My Fiance Has Ptsd - I Need Spousal Support!

[JRoss]

Hi all, I'm new to this site.

I could really use some good support and advice from anyone that can help.

I recently became engaged and I'm still struggling with dealing with his PTSD. He's currently in a class at the VA that's supposed to help with his PTSD, however, right now all it seems to be doing is upsetting him as he recalls the horrible memories.

I'm trying my hardest to be there for him, but he often gets so unreasonable and angry that I have a hard time staying calm myself. I can't picture my life without him, I knew from the moment I met him he was the one. However, at his worst PTSD moments I just can't help but picture leaving him. He has only gotten so worse as he started this new class and is being forced to recall memories. The class lasts for another 2 months, I can already tell it's going to be a rough 2 months.

I could really use as much advice from other spouses that have been in similar situations. I love this man too much to lose him. Help me figure out ways to deal with this and help him too?

 

[Linda Strawberry-Coloma]

I personally think that you should stay with him. You want to leave just seeing the effects of the ptsd on him. Imagine what he must have to deal with inside his own head. If you left him over it I think it would hurt him in ways you can't comprehend. Just try to do the best you can.

 

[anthony]

Any type of therapy, you will get worse before you get better, but it is short term pain for long term gain.

I would honestly use ways to manage yourself, support him when he wants it, but let the process be completed so he can be helped.

I am not sure how good or bad US VA programs are... so I could not tell you exactly whether its right or not.

 

[JRoss]

Thank you both for your advice, it is really appreciated. I definitely can't even imagine everything going through his mind, he has certainly been through a lot. I love the man to death and truly believe we're meant for each other, so I can help him, and he completes me.

 

[anthony]

so I can help him, and he completes me.

I would just be careful about that last part... helping him. Supporting him is not trying to help him, just to distinguish the clear difference between those two.

Support is nothing more than being there for him, however; don't let him treat you like a doormat either, otherwise it just turns bad. Sometimes supporting someone can just be leaving them alone for a while, holding their hand, watching tv with them, etc... but you must continue your life regardless, otherwise you will become destructive to him and yourself.

Encourage him though to attend therapy and those professionals who can help him, even though he will get worse initially, the end results are the aim, not the short term pain endured as part of therapy itself.

 

[MurphyJB]

Hey there.
My fiancé has combat related PTSD as well.
Good luck with the VA. If he has insurance or can afford it, I'd suggest going somewhere else. But if not, the VA will work.
Like Anthony said, it will get worse before you start to see any improvements. Hang in there though. It takes a lot more than love you be in a relationship with someone who has PTSD.
Also remember to take care of yourself as well.