Moody And Mean!!!!

[lisamarie]

Hi everyone,

I have a "roommate" (its complicated) living with me currently, and I seriously cannot stop myself from being a huge you know what to him. Don't get me wrong, he does DUMB stuff all the time and does need to be corrected (its my house) and so on. But the degree to which I take the "correction"/whatever is ridiculous. I snap on him all the time. He says that its because I am still angry at my abuser (ex-boyfriend) for what he did to me, and that he is an easy target. (I know he would never hurt me, he's not very assertive, not scared of him at all, etc.)

I'm sure other people have gone thru this....its like the chemicals in my brain go wonky and I'm not capable of being nice. I need to work on it because regardless of anything else, I don't want to treat another human being so poorly.

Suggestions/support?

 

[AzureMind]

Yup, I've been there....STILL kinda there! Having PTSD/Depression/Anxiety problems makes you feel like you're ready to fly the coop! :laugh: My suggestion is trying to have a calm and rational discussion with him that is on mutual terms meaning everyone is heard completely, and comes to a mutual agreement regarding what you both can do to remedy the situation and keep the peace between you two for however long you wish to continue having him live there. It may seem, drawn out, but it's for the best, and if you do it right, you'll only have to do it once in depth, and every now and then, you can just remind him if you 'slip' and he should be cool with it. I can say from experience that there's nothing worse than having an obstinate roommate...This will give him a chance to be heard, and will help to establish a healthy rapport with him that will in turn serve you by having someone perceptive/understanding to your plight in your own home.

Regarding your reactions, the beauty of realizing you have a "reaction" to a stimuli, is that you can change it with awareness. When you feel these urges coming on, try to figure out where they're coming from and why for that matter they are still coming out at such a disproportionate degree. If he's correct, and you're actually taking out your issues regarding your ex out on your roommate, then I suggest finding a support group/therapist in your area that can help you work through those issues.

One last thing; I've learned that it doesn't take long before a behavior becomes a pattern, and a pattern becomes a habit; so try to form a good one before you form a bad by asking him what he needs from you and telling him what you need from him to make this work for the both of you if you want it to work.

Best of Luck LM! :)