General My Boyfriend Has PTSD Too

[Lady Michigan]

Yes, Im glad I found this because it is Like the Same story over and over.
No one around me understands most people I tell think Im crazy too. So i pretty much keep everything to myself that is why I am so great full to have found this place, I can finally get out what I need to!
I always stick up for him too, it makes me happy to know other people feel the same way i do and IM NOT crazy.
My mom pretty much said well being with him would have been a struggle anyways and you should be glad you dont have to deal with it anymore.i hate hearing that.

After reading most of these posts, It seems like giving him space and time is all I can do. So im going to try that, I just hope like a week or 2 is good enough
=) trying to stay positive

 

[NikkiNikki]

Honestly, if a friend came up to me and told me that this had happened to her I would have probably said "oh what a jerk, forget him you can do better", because I didnt understand this illness & a lot of people dont understand PTSD. I regret not researching PTSD at the beginning of our relationship when he first told me he had it. I thought it just meant he had nightmares or flashbacks sometimes. I had no idea what it really meant to have PTSD. I had no clue until a few days before we broke up that when he walks out of a building he is looking on the rooftops for snipers or constantly thinking of a plan should the enemy attack him even though there is no enemy here to attack..

Giving space and time is pretty much all you can do. As hard as it is to do....the more time that passes the less hope I have that he will come back around. I have not given up completely, hey he still has me on facebook. LOL that must mean something right??? LOL,or it means he just has not had it in him to put the effort towards getting on the computer to delete me & my family, or he is hoping I will just delete him. Who knows! I over think everything about the situation trying to make sense of it all.

Yay for trying to stay positive, I try to do that to.

 

[Lady Michigan]

LOL, yea i work with his Mom, and I work next with her this thursday so Im curious to see what she says, she always loved me and thought he would be a fool to lose me so i dunno what is to happen with this whole thing.
I wish I knew more about PTSD before this whole thing happened too, Like I keep thinking to myself I should have not called him so much (being once a day) or ask so many questions about what was going on... Should of could of would of. it happened and now the only thing to do is take each day as it comes and hope for the best. I still have hope for you =) time will tell. if it was meant to be, thats what he told me, and everything happens for a reason!
Talking through this has helped me, I really needed to vent a little with people who understand
So thank you again

 

[s.jane]

I feel for everyone who is going through this situation. I am going through a break up and really relate to NikkiNikki. My boyfriend was away for almost a year, 10 of those months being in Afghanistan.

Everything was working out as OK as they could be with Facebook, skype, packages, and phone calls, but when he came home I noticed a change.

At first it was Christmas and New Years, so the craziness hid what was going on but once all of that settled I noticed that I was always making plans and he was distant. I figured he needed his space and was willing to give him space but he broke up with me early this month (one of the similarities with Nikki).

It has been a little over two weeks and I feel like life as I know it has been flipped and there is an emptiness that I can not get rid of. I spent the first week crying but had to make myself stop for being in public purposes.

I don't know whether I should accept that he might need me to wait or move on. Well actually I feel like I have to move on because what if I am waiting for nothing?

I was wondering if anyone had advice on how I can pick myself up. My friends and family have been as supportive as I could ask, but no one can really relate or give appropriate advice for this unique situation.

My stomach flips every day because I am constantly reminded on how we had plans from this month all the way until forever at one point. It is nice to have a place to post this.. I guess I too needed to vent.

Thanks for reading.

 

[NikkiNikki]

I heard a quote the other day (I am all about good quotes LOL) "Waiting is painful.Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering" thats kinda how I feel.

On one hand I want to wait on him because I feel he is worth the wait. On the other hand this is all so painful & I just want to not be sad anymore so I need to forget about him and move on. I don't want to forget about him though....its all so confusing. If he would just tell me one way or the other it would be a lot easier. It should be pretty obvious..broke up with me and has not made any contact with me since he broke up with me.

That's a pretty clear sign, I guess I am just not ready to accept that yet.

I have to stay busy or I will be a total mess all the time. I cant sit around the house and be sad like I was that first week. I have kids, a job, and a home I have to take care of. My mom has helped me pick up some slack but I can tell she is ready for me to get over it and get back to my old self. Even suggesting I date so and so. Well all that does is upset me more that she would think I was ready to date someone else.

 

[s.jane]

Quotes and lyrics are the things that make me feel sane, if someone else wrote them I can not be that crazy right?!?

I have also not been in contact with my bf or ex.. since he broke up with me and it kills me. We live a mile away from each other tops and every time I see a car that is his color I panic a little inside.

I don't feel like it is a clear sign that there is no hope because of the connection you make while they are away and his family wanting to keep me close. It is impossible for you to wish with a little piece of your heart that he is coming back even though your entire brain is saying, not in this lifetime.

How can he throw away everything we have built? I do not have kids but I know what it is like to feel like a mess and knowing it is not acceptable. As for dating I think everyone I know wants me to date but no one understands that as soon as I do it means I am admitting that it is all over and I don't know if I can live with that.

I honestly feel happiest when I think about how he is not going to want me back but then it turns to night and I think about everything we are missing out on and I can not sleep.

That is why I am thankful for this forum, to know that I am not the only one who is going through this mess and maybe by reading each others posts we will learn and grow.

 

[NikkiNikki]

Yeah, quotes and lyrics are my thing. I found another good one that our BF's really need to hear "your illness is NOT your fault, but your healing IS your responsibility".

Wow I know how feel about the seeing the car, my ex lives right across the street from where I work & every time I see a black Ford F-150 my heart drops.AND there are a lot of black ford f-150's in this town! LOL!!

So your def not crazy hun, if you are then so am I!

 

[Lady Michigan]

I got a little laugh in while reading these posts, because anytime I see my ex's car my heart skips a beat too and I panic for a Minute, It is nice knowing im not as crazy as I thought.

As for the lyrics and quotes I think thats all I have been able to look up lately. Certain music videos. Forget it Im a mess.

Keep your heads up, things have to eventually get better one way or another.

 

[NikkiNikki]

I have to get past the "wallowing" stage. I cant be healthy and wallow about what has happened or what could have been. Its so hard not to think about it and get upset, but I am almost to the point where I have accepted the fact that he is not coming back..

I dont want to accept it cause I dont want that!

 

[NikkiNikki]

I dont know why my words are so big??? Weird! lol

I wrote him one last email Wed night and he neve replied. I cant keep doing this to myself. I love him to death, but I have to find a way to get over him and move on...as much as saying that sucks I know its what has to happen. I am closing the door on it. If it was meant to be and he comes back then that is an entirely new door.

Wishing you all the luck....no matter what happens. I will still come here to whine I am sure.lol

 

[Nicolette]

I dont know why my words are so big??? Weird! lol

Fixed NikkiNikki :)

 

[HopefulChristian]

My heart breaks for you all. Being a Marine Wife I understand about all the ups and downs you're facing. Just follow your heart. I know our road isn't going to be an easy one but I believe God gives us all the strength we need to get through whatever comes our way. It's easy for family who don't get the military life to tell us we are crazy for staying with our significant others.
So that's why I always say "Follow Your Heart".