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Madness, Insanity & The World Wide Web

I used to avoid these things and let the missus attend, be the driver, to and from. Now... I don't mind getting dressed up and also attending
Was this something that happened gradually, or one day you woke up and decided to set yourself at it? Something that has been on “the list” for awhile, or an unexpected byproduct of something else that you decided to capitalize on? Or?

Just curious what sparked it.

Ditto if it’s led you to any unexpected places?

Seems like whenever I accomplish one thing in unf*cking myself? It opens doors I either hadn’t realised were connected to it (why, hello!); or that I hadn’t given any real thought to / were undesirable …until… I”d already done this other thing, and now? Find myself both motivated and inspired to try my hand at.
 
Yes, my experience has been close one door, open something else... but I just keep tackling one thing at a time. Literally. I focus on one thing, even though I may have a list, I close one thing off completely and ensure no further side effects. Then I move on.

I have been chipping away at more crowds slowly for years, on and off. I fix it to a point where I can accomplish what I want, then stop. But I know there are usually more things I'm still avoiding because when I try them they still screw me up. Even though I can go to a packed pub, no problems, I would get sick for a day or two from going to a party and having to socialise. So it was the socialise component, not so much the party full of people, as exposure to crowds had curbed that for me. I just felt I was now ready to start chipping away at the socialising part. I like my alone time, but I like to know people too. I want to know people. So that is my thing now. Small, but the only thing I'm actively working on, yet still managing everything else along the way.

I see my experience in healing like a house of cards. I keep building it up, but it can and does fall or partially collapse at times. So I just rebuild and then try to double up the foundation and structure as I rebuild, so I collapse less and just maybe get a bit pissy or such for a short period. Far more manageable for me than complete loss of function and I curl up on the lounge for a day or two. Even those times, I still force myself out to exercise each morning, as I know that will fix a lot of the problem.

I can't stick my finger completely on it, more just I felt right to progress again. Time, strengthening my structure as I go day to day, then my brain just kinda tells me to start on the next level.
 
Had an excellent week in Cairns with my brother and SIL. Nicolette's birthday holiday. We explored, went Barra fishing, visited quaint little towns, went on a scenic helicopter ride with private island layover, shopped and more. It was relaxing, got a little tipsy on a couple of days, but had an amazing time. I haven't fallen over like I normally do after such things, and am working myself backwards from busy to normal life to minimise depression fallout. So winning on that front this time. Its taken a long time and a lot of work, experimentation, but is working. I've been playing around with fixing this little issue, the after effect of events, as we're going to start travelling much more soon, short getaways with some longer ones, so working out the kinks in the current flawed system that is me.
 
I’m so sorry to hear that.

His road imagery was/is incredible. I was always disappointed I’d missed that time on site, but it’s still fascinating both how the answers to those questions change, as well as how easily/readily one’s mind supplies them. Like there’s no gate guard.

My condolences to you.

Will you do something fun to honor him/his memory?
 
So I was just chewed out by an acquaintance What the f*ck is wrong with you?!? (So many things, could you be more specific?) When I asked them if they had anything fun planned in rememberance (their favourite professor died)… which led me to wonder if I might have misstepped here, too, and owe an apology.

In my family, when someone we respect/ admire/ care for/ or love (after the bereavement process) dies? We do something fun, something WE wouldn’t ordinarily do… but think we would enjoy, not big on masochism, my people… that THEY would have adored.

- When my childhood friend (the actor) died? I bought season tickets to the Met. I like performances (theatre, ballet, opera) but that’s like, a once a year thing. Maybe. Not a weekly or even monthly thing. Except that year. And I had a blast, in ball gowns & long gloves, remembering how my friend and I used to sneak in during dress rehearsals, in ripped up jeans and flannel shirts and doc martins. It was just a very cool way to say goodbye, and thankyou.

When my favorite uncle (astrophysisit & backcountry sports/exploration) was killed in an avalanche?
- Water sports chick (me) bought season tickets & snowboard lessons (and fell in love, bought season tickets every year after, just waiting-waiting-waiting for the snow to fall).
- Signed up for a series of astronomy classes at the U (the kids classes my son took were wicked fun, the actual adult course had me wanting to jab a pencil through my eye).
- Took my (mostly made up of fibreglass patches & duct tape) kayak on a shatter-or-bust mission. It was my first kayak ever, a hand me down from my uncle when I was a teenager, and it steered like a sinking barge with a benzo problem. So it had just been collecting dust for ages. Which is the opposite of how my uncle lived, or would have wanted his things treated. Use it, or lose it. It took me about 6mo of creative misuse (I can toooootally fit down that drainage pipe!) to finally break it beyond repair. (And apx 3 more meters of fibreglass patching; no cheating, if I can fix it? It’s not dead, yet.). Then I donated it to a local REEF project, where it’s now collecting barnacles and baby octopodus, and other cool things, along with other busted up sea craft & historic building rubble.

- Meanwhile a casual friend/colleague, instead of spending a season or a year, it would probably just be a weekend or day trip or event.

Big or small, close or casual, just something cool, that reminds me of them.

As I tend to specialize in open mouth insert foot? I just wanted to come back here and say I didn’t mean any disrespect, and apologise if it came across that way.
 
Done nothing wrong, all is good. His death doesn't affect me one way or another. I only knew him over the Internet and video chatted with him, so no close relationship. I don't feel anything personally myself about his death... just that its sad he is gone, as I did know he was helping a lot of trauma sufferers through his work, and now he is gone, that is more not being helped. That probably is the only thing that slightly gets at me.

You're a combat vet... not sure how you deal with it, but death has kinda lost meaning for me. Live each day as though its your last, is pretty much my stance, because I've seen so much death across all ages, that you never know when you will be gone. A lot of people say shit around those words, but don't tend to really mean it or live by it. Not the case for me nowadays. So death to me is just part of life, we're all going to die and I don't really get sad about it, and I do usually celebrate it more than mourn, for the life lived vs the event of death itself.

So nope... no need to apologise to me for anything said. I haven't taken anything beyond its intent.
 
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