My Boyfriend Is A Pro At Avoidance

[Iwanttolovehim]

Hello all,

First off just to let you all know that my situation is a grand situation as both myself and my boyfriend have been diagnosed with PTSD. I however feel that I do not have nearly as much symptoms as a I used to and seem to have a lot of it under control. However my boyfriend doesn't seem to have the same luck. See he has been really moody lately and just last night we sort of got into a fight. We were watching a show that had been taped on the PVR and then all of a sudden at like 9:30 pm he pauses it and says k lets do some house work. I was like ummmm I need to go to bed soon can't we finish the show we were watching? He got upest said something about things needing to be done and that I couldn't expect him to just drop everything to come sit on the couch with me. I was so confused so I helped him a little bit and before I knew it, it was 11:30 pm and I needed to get to bed, so I asked him if he could handle the rest on his own that I needed to be up at 5 am and needed some sleep. ( He doesnt work but I do) He completely ignored me and gave me the silent treatment. So I said goodnight and tried to go to sleep but couldn't. I got up to talk and he avoided me and this morning he avoided me! I don't know what to do! I need help!

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

Thank you

 

[Sandra]

Very nice pic. :)

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

thanks

 

[SimplyComplex]

Welcome. Both my husband and I have PTSD as well. I am much further in treatment then he is (and also much more dedicated it seems). I dont know if I can give much advice but if you are both in therapy, that should help. He needs to learn how to talk and it sounds like you need to learn to back off and let him have his feelings? Its annoying and passive aggressive but you cant make him talk to you. Anyways, best of luck and welcome.

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

Thanks simply, I think the biggest part of our problem is that he was just recently diagnosed but has lived with it for a much longer time than me, I was diagnosed many years ago and have had much more treatment than he. He hears things in a different tone (which I know I once did) and it sparks ill feelings.... but thank you for your input, I've been trying to gently mention that maybe we should be in therapy together!

 

[SimplyComplex]

I actually am not a huge fan of couples therapy. It might just be me...I think it is good for couples going through a lot of family stress but otherwise are in good shape (like infertility, loss of a child, etc). I think when both people have their issues, that individual for both is really just so much more helpful. But that comes from my place where my husband and I both have PTSD and have done it both ways and I see separate for both of us as so much more helpful. When I have an issue with his behavior, I talk to my t and she helps me see with it is triggering and how to set boundaries and also how to clue him into how his behavior is affecting other people.

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

Very good point!

 

[pi314159]

Welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry things are hard for you.

I hope the forum helps you.

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

Thanks Pi

 

[TDJ_DK]

All that's very sad. I think he should understand that you are working and he isn't! , I had the exact same problem. I didn't like to go to bed without being on good terms with my partner at the time. Living together should be a blessing!

I am happy to listen to your story and trying to tell you how things are from my (a male)'s perspective?

Have a nice night.

<basic grammar edited by cherryblossom>