My boyfriend is triggering me and I don’t feel like I can talk to him

[Debbiedowner99]

I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about my ptsd. I have tried a couple of times and asked him “would you be open to learning about ptsd more?” So he can learn what it’s like and maybe be more patient with me. He said yeah I guess? And laughed And I just felt weird and haven’t showed him about it. We have a 2 year old together and don’t have much one on one time to talk about anything other than laundry or what’s for dinner. He sometimes loses his temper on me and it’s a huge trigger that puts me into fight or flight mode, and makes me anxious that it will happen again. I just tried to talk to him about it again but he didn’t understand and we didn’t have time and I just ended up crying in the bathroom then acting like I was okay. I feel so unsupported. I feel like I’m not worth the time it takes to explain my illness and just like a burden.

 

[whiteraven]

I feel so unsupported.

Have you told him this?

we didn’t have time

If you're in a relationship where you live together, and you're having active PTSD symptoms, I think it might be beneficial to make time. In my very limited experience, for some there are a whole lot of reasons they don't want to hear, and some will be willing to listen and talk and some won't. And some, even after you've talked, won't get it.

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds like he may not actually care. I don’t say this to be mean, but does he actually care about you and your well being?

 

[Friday]

All of my trauma is outside my childhood / entirely unrelated to my parents.

I’ve attempted to talk to my parents a GAZILLION times about what ...absolutely… does. not. fly.

They cannot wrap their heads around it.

So I simply have to accept, that if I am choosing to spend time with my parents? I am going to be stressed/triggered to the HILT.

Meaning I avoid my parents, lovely & wonderful as they are, unless emergency demands. Because of ME. Not them. They’re not the ones f*cking me up. They’re being lovely & wonderful. I am the nightmare

Living with a spouse, that way?

He’d better be an abusive, neglectful, f*cktard… married that, as it made my life liveable, SANS honesty & partnership… if you want any kind of peace/happiness with him. Or? Find the time. And negotiate. Truthfully. With an honest partner. With his own flaws & history. And find a middle ground.

 

[Debbiedowner69]

Have you told him this?



If you're in a relationship where you live together, and you're having active PTSD symptoms, I think it might be beneficial to make time. In my very limited experience, for some there are a whole lot of reasons they don't want to hear, and some will be willing to listen and talk and some won't. And some, even after you've talked, won't get it.

Thank you. This helped me a lot. I think that is the problem is he just doesn’t get it. I’ve read some articles on being with someone when you have ptsd and it helped me to realize that he is struggling too as someone in a relationship with someone with ptsd to know how to support me. He is trying and doing what he thinks is helpful and we’re learning for sure