My Girlfriend And I

[No one]

I have been dating my girlfriend for about 5 months and it has been going great. I came out to my family and friends early in this year of schooling when we started dating and everything went fine. We both have some issues from our childhoods that are still with us. She has ADHD and has some depression I believe. Things got hard when she voluntarily went to the hospital last semester for suicidal ideation. Even though I knew it would be a new and painful trauma for me I went to the hospital with her when she got admitted. Even sitting through the evaluations and visited her all weekend until the day they released her. Since then she has been doing much better, but I find myself much more nervous when she gets upset jumping to thoughts of her being admitted again.

I have been struggling with how to help her and I know she has trouble dealing with me. I tend to get really distant scared to let her see how I get. I get very angry, quiet and distant when I am having a bad day with thoughts and triggers. Last night she started crying when I apparently scared her. I guess I got really mad and scary. I didn't even realize that I was doing anything I feel really bad seeing how my situation effects her. She didn't really understand why I couldn't just clean my room because it only takes 5 minutes to do, but to me thats overwhelming sometimes. If I had tried to clean my room last night I would have broken down. I get really frustrated when I have days like that and see everything happening, but can't do anything to stop it.

I don't know if all of that is normal PTSD, but I feel so stupid sometimes being unable to clean my room or focus on anything. I feel so numb and like I am not actually in the day. I don't know if anyone else feels similiar. It's hard being supportive of her sometimes especialy because her ADHD gets her very hyper sometimes and I tend to have a short fuse especially for some reason this weekend I do my best not to take it out on her, but it still seems to upset her. I'm just sad I am putting stress on her and I feel like I am scrambling looking for help. I only have three days until I get a break from school, but it feels like a lifetime away. I just hope I figure out how to live better so that we can stay together and both help eachother with our situations. I know both of our issues will never fully go away so I want to try to learn how to live with them the best way possible.

 

[Javagoat]

I can totally relate. My partner and I have been together for almost 9 yrs. Both of us suffer PTSD from our childhoods. It definitely, makes things challenging but I love her. I struggle with depression and anxiety which is understandably worse when I get triggered by work, family, her, life or whatever. She gets frustrated with me about not doing things she thinks are simple like cleaning and seemingly basic tasks but when she mentions it I feel instantly irritated, defensive and overwhelmed. I feel terrible because I can't explain to her why I can do it. Other times she gets social anxiety or intensely emotional/depressed which can trigger me which results me being short and distant. Then she feels abandoned which makes things worse. Eventually, we cry, talk it out and move on until the next thing comes up. Some stuff has gotten better and yet other stuff we keep having to work on. That's the brief version. It's hard sometimes but I love her and I have no doubt that she loves me. I get freaked and want to run sometimes even after all these years. I have been trying meds to help me with depression and being less reactive. I've also been going to therapy to help me better understand my PTSD and control my dissociation. Good luck and congratulations on coming out.