Most Controversial Post You've Ever Read

[Ipevi]

I want to preface this by saying I am excluding CSA from this topic completely. I think even the most minor touching of a child is horrendous. This post is targeting the liberal use of the word "rape" when referring to 18 and older. *Don't read if you are sensitive*

Millennials(Gen Ys) have been categorized as weak, selfish, coddled by helicopter parents, grossly entitled, and marked as young adults unable to cope with life's basic hardships. Lack of accountability is stated to be the millennial trademark. I've always thought these were horribly unfair accusations by the gen x bloggers but after much reflection about what's in the news lately I just wanted to point out a few things that seem to confirm the stereotypes about the under 35 crowd.

There appears to be a very liberal definition of the word rape and sexual assault in general and it seems most everyone of that generation is now an assault victim and speaking righteously about how they've been wronged. Many of the millennials claim PTSD from assaults that don't even sound like assaults when you go in to the details.

I agree boys should be educated about proper consent, but to be quite honest I find it terrifying how far the pendulum has swung when it comes to calling boys sex offenders and rapists.

I believe that anyone that feels assaulted has every right to get help, but I do not agree that all these alleged sex offenders belong in jail. I don't believe most were sex offenders at all. I think many times, these young opportunistic boys truly in their heart do not know their sexual parter is feeling violated. I think this generation of women don't have enough accountability for their lack of communication. Why is it that when two drunk 20 yr olds have sex it's considered a boy raping a girl? He was drunk, too. How come when two teenagers are making out and she wants to be popular and doesn't want to say no in fear of being an outcast, suddenly he's a rapist for having sex with her when she's quiet.

I've read several blog posts from young women calling a boy a rapist because he put his arms around her and put his fingers inside her. 20 yrs ago that was first base. Now that boy is locked up in prison and the girl is in therapy for rape trauma syndrome.

Rape is NOT black and white. Sexual encounters go from the whitest white all the way to the blackest black. All rapes are NOT equal. I am so sick of victims saying that all sexual assault is equally traumatic. That's absurd! The millennials are known for getting participation trophies all their lives and now they want rape/PTSD labels for getting fingered in college?

I hate to admit it but I think many millennials need to get thicker skin. Getting fingered while drunk by a drunk boy is not rape. Making out and going too far because you didn't say no is not rape. You have every right to feel violated, you did allow yourself to be violated. It really happened, it's just that it was YOU that allowed the violation. You didn't communicate.

Why is it that you aren't expected to communicate but the boy making out with you is supposed to stop everything and force the words of consent out of your mouth? Only boys are forced to communicate? Not girls?

 

[A D M I N]

This is not the most controversial post I've ever read. But it's got the potential to turn into a shit show, here in the anonymous forum.

There are things here to discuss. The discussion is going to get heated. Posters who cannot handle this topic should leave it alone. We won't hesitate to thread-ban. You are anonymous to each other, but not to administrators.

OP - I don't think it should be about always blaming the guy. I do think it's about knowing who was the instigator/aggressor, and who becomes the one being acted upon.

I do believe it's incumbent on both partners to make sure that the other one is OK with moving forward. So, yes - you check with your person. If they are silent, stop. Yes means yes; nothing does not mean yes.

Saying yes and then having regrets and deciding to call it assault when it was really not - that's wrong. Our society is decompensating right now, and rushing to support any claim of victimization. I expect it will right itself. For a very long time, you could not claim to be a victim at all. Don't forget that.

And without being a fly on the wall of these situations, it's nearly impossible to know what really happened. You are citing some specific examples of stories that I don't know if you are hypothesizing about or actually relaying; but I'd personally caution you against generalizations in a conversation where your overall desire is for things to get more specific (ie not generalizing that boys = bad, always).

-Joeylittle.

 

[Kapugu]

Someone wrote unapologetically about sex with dogs saying it wasn't illegal in Florida. First, animal abuse. Second, sex with animals has been illegal in Florida for five years.

 

[A D M I N]

Not seeing how sex with dogs relates to the OP...the laws around bestiality are usually pretty clear, and when it's illegal, it's based on the premise that the animal cannot give consent.

This is not the same as over-crying 'trauma' or just default to 'blame the guy'. Or am I wrong?

 

[Name]

The one idea here that is 100% correct is that there are varying degrees. On one hand there is full-blown rape. I'm sure there are a lot of people on this site who know completely what the consequences of that are. A legitimate rape can destroy somebody's life, sometimes forever. It can be worse than killing them.
On the other hand, I'll tell you a story about somebody I knew personally. She got drunk and slept with somebody, and in the morning decided that she regretted doing it. So instead of learning from this and changing her behavior, she decides to literally ruin this guy's life. I was there that night, and she was all over this guy right up until the point that she dragged him off. Now he's been labeled as a rapist in our town (about 1500 people), lost his job because of it, and is planning on moving away. She claims to be a feminist...but what she did is the opposite of what a feminist should be doing. Calling what happened a rape has devalued all the actual rapes that occur legitimately every single day and is an insult to feminism. So what this girl did was ruin somebody's life, just like raping somebody can ruin their life in a different way.
BOTH ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
Obviously there is way more to this, but there's my two cents.

 

[Ipevi]

I have to look up the sex with dogs thread. It's an interesting analogy...is sex with a dog (that doesn't know how to say no) the same as having sex with a girl that doesn't feel comfortable to say no?

Admin, I appreciate your response that you agreed our society is compensating/decomoensating and rushing to support all alleged victims.
I have no problem supporting people that feel like victims even. If the younger culture feels easily victimized and needs more help tying their shoes, fine. I just don't like the idea that normal healthy young men are demonized as rapists and even locked up and have to register as sex offenders. What's worse is that there are SO many real sex offenders out there and calling all these college boys rapists for wanting sex too quickly is really not doing anyone any justice.

 

[Uho]

As a GenX'er I tend to disagree with the millennium stereotype. In many ways they are very fortunate to grow up in a time where this is more open communication on sexual abuse instead of the previous generations cultural silence.They have more access to resources and information than my generation did.

On the other hand they also face a more unpredictable world with with more awareness of the dangers that are out there.

The rules are simple, if one person did not or was unable to give consent it is assault. People need to learn to say "Is it ok if I touch you?"

 

[Ikem]

Millennials(Gen Ys) have been categorized as weak, selfish, coddled by helicopter parents, grossly entitled, and marked as young adults unable to cope with life's basic hardships. Lack of accountability is stated to be the millennial trademark. I've always thought these were horribly unfair accusations by the gen x bloggers but after much reflection about what's in the news lately I just wanted to point out a few things that seem to confirm the stereotypes about the under 35 crowd.

I would add, that there is a social bias present today. Depending which generation you want to discuss, there has been war, war and war, and progressively war is lesser and lesser. This leans society towards traumatic bias of what is defined as traumatic. We progressively become more sensitive to what is traumatic when there is no ongoing catastrophic type basis for direct correlation of experience.

We are our own worse enemies, and the entire psychological community at whole, needs to remain in business... so they lean with society and determine trauma differently, as though a mild unsatisfactory sexual encounter can now become sexual assault or such, even the person is convinced that it is sexual assault, purely because we have leaned towards the more sensitive versions of all trauma experiences without that direct conflict in our immediate environment.

 

[Afow]

Someone wrote unapologetically about sex with dogs saying it wasn't illegal in Florida.

I don't see sex with animals in the OP or did I miss read the OP? I am half asleep. That seemed to come out of no where.

I've read several blog posts from young women calling a boy a rapist because he put his arms around her and put his fingers inside her. 20 yrs ago that was first base. Now that boy is locked up in prison and the girl is in therapy for rape trauma syndrome.

Yeah but my question would be is she ok with that? You don't just do that because she let you kiss her or even grope her. But also my question would also be did she try to stop it?

nothing does not mean yes.

That is what I would agree with in the above. Just because she allows A doesn't mean she is consenting to B.

Also, is this really only under 35 yr olds or are they just the ones that are most likely to park the car to make out kind of thing?

I agree that society screams rape too fast but then would you rather have years ago where real rape wasn't taken seriously? There is a middle ground, yes, but out of the two I'd rather society be hyper vengenlent then to not take real rape seriously.

I think middle ground understanding comes with education, in my opinion. Like here for instance. Many will learn a lot here. Also on those blogs you mentioned. As society becomes educated I think we will see more middle ground.

I also felt a shift in how society views abuse with the famous kidnapped kids being found. Jaycee Dugard, Elizabeth Smart, the 4 women in Cleveland. Just more and more coming out of the shadows. In my opinion, that helped society shift from under vegelent to hyper vegenlent. Just my opinion. We just need to educate where we can to help it shift more middle ground.

 

[Gabagu]

I just wanted to point out a few things that seem to confirm the stereotypes about the under 35 crowd.

Substantiating biases from the corner of sensationalism, may not present an accurate nor fair approach to the generation that at some point inherits this planet as well as our concerns. Your opening statements concerning generations was not taught nor sanctioned by our staff within the university of the business dept nor within the business curriculum.

"Insofar as the most controversial post" ... sadly this is among them. Perhaps older is not always wiser...

 

[Vubajij]

A lot -if not most- of the highschool kids I know are filming their sexcapades, these days. Like putting on a condom, it's to protect themselves. In this case from being accused of sexual assault.

I don't like it, although I support it. The kids themselves? Have grown up with less privacy than any other generation I know of. They are intensely aware of public scrutiny of every aspect of their lives. From the tracking devices in their pockets (mobile phones), to anything one can imagine being up online (and parents-teachers-friends-enemies reading it, if about them), to being filmed everywhere they go. So I can understand intellectually it's not a huge leap to consider filming themselves doing everything from snogging to the full Monty. I think it's sad. And it has accompanying problems (if anything goes online or is shown to friends it puts the kids at risk of being charged with child porn; in consent states both -or all- participants have to give their consent to being filmed, or that's another law broken & doesn't protect for shit, since it can't be used as your defense in court; countless opportunities for exes revenge & hurtful avenues to exploit; amongst others.) But, while I think it's sad, until Americans in general get some f*cking common sense, I also support it.

 

[Iwoc]

Sorry but the FBI classes forced fingering as rape (including if a woman does it to a woman)