How do y'all deal with maintaining relationships with people who you are close with who have their own mental health issues?
I'm very close with my sister and wish more than anything I could be there for her any time she needs me but I have a lot of mental and physical health issues of my own and being there for someone 24/7 takes a huge toll on me. Especially because her illnesses sometimes manifest in ways that are unintentionally abusive. i.e. threatening to kill herself if I don't comply with her demands, threatening me in some way, or becoming extremely angry and verbally abusive if we'd have any minor disagreements. She is a hard drug user and has consistently put herself into situations that have often lead to trauma for both of us. (No matter her impulsivity or compulsion for risky behaviors, none of the things that have been done to her are her fault of course) The main problem is that while she is having her meltdowns or someone has hurt her I am left to be unreasonably calm and clearheaded while trying to fix everything which is hard for anybody but especially for someone with their own personal issues. So I'm often left having to stuff my feelings down and suck up whatever is going on physically (and in the past I was the only one financially supporting us both) to take care of the real world repercussions that happen around her (hospital visits, talking to police, missing work multiple times to rescue her from situations) because she shuts down completely (on top of exploding at me most times). Ignoring my own needs for the needs of others (to the point where I can hardly remember my childhood) is a common theme from my childhood and can really make me feel unbalanced when it happens in the present.
The big thing, though, is that she refuses to get any type of help. Any attempts at healing have been very short-lived and she doesn't seem like she's going to resume any time soon. And in the meantime I'm left in charge of taking care of all of her needs (both emotionally and life wise as she has very bad anxiety and will often make me take care of her adulthood matters even though I have just as much anxiety) and it's just really hard being the only stable relationship in the life of someone who constantly violates my boundaries. And I want to be there to help her heal. I want to be the one who she knows will always love and support her. I want to be the one who is calm and rational and talks her down even when she is yelling at me because something has triggered her and her anxiety and sadness comes out as anger.
So how do you all do this? How do you maintain a positive and healing relationship with someone who refuses help and is constantly symptomatic while still taking care of yourself?
I'm very close with my sister and wish more than anything I could be there for her any time she needs me but I have a lot of mental and physical health issues of my own and being there for someone 24/7 takes a huge toll on me. Especially because her illnesses sometimes manifest in ways that are unintentionally abusive. i.e. threatening to kill herself if I don't comply with her demands, threatening me in some way, or becoming extremely angry and verbally abusive if we'd have any minor disagreements. She is a hard drug user and has consistently put herself into situations that have often lead to trauma for both of us. (No matter her impulsivity or compulsion for risky behaviors, none of the things that have been done to her are her fault of course) The main problem is that while she is having her meltdowns or someone has hurt her I am left to be unreasonably calm and clearheaded while trying to fix everything which is hard for anybody but especially for someone with their own personal issues. So I'm often left having to stuff my feelings down and suck up whatever is going on physically (and in the past I was the only one financially supporting us both) to take care of the real world repercussions that happen around her (hospital visits, talking to police, missing work multiple times to rescue her from situations) because she shuts down completely (on top of exploding at me most times). Ignoring my own needs for the needs of others (to the point where I can hardly remember my childhood) is a common theme from my childhood and can really make me feel unbalanced when it happens in the present.
The big thing, though, is that she refuses to get any type of help. Any attempts at healing have been very short-lived and she doesn't seem like she's going to resume any time soon. And in the meantime I'm left in charge of taking care of all of her needs (both emotionally and life wise as she has very bad anxiety and will often make me take care of her adulthood matters even though I have just as much anxiety) and it's just really hard being the only stable relationship in the life of someone who constantly violates my boundaries. And I want to be there to help her heal. I want to be the one who she knows will always love and support her. I want to be the one who is calm and rational and talks her down even when she is yelling at me because something has triggered her and her anxiety and sadness comes out as anger.
So how do you all do this? How do you maintain a positive and healing relationship with someone who refuses help and is constantly symptomatic while still taking care of yourself?
