Mother Is Here And I'm Triggered

[FindingMyself88]

So my mom got here about 4 hours ago and will be here until Tuesday. Already I am triggered. She has done nothing but complain and grumble since she got here and has my stepdad in a very bad mood. He has been in a bad mood for several days now, I don't know if it is because he knew she was coming or not. We couldn't even enjoy going out to dinner. I'm trying very hard not to dissociate. When she isn't here, everything is fine, but when she is here, me and my dad are both on edge and he treats me differently :(.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: Oh, that sounds so difficult to be dealing with, especially after the long week you have had. :( Keep using all the grounding skills you can and take breaks away from her if possible! We are here if you need to vent more.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thank you @Justmehere . I've been trying to use my rubbing rock my T gave me and some other techniques, but I wander if it wouldn't be best to just let my self dissociate while she is here. After I posted this, she accused me of doing something I didn't do, got into a fight with my dad, and then said she should have just stayed back at our old town since it was obvious we didn't want her here :banghead::confused:. She always turns it around to be about her!

 

[Justmehere]

Ugh. She sounds really delightful - not! She is toxic! Hang in there!

 

[FindingMyself88]

Yeah…delightful….more like despicable! Thanks, I'm trying, she had borderline personality disorder. She isn't diagnosed, but a psychology teacher, my psychiatrist, and both of my therapists have said she has it and I have all the signs of being raised by a BPD mom. Plus my primary doctor has met her and said she thinks she has it. Go figure. Anyways, I'm about to go to bed to just be done with today. I won't sleep, but she doesn't have to know that!

Goodnight and thank you for letting me vent :hug:

 

[Echo]

She sounds just like my mum. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. All about her, etc. My psychotherapist also feels she is mentally ill. Do you know the book, Toxic Parents by Susan Forward? It has helped me enormously to really comprehend the psychodrama at play and thus remove myself increasingly from it.

Hope your next few days go better. Maybe just letting it wash over you as much as possible and knowing it is not your fault in any way would help a bit?

 

[FindingMyself88]

I'm sorry you've experienced it too. It really sucks. I don't know that book, I've read Understanding the Borderline Mother.

Thank you, I hope so. She will be moving up here for good in a month or so, so I am nervous about living with her full time again. Last night the only thing I could do to escape the anxiety was to allow myself to dissociate. I am realizing now thats how I lived and dealt with her before… Something I will be talking to my therapist about Tuesday.

 

[Echo]

I will check out that book. Did you find it helped you?

I hope you can find some way of living apart from her if she is causing you so much distress. But, as you say, talking to your therapist is probably the best way of finding something appropriate to your circumstances. I wish you every good luck.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Yes, it really helped me to see that my mom does have BPD and also gave some ideas on how to act around her.

Thank you. For now I have to live with her and my stepdad due to I haven't been able to work and I'm trying to go to school. Hopefully it won't be for long though.

 

[FindingMyself88]

ugh, today hasn't been much better :(. I completely dissociated at lunch today… like completely zoned out to the point both parents noticed. I also was on verge of panic attack because when I finally came back to, my mom was telling me to quit breathing so fast. Thankfully they didn't ask why. She showed her tail at the restaurant and completely embarrassed me and my dad. Now I just got home from church small group and apparently my dad told her that I got a check last week for $50. The check was my deposit fee I got back from other apartment. She said it was hers because they paid my last months rent. Mind you, she hasn't been paying ANYTHING for me that she agreed to (like counseling, which is what I used the $50 to pay for the next 5 weeks) or my gas, or anything. I've had to use my service dog money. And now she wants to borrow money!

ughhhhhh :banghead:

 

[FindingMyself88]

now my dad is making me go to the store with her :( :( :(