EvenStrongerNow
Diamond Member
Hey guys, I haven't been here in a few months. I know I posted a little bit about it back then, but I went back to the Psychiatrist and told him I wanted off of risperdal because it was completely blunting my emotions and caused me to go into a deep depression.
He told me I could just quit taking it even though I was on it for four months. Well, within 24 hours, I experienced my first real panic attack. I actually thought I was going to die. It felt like my brain was going to detach from itself and I was afraid of what I might do to myself. Also, I started thinking about how we are all going to die someday and I freaked out. I've never thought about my own mortality before in such a deeply dark way. My husband realized how irrational I sounded and was smart enough to go get me a half of a dose of risperdal. Within 30 minutes, I was stabilized.
I went to the emergency room. The doctor there was shaking her head that a Psych would tell someone to stop taking an antipsychotic cold turkey. She explained to me that what I had was a panic attack--"your symptoms are textbook", that I wasn't going to die and that it was completely normal given the withdrawal. She wrote down a tapering method and gave me ativan to help with symptoms.
I had a really long and hard road the first couple of months. I was down to 108 lbs because I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and I feared the thoughts which set off the panic attack for a long while. I finally was able to get completely off of the risperdal and then I suffered some withdrawals getting off of the ativan. I was terrified of everything, even seeing the elderly around me because it reminded me of what I experienced. It was pretty traumatic.
I was determined though. I forced myself to get dressed and got out and walked every day, sometimes three or four times a day to keep the anxiety at bay, I talked to my family every single day, and I forced myself to go somewhere in the car to be around people in some public place every day. When the feelings of panic came over me, I didn't run. I self talked and made myself keep going. I made myself eat even if I could only stomach milk shakes, bottles of Boost, fruit smoothies with protein powder...and comfort foods...I just ate whatever was appealing to me.
Anyway, I have gained weight again, my menstrual cycle (it was absent for almost 12 months) returned finally and I am feeling better than I have in a very long time. Facing my own mortality at such a young age (even though it was just a panic attack) taught me a lot of things, one of them being, that I never want to go back to isolating myself from the outside world ever again.
I am never going to live in so much fear of being triggered and keep from having a full life ever again. Also, I have reconnected with my faith in a very major way. It has been holding me up, keeping my mental health in a balanced state and I have a completely new perspective on life.
Recently, I had the opportunity to assist my mother in law who was experiencing her first panic attack when we went on vacation to see family. I knew just what to say and was able to bring her down from it. I am very grateful that I knew exactly what it was like...for her...that I could use such a horrifying experience to help somebody else.
So, I just wanted to come here and post to say hello to everyone and also, I hope this story helps someone here.
He told me I could just quit taking it even though I was on it for four months. Well, within 24 hours, I experienced my first real panic attack. I actually thought I was going to die. It felt like my brain was going to detach from itself and I was afraid of what I might do to myself. Also, I started thinking about how we are all going to die someday and I freaked out. I've never thought about my own mortality before in such a deeply dark way. My husband realized how irrational I sounded and was smart enough to go get me a half of a dose of risperdal. Within 30 minutes, I was stabilized.
I went to the emergency room. The doctor there was shaking her head that a Psych would tell someone to stop taking an antipsychotic cold turkey. She explained to me that what I had was a panic attack--"your symptoms are textbook", that I wasn't going to die and that it was completely normal given the withdrawal. She wrote down a tapering method and gave me ativan to help with symptoms.
I had a really long and hard road the first couple of months. I was down to 108 lbs because I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and I feared the thoughts which set off the panic attack for a long while. I finally was able to get completely off of the risperdal and then I suffered some withdrawals getting off of the ativan. I was terrified of everything, even seeing the elderly around me because it reminded me of what I experienced. It was pretty traumatic.
I was determined though. I forced myself to get dressed and got out and walked every day, sometimes three or four times a day to keep the anxiety at bay, I talked to my family every single day, and I forced myself to go somewhere in the car to be around people in some public place every day. When the feelings of panic came over me, I didn't run. I self talked and made myself keep going. I made myself eat even if I could only stomach milk shakes, bottles of Boost, fruit smoothies with protein powder...and comfort foods...I just ate whatever was appealing to me.
Anyway, I have gained weight again, my menstrual cycle (it was absent for almost 12 months) returned finally and I am feeling better than I have in a very long time. Facing my own mortality at such a young age (even though it was just a panic attack) taught me a lot of things, one of them being, that I never want to go back to isolating myself from the outside world ever again.
I am never going to live in so much fear of being triggered and keep from having a full life ever again. Also, I have reconnected with my faith in a very major way. It has been holding me up, keeping my mental health in a balanced state and I have a completely new perspective on life.
Recently, I had the opportunity to assist my mother in law who was experiencing her first panic attack when we went on vacation to see family. I knew just what to say and was able to bring her down from it. I am very grateful that I knew exactly what it was like...for her...that I could use such a horrifying experience to help somebody else.
So, I just wanted to come here and post to say hello to everyone and also, I hope this story helps someone here.
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