I didn’t understand it until I had people in my life that got me.
My parents are lovely people. But taking either of them with me anywhere? Much less the countless times before I was 17 (and moved out) and it was their “right” (IE I had no say, they were coming, they were going to dominate the encounter, and I had better toe the line)... at best is difficult, counterproductive, exhausting, and simply makes a hard thing harder. :wtf: Pass.
But just having people in my life who get me? Doesn’t mean they get me in all ways. The person I’d call on for SituationA, often won’t be the person I’d call on for SituationB. Because A they’re brilliant, and B they’re exhausting.
The in between part of not understanding moral support to having people at my back that I trust? Moreover being able to tell situation A&B from each other, and what I would need or want from a person? Required some TERRIBLE boundaries! :roflmao: I didn’t want them there, and instead of respecting my wishes, they said “f*ck that” and inserted themselves into the situation. Sometimes, quite forcibly.
What I have learned is ^^^that^^^ is most often a byproduct of youth (the selfsame people, 20 years later, take a step back when asked... instead of diving in, headfirst)... OR being able to read people incrediably phenomenally well. That second piece? Is rare. At any age. Even more rare is someone who reads me, the situation, and themselves correctly AND decides to insert themselves. I bring this up, because in my 20s there were more people willing to dive in, given half an opportunity, than you could swing a cat at. In my 30s? I was confused by the sudden absence... it wasn’t that I was no longer a good judge of character. It was that other people both had better boundaries (if someone asks them to take a step back? They respect that, and do), and lives with prior commitments... just like I did. But I had to be faced with a few situations where in the past I’d have come running, and today I had people depending on me not to do a runner on them, to come to someone else’s aid. Especially when that someone else didn’t want my aid.
So it’s been one of those complicated lessons to learn.
The way most people feel/want moral support? Isn’t the way I want it or feel it. So it’s a rare to find it in others, and more rare the older I get & more established both I & others are.
It’s one of the reasons I’ve stuck around here, so long. There are soooooo many personalities... that finding people who click? Who help me be a better person, just by being themselves? Who make hard situations easier, and better understood, by the sharing of their own strength and experience? Who challenge me when I need challenging, who laugh at me when I’m being ridiculous, grin at me when I’m sad, sit with me when I need silence... is almost a given. Not something to be taken for granted, but something to be deeply appreciated. Separated by thousands of miles, and seas, and very different lives... but still kicking it with me, when events arise. It’s a gift.
