NikkiNikki
Silver Member
That would be nice wouldnt it? :)
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General My Boyfriend Has PTSD Too
- Post starter brokensmile
- Start date
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That would be nice wouldnt it? :)
Lady Michigan
New Here
NikkiNikki
YES YES YES! it would 8)
YES YES YES! it would 8)
NikkiNikki
Silver Member
Last night I ran across my ex's online dating profile. Active within the past 3 days. So, guess he's feeling better and ready to meet new women. Because I was upset I did write to him telling him the next time he felt like selling some poor girl a bunch of dreams, having her fall madly in love with him, having her & her children become attached to him, and making a bunch of promises to her, and then dumping her via email the day after her birthday, DONT! I told him what he did was wrong & it will be long time before I will be able to trust again. I probably should not have done that, I know I should have just left it alone but it hurt me to see that. Def helps me let go and move on seeing that.
Lady Michigan
New Here
NikkiNikki,
Good for you. He needs to know how you feel, and he broke your heart. You telling him how it is, Is Good! maybe it will make him think a little. But on the other hand its very hurtful to hear that he made an online dating profile, that gets me angry and I dont even know him. haha..
but good luck with everything and move on with your head up =)
things will get better
Good for you. He needs to know how you feel, and he broke your heart. You telling him how it is, Is Good! maybe it will make him think a little. But on the other hand its very hurtful to hear that he made an online dating profile, that gets me angry and I dont even know him. haha..
but good luck with everything and move on with your head up =)
things will get better
NikkiNikki
Silver Member
Thank you Lady Michigan, I am glad I saw it actually. Just helps me move forward.
In his defense though (still defending him! ugh) it is a profile he made before we even met. He told me he had a profile on there but never went on it. I had forgot about it & then just happen to run across it the other night. Since he was active in the past 3 days shows me he is out looking for girls to hook up with again. He admitted to being a man-whore before we got together. Whatever, good luck to him hooking up with lots of random women once again.
In his defense though (still defending him! ugh) it is a profile he made before we even met. He told me he had a profile on there but never went on it. I had forgot about it & then just happen to run across it the other night. Since he was active in the past 3 days shows me he is out looking for girls to hook up with again. He admitted to being a man-whore before we got together. Whatever, good luck to him hooking up with lots of random women once again.
NikkiNikki
Silver Member
I'm in! I would love to get away and forget all about this mess for a few days. I wish I could get one of those procedures done like on the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind". If I could get him out of my head life would be just peachy! :p
I just wanted to add my story.
My bf and I started dating in about August/Sept of 09. During the Fall we'd only see each other once a week or so, b/c he had army and I was starting a new program at school and needed concentration. January, Feb and some March he was away for training and May 13th he left to Afghanistan. He was back for a few weeks in August and then gone again until December.
Since he got back, a number of things changed. First of all he seemed totally fine, he was making jokes, talking about some of the more neutral aspects like the weather there and all the things he wants to do now that he's back. We went on a mini vacation for Christmas, continued to have a happy relationship. We text each other all the time throughout the day, he tells me he feels lucky.
He and hsi friends sometimes go out clubbing, I don't feel jealous b/c I know he just wants to be w/ his friends and most of the time he's messaging me anyway (telling me how it upsets him that pple who are engaged or in relationships seem to be hooking up w/ his buddies). Then one night in March, he goes out, I don't really hear from him much. He sends me a few drunk texts which make me upset, but I realize he's intoxicated. Anyway, so a couple of days after that he sits me down and tells me that he was really drunk and kissed some girl. That it meant nothing but it was bothering him, even though his buddies told him that he shouldn't even care b/c it was just one kiss.
I felt so hurt. I didn't speak to him for a few days, but when we did speak he turned it around and said that he realized he kissed her b/c he wasn't happy with some aspects of our relationship. It shocked me that he took this stance and thought it was completely natural that I should be "ok" with what happened and focus more on fixing the aspects of the relationship he disliked. I agreed to work on whatever bothered him, such as me not spending time w/ his friends and me not reading some of the books he asked me to. I didn't read them b/c they were about war, and it's reprocussions, and I know it was bad on me...but I felt very depressed and I was scared to relate how he might get hurt or deal with death (I know this was stupid, but I knew I woujldn't be able to concentrate on school or my life....which was already difficult to do).
Anyway, now he is being completely indifferent...telling me he doesn't care anymore...telling me to concentrate on my exams and forget about this for " a while" and that we will talk "sometime later".
My bf and I started dating in about August/Sept of 09. During the Fall we'd only see each other once a week or so, b/c he had army and I was starting a new program at school and needed concentration. January, Feb and some March he was away for training and May 13th he left to Afghanistan. He was back for a few weeks in August and then gone again until December.
Since he got back, a number of things changed. First of all he seemed totally fine, he was making jokes, talking about some of the more neutral aspects like the weather there and all the things he wants to do now that he's back. We went on a mini vacation for Christmas, continued to have a happy relationship. We text each other all the time throughout the day, he tells me he feels lucky.
He and hsi friends sometimes go out clubbing, I don't feel jealous b/c I know he just wants to be w/ his friends and most of the time he's messaging me anyway (telling me how it upsets him that pple who are engaged or in relationships seem to be hooking up w/ his buddies). Then one night in March, he goes out, I don't really hear from him much. He sends me a few drunk texts which make me upset, but I realize he's intoxicated. Anyway, so a couple of days after that he sits me down and tells me that he was really drunk and kissed some girl. That it meant nothing but it was bothering him, even though his buddies told him that he shouldn't even care b/c it was just one kiss.
I felt so hurt. I didn't speak to him for a few days, but when we did speak he turned it around and said that he realized he kissed her b/c he wasn't happy with some aspects of our relationship. It shocked me that he took this stance and thought it was completely natural that I should be "ok" with what happened and focus more on fixing the aspects of the relationship he disliked. I agreed to work on whatever bothered him, such as me not spending time w/ his friends and me not reading some of the books he asked me to. I didn't read them b/c they were about war, and it's reprocussions, and I know it was bad on me...but I felt very depressed and I was scared to relate how he might get hurt or deal with death (I know this was stupid, but I knew I woujldn't be able to concentrate on school or my life....which was already difficult to do).
Anyway, now he is being completely indifferent...telling me he doesn't care anymore...telling me to concentrate on my exams and forget about this for " a while" and that we will talk "sometime later".
Hey ladies. Reading your posts really helps me as it resonates with my situation.
My ex boyfriend, K, was in Afghanistan from May - Aug 2010, then Aug - Dec 2010. We met in late summer 2009, and did not seriously commit to our relationship until about October or even November.
When I met him, he had already voiced his intention to go to Afghanistan, and while I did not understand exactly why he wanted to volunteer for this mission, I supported him and said I would stay with him while he was gone. January and February of 2010 he was away in California for training, but we also kept in touch.
Prior to meeting K, I was a very emotionally closed off individual. I had just gone through a period of 3 years when I loved someone and it did not work out. My reaction to this was to concentrate on school (I am studying to become an RN) and forget about relationships in general. K was there for me, even in the moments when I was incredibly emotionally distant. He melted me and I fell for him hard.
The night before he left to Afghanistan he asked me if I would stay with him if anything happened. I told him that I didn't know. I said a bunch of things to cover up what I was really feeling - which was insecurity about our relationship. After less than 6 months of being together, how did I know he was committed to me? I remember saying some things about being a nurse and taking care of people during the day and that I did not want to have a partner at 24 y/o that I also have to take care of. I know this sounds very harsh. I don't remember exactly how I said it. Anyway, he seemed ok. I told him I would wait for him, and that I would not see anyone else. We wrote to each other.
In August he came back and we went for a vacation together. He seemed alright, no PTSD, but somehow he got irritated quicker. Our time together meant so much to me. We drove around Quebec and New Brunswick. Letting him go to finish his tour was incredibly hard.
We kept writing to each other, I wrote 5 x more than he did of course, and I tried to stay current on everything happening in Afghanistan. I got nervous because he would say things like "A lot of guys just break up with their girlfriends when they come back" and somehow in his voice I heard that he was considering the same.
When he came back though, we were so happy. I missed him so much and he and I spent a lot of time together. He would bring up engagement, marriage, kids, cars, where to live, etc. In the Spring time he confessed to me that he wasn't happy with our relationship though, and that he was at a party and kissed another girl. I was furious, but within a week's time I forgave him and we reconciled, or so it seemed. In the summer then, I found out he had been emailing back and forth w/ a female friend who had been sending him half naked (posing) pictures of herself. This was going on while he was on tour. I felt so betrayed, but I won't go into that.
I tried very hard to spend as much time with him as possible in the summer time. We both had hectic schedules and I missed him like crazy. I did not feel he was willing to communicate a lot of the time. When we would see each other, he'd mostly just want to have sex.
He would become distant, more irritated, especially if I was complaining about something. We finally had a huge fight 3 weeks ago when I did not invite him to my mom's birthday party at home. I was so shocked that he wanted to be invited, and that he actually wanted so much to be closer to my family. We were slowly working on that, and I was so surprised at how pissed off he was. This lead to a few weeks of talking on and off. When I would try to address the issues he wouldn't want to "deal with it". He came over a few times but only wanted to have sex and not talk.
Finally after an emotional conversation I said "Please let's work this out. Let's do our best". He left that night and the following morning whe I called him he said it was over and he didn't want to work things out. I went berserk. I called him a million times, and emailed him and showed up at his house. The last time I saw him, when he drove me home from his house he said there was nothing more to say. He said "If a house was burning down and there was nothing you could do to save it, what would you do?". I was so shocked b/c just 2 weeks before that he was asking me again about kids and marriage. He seemed so into this idea...and I have text messages from not even a few weeks before that saying "I'm so in love with you" and "I'm so lucky".
When I wouldn't get out of his car b/c I wanted to talk, he said "Get the f__k out of my car, or I will physically carry you out of it". It ended very dramatically, I was crying and sobbing. He didn't carry me out of the car, he walked me inside the house and tried to get me to go to sleep. I was in hysterics. It was the middle of the day.
Since then I've been reading books which are important to him, research articles I found that are related to his career plans, and relationship issues and how to solve them. I have gotten no responses.
I love him so much. I don't know how he could be so lovey and then so rude. I am at a loss. I feel like I have severed a limb, and that he was the one.
My ex boyfriend, K, was in Afghanistan from May - Aug 2010, then Aug - Dec 2010. We met in late summer 2009, and did not seriously commit to our relationship until about October or even November.
When I met him, he had already voiced his intention to go to Afghanistan, and while I did not understand exactly why he wanted to volunteer for this mission, I supported him and said I would stay with him while he was gone. January and February of 2010 he was away in California for training, but we also kept in touch.
Prior to meeting K, I was a very emotionally closed off individual. I had just gone through a period of 3 years when I loved someone and it did not work out. My reaction to this was to concentrate on school (I am studying to become an RN) and forget about relationships in general. K was there for me, even in the moments when I was incredibly emotionally distant. He melted me and I fell for him hard.
The night before he left to Afghanistan he asked me if I would stay with him if anything happened. I told him that I didn't know. I said a bunch of things to cover up what I was really feeling - which was insecurity about our relationship. After less than 6 months of being together, how did I know he was committed to me? I remember saying some things about being a nurse and taking care of people during the day and that I did not want to have a partner at 24 y/o that I also have to take care of. I know this sounds very harsh. I don't remember exactly how I said it. Anyway, he seemed ok. I told him I would wait for him, and that I would not see anyone else. We wrote to each other.
In August he came back and we went for a vacation together. He seemed alright, no PTSD, but somehow he got irritated quicker. Our time together meant so much to me. We drove around Quebec and New Brunswick. Letting him go to finish his tour was incredibly hard.
We kept writing to each other, I wrote 5 x more than he did of course, and I tried to stay current on everything happening in Afghanistan. I got nervous because he would say things like "A lot of guys just break up with their girlfriends when they come back" and somehow in his voice I heard that he was considering the same.
When he came back though, we were so happy. I missed him so much and he and I spent a lot of time together. He would bring up engagement, marriage, kids, cars, where to live, etc. In the Spring time he confessed to me that he wasn't happy with our relationship though, and that he was at a party and kissed another girl. I was furious, but within a week's time I forgave him and we reconciled, or so it seemed. In the summer then, I found out he had been emailing back and forth w/ a female friend who had been sending him half naked (posing) pictures of herself. This was going on while he was on tour. I felt so betrayed, but I won't go into that.
I tried very hard to spend as much time with him as possible in the summer time. We both had hectic schedules and I missed him like crazy. I did not feel he was willing to communicate a lot of the time. When we would see each other, he'd mostly just want to have sex.
He would become distant, more irritated, especially if I was complaining about something. We finally had a huge fight 3 weeks ago when I did not invite him to my mom's birthday party at home. I was so shocked that he wanted to be invited, and that he actually wanted so much to be closer to my family. We were slowly working on that, and I was so surprised at how pissed off he was. This lead to a few weeks of talking on and off. When I would try to address the issues he wouldn't want to "deal with it". He came over a few times but only wanted to have sex and not talk.
Finally after an emotional conversation I said "Please let's work this out. Let's do our best". He left that night and the following morning whe I called him he said it was over and he didn't want to work things out. I went berserk. I called him a million times, and emailed him and showed up at his house. The last time I saw him, when he drove me home from his house he said there was nothing more to say. He said "If a house was burning down and there was nothing you could do to save it, what would you do?". I was so shocked b/c just 2 weeks before that he was asking me again about kids and marriage. He seemed so into this idea...and I have text messages from not even a few weeks before that saying "I'm so in love with you" and "I'm so lucky".
When I wouldn't get out of his car b/c I wanted to talk, he said "Get the f__k out of my car, or I will physically carry you out of it". It ended very dramatically, I was crying and sobbing. He didn't carry me out of the car, he walked me inside the house and tried to get me to go to sleep. I was in hysterics. It was the middle of the day.
Since then I've been reading books which are important to him, research articles I found that are related to his career plans, and relationship issues and how to solve them. I have gotten no responses.
I love him so much. I don't know how he could be so lovey and then so rude. I am at a loss. I feel like I have severed a limb, and that he was the one.
hopingfortomorrow23
New Here
Dear Brokensmile,
Please do tell me how did all this turn out for you..as I felt as if it was me writing your post because I am going through the same situation.
I do want to thank you because I now understand what my sad soldier is going through and I now realize I am not the only one. I do love him and will be so much be more understanding and pray to god he gets better.
I do hope all worked out for you because again I know now how you felt then when you wrote this.
Please do tell me how did all this turn out for you..as I felt as if it was me writing your post because I am going through the same situation.
I do want to thank you because I now understand what my sad soldier is going through and I now realize I am not the only one. I do love him and will be so much be more understanding and pray to god he gets better.
I do hope all worked out for you because again I know now how you felt then when you wrote this.
amethist
VIP Member
Brokensmile will probably not reply to you hopingfortomorrow23, as she has not been on here since march 2009.
Unfortunately this happens a lot and we never hear the outcome, good or bad.
Unfortunately this happens a lot and we never hear the outcome, good or bad.
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