Maybe Im Already In The Deep End...

[Nichole Rayne]

I keep trying to pull myself up and lut of this crap but i do not see me doing it on my own. I have learned over the years to keep a strong resolve and never show a weak side because people use you. Well im to the point...maybe way past the point of being able to act ok. everything scares me.

Im scared to go outside. To have to socialize. I over analyze in my head about how dumb i will Ou d to someone else and thT pretty much has made me agorophobic.im constantly aware of howi say something or of how im walking...."i hope i dont look stupid" just ridiculous stuff really. I feel as if everything is one big joke on me. At any minute, my real family will come out from where they are hiding and get rid of these crazy bitter unsympathetic impersonators they call my family. I really do feel like i got lost a few years ago and now here i am just wNdering along in search of something real. Something ibcan believe in. God walks witb yes. But im telling you i have let this go so long i am so very scared i wont come back. All i want to do is feel again. Feel the day as it comes over me....instead of fearing it. be able to make a phone call without stuttering. Believe in myself again. Yes

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I have similar issues. Maybe this chart will help you understand your level of fear/anxiety. Right now, I am about a 3.0. which is personally very good for me.

 

[Gadgie]

Feel the day as it comes over me....instead of fearing it. be able to make a phone call without stuttering. Believe in myself again.

I can relate to that, as I get so nervous when I'm amongst people, that I stutter and panic, when they speak to me. It's the same when I'm on the phone, it's so frustrating, as I know what I want to say, but the words just won't come out, then I go into a panic mode.

I get really nervous when I'm with other people, I just want to shy away and be alone, my confidence gets so low I feel like I will be "normal" again?

 

[discoverotherchoices]

habits-and-rituals on Lee Baucom's Thriveology site. Check out 2 recordings, titles mentioned below. They helped my feeling of vulnerability.

Hi Nichole, I can't write much explanation bc my overthinking nabs me & I'd be 3 hours on this one note & then by bedtime angry at myself for dropping into my known quicksand.

Lee Baucom helped me (this was a longer paragraph but I highlighted it while writing it off-site, tried to remove formatting & inadvertently deleted paragraph, so 1 sentence it is <oh well>).

Scroll down to the "Standards" recording--the 4th one or so, & then to the one below it, re: setting boundaries.

At bottom of page are lots of titles to others he has done, live links to text & download.

 

[Friday]

One of the tricks I use is... I'm tired. I hate. All I want. All the many many many lists that bash me against the rocks when I'm doing badly? Are actually goal lists looked at another way. Many very, very achievable goals... Other ones difficult goals that will take some time. The trick? With either? Is to turn those lists on their ear.

You're already halfway there:

"I want to be able to not stutter on the phone"... Is a definite step in the right direction from "I hate talking on the phone, or I'm tied of trying to talk on the phone, or I can never manage to make a phone call wihout stuttering, or, or, or."

<grin> You've already turned it INTO a goal! :D

Badass.

Next step? A plan to make that goal real. It could include a whole bunch of things, ranging from "simply" practicing (nothing simple about it!), to elocution lessons, to singing lessons, to mapping out patterns of phone use & stuttering (aka, Do you always stutter? Or only with some people, or not with some people but everyone else, or only in the evening, or not at the gym, etc.), to, to, to, to.

Baby steps.