Madness, Insanity & The World Wide Web

I used to avoid these things and let the missus attend, be the driver, to and from. Now... I don't mind getting dressed up and also attending
Was this something that happened gradually, or one day you woke up and decided to set yourself at it? Something that has been on “the list” for awhile, or an unexpected byproduct of something else that you decided to capitalize on? Or?

Just curious what sparked it.

Ditto if it’s led you to any unexpected places?

Seems like whenever I accomplish one thing in unf*cking myself? It opens doors I either hadn’t realised were connected to it (why, hello!); or that I hadn’t given any real thought to / were undesirable …until… I”d already done this other thing, and now? Find myself both motivated and inspired to try my hand at.
Yes, my experience has been close one door, open something else... but I just keep tackling one thing at a time. Literally. I focus on one thing, even though I may have a list, I close one thing off completely and ensure no further side effects. Then I move on.

I have been chipping away at more crowds slowly for years, on and off. I fix it to a point where I can accomplish what I want, then stop. But I know there are usually more things I'm still avoiding because when I try them they still screw me up. Even though I can go to a packed pub, no problems, I would get sick for a day or two from going to a party and having to socialise. So it was the socialise component, not so much the party full of people, as exposure to crowds had curbed that for me. I just felt I was now ready to start chipping away at the socialising part. I like my alone time, but I like to know people too. I want to know people. So that is my thing now. Small, but the only thing I'm actively working on, yet still managing everything else along the way.

I see my experience in healing like a house of cards. I keep building it up, but it can and does fall or partially collapse at times. So I just rebuild and then try to double up the foundation and structure as I rebuild, so I collapse less and just maybe get a bit pissy or such for a short period. Far more manageable for me than complete loss of function and I curl up on the lounge for a day or two. Even those times, I still force myself out to exercise each morning, as I know that will fix a lot of the problem.

I can't stick my finger completely on it, more just I felt right to progress again. Time, strengthening my structure as I go day to day, then my brain just kinda tells me to start on the next level.
Had an excellent week in Cairns with my brother and SIL. Nicolette's birthday holiday. We explored, went Barra fishing, visited quaint little towns, went on a scenic helicopter ride with private island layover, shopped and more. It was relaxing, got a little tipsy on a couple of days, but had an amazing time. I haven't fallen over like I normally do after such things, and am working myself backwards from busy to normal life to minimise depression fallout. So winning on that front this time. Its taken a long time and a lot of work, experimentation, but is working. I've been playing around with fixing this little issue, the after effect of events, as we're going to start travelling much more soon, short getaways with some longer ones, so working out the kinks in the current flawed system that is me.