But to talk about my feelings or how things affects me it's pretty much impossible for me to do that anymore.
I have a VERY HARD time doing that as well.
Nothing is impossible though and though it took a very long time, Ive now taken that word out of my vocabulary because anything is possible if you are taught how.
For me, its a matter of not knowing what im actual feeling, theres 2 that cover up everything else and then if its pain, i cant put any more words to it than pain or it hurts.
Now I do everything I can to avoid talking AND feeling bad emotions, thays why im a clean addict and its also why I still today very often dissociate, to escape/numb the feelings...and most times dissociation is automatic.
Thats all verbal.
Now typing is a while 'nother ball game. I can type what I cant say but talking say here has almost the same effect as if I were carrying on an actual verbal conversation, or many conversation. It has helped me to identify other emotions that I couldnt identify and feel before. Blame shifted here and, for me, it couldnt of ever happened in therpy because enough walls had to be down and I had to be in that vulnerable state to allow it to shift (not advocating that, just how it happened for me) and it has also allowed me to read smaller posts to my therapist and then bigger heavier ones eventually.
So typing out emotions here, or even if I dont know how I feel, just mind dumping here and then bouncing that off people helps me to figure things in my head out and then it also moves into my therapist office.
So thats my ling winded way to say, why not start typing out emotions, or even lack there of, here. Type out any confusion, confliction, anything you are thinking and feeling and/or thinking that you're feeling and bouncing it off on people first helps and then bring it into your therapist office. Start small and you will see that eventually you can go bigger and bigger...and for me, reading what I wrote earlier in the week seems easier than to be asked "what do you feel now" or "what do you feel about XYZ"...my answer will always be "I dont know"..or it was anyway. Im getting better at it but still sometimes have to type it first and read it to my therapist and then try not to shut down when we converse about it.
Does that make sense? Its a way to teach yourself how to not go mute about feelings. And I totally know what you are experiencing as I have and still do experience that.
