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Mothering Sunday, What Should I Be Feeling?

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cat

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Well its mothering sunday here in the Uk & I'm feeling as confused as ever.

I was diagnosed with ptsd in 2008 then cptsd & attachment disorder in 2009. I have weekly therapy which has been a great help & I'm now on the road to recovery. However, waking up this morning I am very confused about what I'm feeling. I have 3 great children & a grand daughter but don't feel able to be with them today, all I want to do is hide. I should be out for lunch with my daughter & her partners family but I have just cancelled.
My attachment disorder developed when I was 3 & both my parents were in hospital so I didn't see them for 6mths. Although I had a good relationship with Dad & have never felt any connection with Mum, in fact my earliest memory is me rejecting her comfort, I didn't talk about this until it came out during an EMDR session with my T. Mum died almost 4yrs ago & so today I should go to her (& dad's) grave with flowers but just can't make myself go.

Is there anyone else out there in this situation, I feel very lonely with this & also guilty for feeling this way.
 
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