Sufferer Me against the world, ptsd after accident

[CtBobbula]

Hi all.
I'm a sufferer from PTSD. I had a tragic car-accident June 11th, 2016, I drove the car which during a blackout I drove right into a truck&trailer combination. One of my passengers died in my arms, two others were heavily wounded and crippled since.
I am under treatment, both medicinal and therapical, but I still find myself regressing time from time. The main thing is that I feel alone. This shouldn't be any news to you guys, but I feel alone, due to the fact that this whole PTSD is so invisible. Yesterday, during therapy, I explained my psychologist that probably I will need to hang some label on my neck stating I have an issue, otherwise people just tend to believe everything is going well, when it's absolutely not going well. I blame myself for the accident, although nothing really shows I am to be blamed (no alcohol in the game or any other sedatives), I have no memory of what actually HAS happened. I feel people around me blaming me, but in the good sense - for them. Like: "Hey ok, shit happened, now get over it". They just don't understand this makes it only worse to me! I'm talking about my closest relatives, my wife, my brother-in-law (he reportedly stated it's my fault).
It seems I'm using the whole PTSD to find an excuse for my behavior, my mood. But I don't. I absolutely am not willing to suffer so much. For so long already. It's just crazy. And people just say: You should have gone over it by now. They are surprised I still have crazy flashbacks, sense the smell and taste of blood all over and smoke, fire. They don't understand.
I'm not even sure here anymore why I am just writing this all down to you guys. Maybe to find some genuine understanding.

 

[Esterio]

Hi CtBubbula

First welcome and know that you are not alone. There is a forum that is for survivors of motor vehicle accidents I am sorry for the accident that brought you here. Some accidents are life changing events as was yours. I have more going on not only accidents. Both motor vehicle accidents left me with a lot of scares physical as well as Ptsd.

I don't talk to many face to face about what is going on. Mostly because I get the feeling they do not understand. They do express that it is time for me to move on. I would if I could do they think that I like to feel like shit everyday. I come here and talk where others do understand it has helped me out a lot talking with the few friends I have made here.

Flashbacks can be devastating. I was having them for years in the night with no memory of what was waking me either crying or in full on panic. I have found out what those were now and don't wake up like that anymore now. Both were related to the accidents.

Good luck on your healing journey.
Peace be safe

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[Lucycat]

Hi and Welcome @CtBobbula .
I see you joined here almost 2 years to the day of the accident. I am guessing the anniversary of it has been triggering and lead to you reaching out. I am glad to read that you are seeing a therapist. I hope they will help you to see the accident in a different light - that it was a tragic accident and no fault of yours. I am guessing you have been through a million 'if onlys', but nothing can change what happened. What you can change is how you see it and stop it from taking over your entire life.

I do understand what you mean, when people suggest you should be 'over it' by now. If only it were that simple. That shows they have no concept of PTSD and how the memories are mis-stored in your brain. You don't choose to dwell on it and have flashbacks. It is the brain doing that. However therapy really can make a difference so do continue to make good use of it.

 

[blackemerald1]

Welcome to the forums @CtBobbula - I am glad you are reaching out beyond the people that tell you to move on and get over it.

You are correct - it isn't so easy. You are not alone and I hope we can assist and support you as you learn how to manage your PTSD.