Relationship My Boyfriend Has Combat Related Ptsd.. Any Help/advice Welcomed

[USMC Girlfriend]

My boyfriend is a United States Marine Corp Sergeant who has been home from deployment for 3 years now. We are both young (I'm 22 & he is 25). We began seeing each other 2 years ago (after he got back home). He has been diagnosed with PTSD, and I have known about it our whole relationship. He was very open to me about it from the start. Although he is aware of his diagnosis, he is very blind to the repercussions of it and how it is effecting our relationship.

It wasn't until almost 9 months into our relationship, that he got drunk, hit me, and busted my lip wide open. I am by no means stating that violence is okay, and I hate how this sounds but I know that he truly does love me. He has never laid his hands on me again after that day.

But whenever he is drinking, he cries a lot, and is mildly threatening. During his last drunken episode, (4 months ago) he 'warned' me that he wanted to hurt me and that I should leave. So I did just that, and stayed with family that night.

Aside from the drinking issue, (and I don't mean to give too much information) he has zero sexual interest. Which I assume is a major part of the PTSD, but it is really effecting our relationship in a negative way. I feel inadequate.

I really have no idea what to do. We're not married, have no children together, but we eventually want those things and to build a life together. We care about each other so much. I just want to get him the help he needs and deserves so we can build a healthy life together.

He refuses to speak with a therapist.

Anyone in similar situations have any insights or words of advice for me?

 

[Sweetpea76]

He has been physical once already. He has urges to hurt you, and is threatening. That is NOT acceptable. PTSD doesn't excuse abuse... In fact, statistically, vets with Combat PTSD are NOT any more likely to be violent with their partners than any other vet. He is also abusing alcohol.

If he is not willing to seek treatment, he will not improve.

Right now, it comes down to you, because you can't make him do anything. You have to decide what you can and cannot tolerate. Personally, the first time he laid hands on me would have been it. Then you need to set your boundaries. For example. If he will not seek treatment, then you will leave. If he continues to abuse alcohol, then you will leave. These are not demands made of him, rather limits you set on yourself. They need to be common knowledge in your relationship.

 

[Sighs]

Do you want your children to grow up terrified of their father? Do you want them to have nightmares about their father killing their mother? My father has combat PTSD and self medicated with alcohol when I was a child. So I know what I'm talking about it.

If he refuses to get help then you need to leave. You need to leave now. And go someplace he can't find you. He may react with violence. Sorry to be so blunt. Hugs if you accept them.