Relationship Moving In.... And Losing Vet Affairs Benefits?

[Wastinglight]

My guy (PTSD 'sufferer') and I have been together for close to a year now. We are currently living together in a practical sense (as in, I almost never 'go home') but I am still renting a unit.

I have made it known that I am ready to move in, and now I'm pretty much just waiting for him to decide that he's ready too. We have discussed the matter, and we are agreed that moving in together is what we are both working towards, and in the near(ish) future.

But today, he raised the issue of how us moving in together will affect his DVA payments. He is on some sort of disability benefit currently.

I'm now wondering if he will be in danger of losing his benefit altogether if we move in together. If the rules are the same as they are for unemployment benefits (in Australia), this might be a very real possibility. I can well imagine that if this is the case, he will not want me to move in at any point (or at least, not for some time). This will eventually have a negative impact on the relationship - not only it is a huge waste of my money to keep paying rent, electricity, etc on a house I rarely even set foot in, but I won't feel like we've really made a commitment to each other if we don't actually ever merge our lives in an official sense, the way I imagined.

I know I'm 'awfulising' a little about this (as is my wont when I'm anxious), but I wondered if any of the Aussies here know what the rules are regarding the impact of de facto relationships on DVA benefits. Thanks :)

 

[Wastinglight]

I'm now actually wondering if this is already a moot point - a few weeks ago, he suggested that I change my address officially to his place. So as far as the state and federal government is concerned, it appears that we ARE already living together (if they are going on my address alone).

 

[Sighs]

He needs to contact Vet Affairs and ask them. It depends on the particular type of benefit he is on. My guy is TPI and it made no difference to his payments whatsoever. But apparently if he were on the VA Aged Pension then there is a different rate for couples as opposed to singles. No point speculating - call up and ask.

Also be aware that by not informing VA that you are in fact living there you may run foul of social security law. Defrauding the Commonwealth (which is the legal term - not my judgement) carries mandatory jail time. Not worth the risk. I hate the fact that when life is shades of grey the government requires a black and white answer. You need to be consistent so if you are not living there do not have it listed as your address on the electoral roll.

 

[Wastinglight]

Thanks heaps for that @Sighs. Neither of us had considered possible legal ramifications when I changed my address. I will ask him to follow up with DVA asap. I just had a quick look on their website, and I think you have 28 days to notify them anyway.

I'm also thinking I need to sit him down and have a general chat about the future, just so I know that we're on the same page. A lot of my anxiety is stemming from me not feeling like I know where I stand with him. I always put off these chats, because I know that talking about ANYTHING serious makes him really uncomfortable.

 

[Wastinglight]

My guy is TPI and it made no difference to his payments whatsoever

By the way, what is "TPI"?

 

[anthony]

DVA payments

TPI = Totally & Permanently Incapacitated. (whether mental, physical or both)

Depends what system he is under, as to when he got out. Being a couple does not typically affect DVA TPI pensions, you would have to have close to a million in assets, not including your own home, for it to be affected. There is an additional pension that some can get which is affected by spouses and also taxable income. If all you get is your TPI and no superannuation or other income, then he would also be getting what a disability support pension. That pension alone, not the TPI, is subject to spousal income and additional income earned.

I don't get it, for example, as I exceed the taxable income threshold for it. It takes a fair bit to affect TPI. You can hold a full time job and still have your TPI card and benefits, for example. If you lose your job, you get your TPI income back straight away. You can earn $1000 per hour if you can, and if you don't exceed 8 hours a week, then you get your full TPI. They limit the hours worked, not the hourly rate, as an example.

I would ring DVA and talk with them, they aren't monsters and aren't running any conspiracy theories behind veterans back. They will answer your questions and point you in the right direction on their website which contains every entitlement and aspect, for open reading.

 

[Sighs]

@Wastinglight - my vet and i live together and own the house together (well, the bank owns it but our names are on it! ;)) and I still don't know where I stand. Some days he says we will live there for the rest of our lives, other days he says he is going to take off and other days he says I should leave, :confused: I don't have an anxiety disorder - YET - but it makes it hard not to worry about the future!

 

[Wastinglight]

Thank you very much for this detailed info, @anthony. In the past, I have asked him about what sort of benefits he gets specifically, but he's always been pretty vague about it. Any dealings at all with DVA seems to stress the hell out of him, so I'm not sure how soon he will actually get around to contacting them.

I do know that the kind of benefit he's getting is one that remains in place, even if he has another job (although he's not working at present). For instance, if he was to get $x at a current job that pays less than his substantive position, DVA would pay the 'gap' between what he's receiving and what he would have been earning if he was still enlisted. I don't think it's a pension, he said it was something else.

I've been reading the information on the DVA website, but since I'm not 100% sure what I'm looking for, it's not overly helpful! I would hate to think that he might run into trouble by not notifying DVA of something, so I will gently urge him to make this a priority....

 

[Wastinglight]

don't have an anxiety disorder - YET - but it makes it hard not to worry about the future!

Ya, this is something I struggle with. Even though I realise intellectually that uncertainty is something that we all must deal with every day, the reality of my anxiety condition means that some day I have enormous difficulty accepting that this is the case!

In my mind, I had a notion that, once I moved in permanently, that things would feel more secure in the relationship. Perhaps I am mistaken about that! At no point has my guy backtracked on the commitment he's made to me so far, however he takes a very very long time to take each step in the process (to the point that I wonder whether he's having second thoughts).

Plus, the other day, I made a comment about our commitment to each other, and his reply was "How much more committed can I be?" Really? I haven't even moved in officially yet, and he's making comments like that!

 

[Sighs]

If marriage and children are on your agenda I would be concerned about his ability to cope with either of those things.

 

[Wastinglight]

If marriage and children are on your agenda

Yes, good point. We covered off on children pretty early on (as it was a deciding factor for both of us as to whether this relationship was right for each of us). Luckily we are both on the same page - I've never wanted children and neither does he.

The issue of marriage came up about a week ago. Neither of us raised it directly, it just came up in conversation. I indicated that I was planning to mention it sometime in the next year or two, but all I wanted to ask was whether he 'believed' in marriage or not. His answer was a bit wishy-washy, so I'm not entirely sure what he thinks. I'm the sort of person who believes that you should never leave your partner guessing as to where they stand with you, so i just went right ahead and told him what I thought. I said I had never really been interested in marriage until I met him, and that I would say yes if he asked. But I also said that it wasn't a dealbreaker for the relationship (if he didn't want to get married). Both of us have parents who are still happily married after 30+ years, and he seems to take his cues from his parent's situation a lot of the time (I suspect this might be because he's never been in a long-term relationship before).

From things he's said to me in recent months, I think he is committed to me, and is anticipating a long-term relationship with me. The thing is with him, he feels that he only needs to say something once, and then the matter is closed and he never has to mention it ever again. He often express surprise when I say that I'm not sure where I stand on a particular matter, and he'll say "But I already said xyz." Yeah, but that was 6 months ago before this, that and the other thing happened! People change their minds all the time, and in my experience, they don't always let you know when they do! I'm the sort of person who needs regular (or at least, semi-regular) reaffirmation of our feelings and commitment to each other. But I suspect this is something I'm just going to have to used to with him.

 

[Wastinglight]

I am worried that the revelation that he will have to tell DVA about the fact that we are in a de-facto relationship sooner rather than later, will send him into a tailspin. I don't get the impression that he's quite ready to take that step. I hope he doesn't feel like the issue is forcing his hand, but, short of me 'moving back' into my unit and changing my address back (which I will not be at all happy about), it has to be done.