything. I think you simply fell apart. It was too much. You'll have to heal. A partial hospitalization will help. You'll just have to take the time. I'm in my 50's as well and it really has nothing to do with hitting a brick wall. It's going to happen reguarless, when you're dealing with all you where dealing with. You can get another job but you've got to take some time, to be your best

When you are in your 50's, its harder to bounce back.

 

[willhealeventually]

Thank you for your support.
I haven’t been able to hold on to a job for longer than 2 years in the past 10 years.
It may be that I am too damaged to have a job. Frequent absences are a problem for me - I have agoraphobia that kicks in. I don’t feel that I can cope with stress anymore.
I have 2 masters degrees and high intelligence/performance when I do work. However, none of it matters. I’ve been fired/pushed out 3 times in my life and it hurt my confidence. That was after my breakdown. Prior to that I was at a company for 10 years. Now I feel like no matter what job I get, I will be fired.
I cannot express in words just how much I’ve given up. There’s a good chance that I will lose my home - the only thing left from all my years of hard work - and my only safe spot. It is also a safe haven for my 2 kids - one in college and another in middle school.
I don’t know where to look for hope or strength. I will share this in my partial program today but they’ll probably just start asking me how suicidal I am...on the one hand, I feel like I have so much to offer. On the other, life is giving me the message that I am not fit and too broken to function.

 

[grit]

@willhealeventually
I am super sorry you are in this mess. I can only imagine it must feel like the end of the world from your perspective. You have had similar experiences in the past and pulled through it and I hope you have some memory of how.
In terms of the future and hope, I think with your intelligence, education and experience, you may have to go completely different field where you can be upfront about your absence. I am just pulling this out of my own ying/yang not knowing anything about you or what you do or interested but I feel to struggle this hard, truly sometimes requires higher intelligence to recover every time and I hope you find something fulfilling when you get out of the hospital and I am holding you in my thought while you are in the hospital.

 

[Ronin]

I feel like I have so much to offer.

This one is right.

On the other, life is giving me the message

Not as much a message as a placement question... not you worthless.

You maybe cannot work *there*, under those circumstances.
But that is not telling of all time / everywhere / your lack of qualities.

 

[Deanna]

Thank you for your support.
I haven’t been able to hold on to a job for longer than 2 years in the past 10 years.
It may be that I am too damaged to have a job. Frequent absences are a problem for me - I have agoraphobia that kicks in. I don’t feel that I can cope with stress anymore.
I have 2 masters degrees and high intelligence/performance when I do work. However, none of it matters. I’ve been fired/pushed out 3 times in my life and it hurt my confidence. That was after my breakdown. Prior to that I was at a company for 10 years. Now I feel like no matter what job I get, I will be fired.
I cannot express in words just how much I’ve given up. There’s a good chance that I will lose my home - the only thing left from all my years of hard work - and my only safe spot. It is also a safe haven for my 2 kids - one in college and another in middle school.
I don’t know where to look for hope or strength. I will share this in my partial program today but they’ll probably just start asking me how suicidal I am...on the one hand, I feel like I have so much to offer. On the other, life is giving me the message that I am not fit and too broken to function.

Well.. The part you are leaving out is your husband was mooching off of you too, instead of getting work and helping. ( or I'm under the assumption) so, when he realized nothing was changing, he got a girlfriend. Am i right? That is some responsibility you were holding up there.

 

[willhealeventually]

Well.. The part you are leaving out is your husband was mooching off of you too, instead of getting work and helping. ( or I'm under the assumption) so, when he realized nothing was changing, he got a girlfriend. Am i right? That is some responsibility you were holding up there.

You are absolutely right about my husband. When I started falling apart, he just pushed me harder to support the family and keep working. Then, he wanted to be intimate with me - and I had nothing left. When he realized I wasn’t going to go back to an overarching me, he easily rationaluzed me away as a crazy person that “stessed him out” ?

You maybe cannot work *there*, under those circumstances.
But that is not telling of all time / everywhere / your lack of qualities.

This may be true... in addition to ptsd, I have chronic pain. This makes it difficult for me to function under stressful conditions. I’ve considered that maybe teaching is not for me, even though I have enjoyed it.
But my marriage moved me to the middle of nowhere. I will be stuck here after the divorce because of my kid. There are no corporate jobs here for what I used to do before. And I am not sure how to pump myself up for reinventing at 50ish. I get anxious/exhausted just thinking about it...

 

[Ronin]

Have you thought of teaching either English as a second language, or teaching abroad?

Quite many nations seek native speakers, and you could send the money home, ev. even tho it is a bit complicated with scheduling equal level education but still have the kid with you (not sure how old they are.)?

 

[Deanna]

You are absolutely right about my husband. When I started falling apart, he just pushed me harder to support the family and keep working. Then, he wanted to be intimate with me - and I had nothing left. When he realized I wasn’t going to go back to an overarching me, he easily rationaluzed me away as a crazy person that “stessed him out” ?

What a jerk. I have a lot of problems with men like that. I am so sorry he did that to u. He wanted u to lose. You won't though. You're the mother of that child so stay calm..no girlfriend of 2 days or 2 months can replace that in a court of law.