My Friend's Husband Has A F*ck Trophy Out There

[Raven]

I never said it's the kid's fault. He just got the short end of the stick. That's his lot in life. He's been fine being raised by a single mother for seven years, he'll be fine going forward.

My friend has no obligation to stand by her husband if he chooses to reach out to this kid. She has no obligation to stand by him if he chooses to give their money to this random kid.

Bemental, it's interesting you say that he agreed to be there when he slept with her. I've only heard women say stuff like that, and I really didn't intend that as an insult. Just men usually see it differently. The way I see it, he agreed to f*ck her a few times, and he agreed to pay for her abortion. She has no right to bark up his tree seven years later. Makes me wonder why she waited seven years to track him down. My initial thought is that she had been in a relationship, they broke up, and now she wants a new daddy figure for the ankle biter.

My friend wants me to get on the phone with the other woman because I could probably scare her into leaving their family alone. I'm hesitant to, because it's not my family she's trying to upheave. It's not my fight. But, I'm fiercely protective of my friend, and if this other woman wants to shit on her life and her marriage, she'll have to go through me first. My friend has never asked me to do something like this before.

 

[JarHed]

I'm fiercely protective of my friend,

I truly admire that in you Raven. But I'm going to give you some advice; don't call or talk to this other woman. I know you're involved but it's your friends fight. Support her, be there for her but don't do her job for her. It's really her and her husbands problem. I say this as I've done this, taken sides and helped friends when they asked and perhaps needed it. In the end, I turned out to be the bad guy. How the hell that happened I still don't know. Another reason why I don't trust anyone.

What I think gets me is that the entire situation could have been prevented by, dare I say it, Birth Control. Guess no one thought about that. And now we have another kid and his mom being supported by the state, wonderful. Maybe that was part of her plan anyway. Sorry if I stirred it up.

 

[Raven]

I agree that it should come from her husband, but he's simply not stepping up and telling this other woman to leave them alone. So my friend is frustrated. I honestly think she should get on the phone and tell this woman to get off her lawn, so to speak. I think it would have a lot more impact coming from the scorned wife than the scorned wife's foul-mouthed friend. For f*ck's sake, it's not even like this man had a real relationship or commitment to this other woman in the past! He just used her for nookie a couple times! It's not like she can just barge in on his life now.

This wouldn't be the first time birth control wasn't thought of in the heat of the moment, I guess.

Makes me glad my husband didn't have an interesting sexual history when I met him. He could count them on one hand, and then after I came along he could still count us on one hand. They all hated him because he'd hit it and quit it and tell them straight up he just wanted to get laid and get back to his life. I don't know why he changed his mind in my case, though. Probably his getting older, and the fact I wanted him to just hit it and quit it and leave me alone. He was intrigued by the lack of f*cks I gave and kept coming around. Same concept as playing hard to get, I suppose.

All our chickens come home to roost eventually. It's how you handle them that shows if you're worth the air you breathe.

 

[Spock]

Raven...wow! I agree your story was very colorful and passionate. And entertaining but I'm a proud "Bastard" son that has no knowledge of his bloodlines and now also I'm a father that paid-it-forward adopting an orphan from another country. So, I might offer another perspective. First, I never had any desire to know my natural parents. My actual parents were awesome and I never had a hole to fill but I also had a mom & dad. Now that they're both dead I've considered finding the natural mother to let her know she made the right choice in case there is a hole in "her" heart, as a mother. But that would be her choice if I pursued it through a third party not forced upon her. Although my situation is similar in some ways it is also very different in the manner of how the bastard's mother acted.

The issue is between the adults. To label that 8-yr-old bastard as "stupid," "f*ck trophy" and "whorechild" because his natural mother & sperm donor were reckless imbeciles is poor form. He is innocent in this circus. This is about your friend's dumbshit hubby and the other woman. He made his bed and didn't ensure the issue was resolved. She should've honored their agreement. If that mom is using her son than she is vile too, but we have no right to assume anything about the child without asking him. Yes, I agree your friend obviously has a right to manage her relationship with her husband and draw whatever lines in the sand she wishes. She and the Boy are the victims in this circus.

 

[vikingr12]

NO matter what we say, a DNA test that proves Bob as the father obligates him to "share" in the upbringing of that child until he is of consent, normally 18. There are too many court decisions to back that up. He is no "whore child" and what happened has happened. It's up to all the adults in this mess to decide what to do based upon that DNA test. If she is a whore, then it will be a moot point.

In any case, it is a child that has the first priority, if he is the One. No use screwing his head up along with all the others. If he agrees, and I doubt it, to go to a foster home to be adopted, then he MIGHT be better of. Then again, older children are rarely adopted. I can imagine how he feels in this mess. Worse than a pawn.

As for Sarah, it would be nice to know how she would feel if the roles were reversed. Of course, it can't happen because of the laws of nature, but it might help with perspective if she thought of what would happpen if a man came knocking on the door with an 8 year old child. How would she feel then?

 

[Raven]

NO matter what we say, a DNA test that proves Bob as the father obligates him to "share" in the upbringing of that child until he is of consent, normally 18. There are too many court decisions to back that up. He is no "whore child" and what happened has happened. It's up to all the adults in this mess to decide what to do based upon that DNA test. If she is a whore, then it will be a moot point.

You might be surprised at how easy it is to get out of paying child support if you truly want nothing to do with it. First of all, if he cuts contact with the other woman and she chooses to go the legal route then good luck finding him again. They're in different states. And I'm saying this as someone who helps people "disappear" from creditors and such. If the situation you described were to arise, I would offer my help to him as well. There is also surrender of parental rights (of which he has none right now anyway because he has not yet taken nor consented to a DNA test.) There is also willful abandonment to cause parental rights to be terminated. The gripe most men have with paying child support is that they feel they should get more custody and more say in the raising of their child for the amount they pay. But if you're willing to harden your heart enough and never look back, there are ways to quickly wiggle out of the legal, financial, and existential responsibility of parenthood. I've helped people do that too. I'm no lawyer, but I can consult one on exactly how to do it in Alaska, New York, and New Jersey. Some people just want to move on with their lives without being saddled with a kid. Maybe I'm a shitty person because I think that's a perfectly reasonable thing to want after a divorce/breakup/mistake.

As for Sarah, it would be nice to know how she would feel if the roles were reversed. Of course, it can't happen because of the laws of nature, but it might help with perspective if she thought of what would happpen if a man came knocking on the door with an 8 year old child. How would she feel then?

I phoned her and asked after seeing the question you posed. I didn't think it would change her mind about it. She'd say, "Sorry, you must have the wrong person". Personally, I'd slam the door in the guy's face without even apologizing. Both of us agree that it would be an unwelcome intrusion into our family life whether it be on our end or our husbands' ends. We agree on a lot of things. I think that's why we get along so well.

For someone who's had a lot of responsibility in my life, and taken it on the chin every single time, I'm kind of an expert helping others shirk theirs.

 

[Spock]

...And I'm saying this as someone who helps people "disappear" from creditors and such. ...

Now that is interesting to know...I'll be reaching out to you offline :love::);):cautious::cool:

 

[Raven]

Now that is interesting to know...I'll be reaching out to you offline :love::);):cautious::cool:

I was going to mention, I'm adopted too.

 

[JarHed]

Hmm. Do you know how to make people disappear? I know this guy...............Oh, sorry wrong kind of disappear.

This is a very interesting thread. I hope for all concerned that things turn out for the best Raven. Life's too short for some of the drama that some people bring. Guess it's why I spend so much time alone.

Jar

 

[Sarg]

Guess it's why I spend so much time alone.

Roger that!!!!

Sarg

 

[bemental]

CombatPTSD and Religion aside, what ever happened with just doing the right thing?

Sounds like the current wife should realize there were some skeletons, and that her husband isn't the knight she thought he was. That's tough, but OK.

Bob, if you're out there, keep on keeping on - you've got my vote for doing right by what we can only assume is your decision eight years ago, until a paternity test proves otherwise.

I'd follow through with that test though, just to make sure. Otherwise, in the words of thr great Kanye West:

"18 years, 18 years,
And on the 18th birthday found out it wasn't his?!"

 

[Jimmy1]

WOW, WOW, WOW, I thought it was going to be 'When Harry Met Sally'. You just can't tell with some people Raven. I love the way you eloquently put things. ;):eek: