Mum And Dad...

[Ice_Fire]

As some of you are already aware...I have a rather odd relationship with my parents. And it needs to change, drastically.

They were/are my main abusers, caregivers and responsibilities all at the same time. I know the latter has sort of been my choice, but only begrudgingly and because I was too frightened to refuse to help them. I still am.

I feel very conflicted by this, on the one hand, I hate them, on the other I feel sorry for them, well, for dad. Everything I do, for both of them, is to make dad's life a little easier. I couldn't give less of a damn about my mother. Dad is/has been as much a victim of mum as me, but he's a perpetrator too. Pretty much mum says "jump", dad says "how high?"...mum says "rape Rose", dad...does. :( But when things got really bad, dad always saved me, got mum off me, stopped the beatings and cared for me.

I...can't look him in the eye for what he did, yet I can't cut ties with him either, therefore I can't completely get rid of mum. It's so frustrating!!!! Yet he chose her over me, so why am I bothering?

 

[Ice_Fire]

Saw dad today. I'm so conflicted over how I feel towards him. He's acting like there's nothing wrong. I hate him, but he's still my dad. I think his vulnerability and suffering with mum's abuse is stopping me truly hating him. Suffering together bonded us in a good way, but I can't forgive and forget his abuse against me.

I don't know how I feel...

 

[Sun_Ray]

Not to stir up trouble here, but if they weren't relatives, would there be an obligation to care for them? I'm new here and may not have read it somewhere, so I'll ask - did either of them ever genuinely apologize for anything? Admit any wrong-doing? Show true remorse? Don't do anything out of guilt. It'll only compound your problems.

I wonder what I'll do when my brother is old and sick. Could I care for him after all this time? I wrote him a letter some years ago and explained how what he did impacted my life. His reply included a paragraph about how he had only given me what I wanted, although in the wrong way. In other words, that he was giving me the attention I asked for or needed or whatever his warped mind thought it was. Oh, he said he was sorry when I was in my early 20s. Then he said that he was thinking of having an affair with either his wife's best friend or ME! WTH.

Then we had a fight and he told me to sue mom and dad. Then he said that I was "delirious with a warped sense of time! It only happened a couple of times!" Wow, he really isn't sorry. No, it'd be too painful for me to care for someone like that.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Not to stir up trouble here, but if they weren't relatives, would there be an obligation to care for them? I'm new here and may not have read it somewhere, so I'll ask - did either of them ever genuinely apologize for anything? Admit any wrong-doing? Show true remorse? Don't do anything out of guilt. It'll only compound your problems.

Nope, no apology, nothing. If they weren't my mum and dad I'd have told them to go to hell by now...
I don't know why I feel guilty, I feel as though it's somehow my fault that I'm hearing and they aren't so I 'owe it to them'...utter tosh I know, but I dunno, I can't shake it off :goingtocry:

Then we had a fight and he told me to sue mom and dad. Then he said that I was "delirious with a warped sense of time! It only happened a couple of times!" Wow, he really isn't sorry. No, it'd be too painful for me to care for someone like that.

I'd quote the other part of you post too, but that'd be a bit pointless, I think this gets to the crux of the matter. It is too painful for me to care for them, just like it would be for you. If it wasn't for upsetting nan, they'd be out of my life, but I know I'd feel guilty for it, as I feel guilty for thinking something so horrid.They've kinda brainwashed me haven't they? I'm sorry and angry he said that, hope I don't overstep the mark here but he really is a tosser!

I feel so :trapped:

 

[Ice_Fire]

Dreading dad coming up tonight. I need a break :(